Beginning my fertility journey - so much anxiety

[Fati8451]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum. I've been reading lots about your experiences and it's been really informative - but also given me a little anxiety!

I'm at the beginning of my fertility journey. I'm 33 years old. My husband and I have been TTC for three years. I was diagnosed with deep infiltrated endometriosis two years ago after ten years of battling pain and have been having treatment for that since. After two surgeries, most of the endo was excised and cysts were drained.

I'm now beginning my cycle monitoring and have my first scan today. I'm having a HSG next month to see how my tubes are doing. According to my surgeon, my left tube was swollen and needed to be drained but my right tube looked okay. They couldn't guarantee that the right tube was not blocked.

I'm so nervous about this fertility journey. It's been such a long road already with the severe pain and trauma of surgeries, and also the emotional side of both this and failing to conceive. It's been harder because we have a huge family on both my side and my husband's and literally every 3-6 months someone is having a baby. It's SO hard being in close proximity to so many people with babies and dealing with a body that is not only failing to do it's job but has turned my life upside down.

You are all so brave with your IVF journeys, I don't know how you do it. I feel like if I have to take the IVF route after everything I've been through so far, it will tip me over the edge.

I feel silly saying I don't want to go for IVF - because who does? And I feel silly saying I can't cope - because look at all you doing it! But right now, the thought of more emotional and bodily trauma gives me SO much anxiety.

[Leesalou]

Just wanted to welcome you to the group everyone here are so friendly and helpful,

Keep believing dreams do really happen, I had my ICSI baby March this year after 10 years of trying,

One failed attempt of ivf then I gave up for 6 years but my dream of becoming a mum over shadowed the negatives of trying ivf again so we done it and it worked, it is scary and a long journey but worth it, hopefully your HSG will give you more answered and you can go from there,

Wish you all the luck in the world on your journey xx 🍀

[Fati8451 in reply to Leesalou]

Gosh, ten years is a long time. Congratulations! It's really heart warming to hear success stories. I guess you just have to push all your fears aside and just go for it. The emotional side really is half the battle. And just all the waiting!! But you're right, dreams should overcome anxieties, otherwise how else would we ever achieve our dreams? Thank you so much for taking time out to reply and your kind words X X X

[Leesalou in reply to Fati8451]

Your very welcome 🙏🏾

Just try to believe and think positive, it is a super emotional journey really is, yes very long time but I did give up on them 10 years my older sister had 5 babies and my younger had 1, then my best friend she had 4, and many more friends had baby’s it was truest heartbreaking as I was always why me why’s it not my turn I got severely depressed and that’s when we decided to go for help as I knew it was the whole trying for a baby that was getting me down. Like I said everyone on here is all or was on the same boat and I’m sure there all be just as happy as me to give you support or help

Take care x

[Tugsgirl]

You absolutely can cope. Look at you, you’ve already been brave in your battles and you’re already fighting. Ivf is taking that fight up a gear no doubt, but you just take it one step at a time. You’ll be surprised by your strength. Good luck in your journey xx

[Fati8451 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Yes, you're so right. If you had told me ten years ago that I'd be going through all this I wouldn't have ever believed that it would possible, but here I am! Being a woman is such a courageous thing. I have to remember my strength and not worry so much about being weak. Thank you so much for your kind words, they've been so comforting X X X X

[Cinderella5]

You're already a fighter, look at all the thing that you have overcome already! It is hard doing IVF but the support and information here is amazing, dont know where I'd be without everyone here someone. In the hard times, Im not sure where the strength comes from but it comes. Im sure you'd cope just fine!xx

[Fati8451 in reply to Cinderella5]

I really don't know where strength comes from either - I guess it's just a fight of survival? There is no choice but to be strong. Everyone on here seems really lovely and I think I've definitely come to the right place starting my journey today! Thank you for your kind words X X X

[LegoBatgirl]

Welcome to the group, I've only just joined myself and everyone here has been amazing. Wishing you all the luck with your treatment journey x

[Fati8451 in reply to LegoBatgirl]

Thank you so much, it really does feel like this is the best place of comfort right now. Good luck on your journey too! X X X