BFN.

[Tati14680]

Tested today as Thursday my OTD is going to be my 38th birthday and I didn't want to feel how I feel now for it. This morning test is negative. And I feel I just want to curl in a ball on the sofa and cry till I don't feel any more pain inside. I know some of you girls have been trying for longer than me and in this moment I don't know how you can do it again after the first round. But I can't stay on the sofa, I have to go to work for 3 long days delivering the babies of other happy families or the babies of those that are going to neglect them like the previous 5 or 6 (lots of social cases in my area) And I am upset with God and everybody because it is not fair. Sorry for the rant.

[Niki_B]

Oh my dear. I'm so very sorry 😢 my first round of ivf my 38th birthday was in the 2ww too!! And it was the biggest BFN. I didn't know how I was going to recover. I hated the world! I'm so very sorry...but hey you need to wait until your OTD? You never know. But gosh your right I don't know how some off these amazing warrior women do this for years and years...i thought no way can i do this again no way. But after my BFN in April here I am prepping for round 2 in September. Last chance. Don't give up...grieve, cry yell, scream, smash punch...do whatever you have to do but wait till your OTD! Sending you massive hugs from new zealand xxxx

[Tati14680 in reply to Niki_B]

Thanks hun. I don't think otd is going to make a difference. I will try to buy a different test and a bottle of wine to wash down the result. Big hug and good luck for your next step.

[Emma04]

So sorry to hear this. Take the time you need to be angry, cry and scream. But you will find the strength to do it again if that is what you want. Is there someone you can confide in at work who can help you through the next few days! For me that’s what helps, having someone at work that I can lean on if I need to. Sending lots of love, xxxx

[Tati14680 in reply to Emma04]

Everyone at work knew what I was going through as half of them has seen my ladyland for my tests and scans (difficult to keep things a secret in a small island with only one hospital and one clinic). I am sure they are going to be supportive I just feel I can't stand looking at babies and happy families today.

[Hidden]

I am so sorry. I am going to be 38 next month and just had 1 failed cycle.

After a month I am ready to go again after feeling awful when we got the BFN.

Doing the work you do is so so hard though and I didn't have to deal with that.

Can you be signed off work so you can recover for a few weeks?

Xxx

[Tati14680 in reply to Hidden]

No I already got 3 weeks off for the treatment. But I had booked 2 weeks of Annual leave starting on friday. I need to survive these 3 long days. Thanks for your reply. Good luck with your second round

[Hidden in reply to Tati14680]

Good luck with your recovery.

Xxx

[elle80]

Sorry to hear this. You're right it's not fair! Take care hun xx

[Hidden]

It’s totally not fair and it makes me so angry when good people like you have to struggle so much I’m so very sorry sending love xx

[Tugsgirl]

Some of us have been doing this a lot longer yes but that doesn’t make it hurt any less for you! And your job sounds like a very tough one to do when dealing with infertility! I’m sorry for your bfn. They are cruel. I hope you manage to have a nice ish day on Thursday xx

[misswinky34]

I’m just chucking this out there, there’s been sooooo many bfns is hat have changed to BFP on OTD. Maybe wait until the day after your bday and have another bash. ❤️ I’m sorry it was bfn today. And I’m sorry for that. I hope you enjoy your birthday. Xxxx

[Scarlett13]

So sorry to hear of your BFN. I’ve had 3 now from 2 rounds and it’s so unfair and cruel and painful. I work in health visiting so have to help mothers and fathers every day with their new norms and toddlers - the good parents, the child protection families, it’s so hard to do a job surrounded by babies and always being asked if you have children or people presume that you Judy do with their comments. I really feel for you. You have to cry when you’re sad but then pick yourself up and go again - you’ll only get your baby if you’re positive and determined to keep trying xxx

[Beechnut1]

I am so sorry for your BFN. This journey really does suck. Please please call in sick and don’t do your long days! I’m also a midwife and I understand 100% how you feel. Being a midwife and doing IVF is so hard and at times impossible! I had a BFN after my first cycle last month, I asked in order to prevent me from going off sick ( already had lots of time off sick due to a miscarriage which I’m in sickness review for! But that’s another rant entirely!) to amend my duties so I didn’t have to go onto Del suite. I just said that I wouldn’t be able to cope and therefrore would be unsafe. I really believe that at times we have to be selfish, yes I know that that is not in the job description of a midwife but you must do what’s right for you and if you need some time to just curl up and cry, grieve, shout whatever it needs then you must. It’s your life and you must put yourself first the same way that I know you put the women In your care first everyday. I know it’s hard but you must feel no guilt, just ask yourself what you need and do it and if that means calling in sick if they can’t support you working non clinical then do it! I really feel exactly where you are so feel that you are not alone! Xxx

[Tati14680 in reply to Beechnut1]

Well I just delivered twins. It was hard but I will survive. I told them also during the 2ww what I was doing and I could not lift weights. But they did not care and put me in LW anyway. I have other 24 hours then I am on AL for two weeks. After the last 3 weeks off sick my sickness score went up. But really don't care. I was the one self referring to OH for psychological support so I am covered. But I cancelled all the other AL as I want to be off completely for my next cycle. Big hug to you.

[Beechnut1 in reply to Tati14680]

It is so crap that they won’t support you! I’m lucky that I’m intergrated so my community boss lets me hide in the office doing visits and clinics, though I’m not sure how long this will last! You are so brave I couldn’t cope with labour care after my BFN. Having AL for your next cycle sounds like a really good idea. How was OH with you? I haven’t been down that route yet. I hope your next shifts are the Q word and you can have some down time soon. Thinking of you! Xxx

[Tati14680 in reply to Beechnut1]

I asked for some counselling as I am going through a difficult separation and the ivf as single mum, and work is awful. I am planning to leave this place but I was hoping to go on Mat leave first as everywhere I will go next I need to wait at least a year before being able to get mat benefits. So I am a bit stuck at the moment above all mentally. At OH they have been very supportive. I am starting with 5 sessions then I will see how I feel. I think today is the worst birthday of my life, just hope next year will be the best one with a little baby in my arms. Big hug

[jacki81]

Oh no, I'm so sorry Just wanted to send hugs your way x

[kelsbels88]

Oh hunny I’m so sorry it hasn’t worked this time round. I understand a little of what you feel especially regarding work. I get similar feelings being a nursery nurse I go to work and look after other people’s children and that can be so hard too. I hope your doing as ok as possible and go easy on yourself sending hugs and thinking of you xxx