Secondary infertility : I am 40 years... - Fertility Network UK

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Secondary infertility


I am 40 years old, I have a nearly 5 year old daughter and we are trying to have a second one since 3.5 years. It was not easy to conceive our daughter but it happened considerably fast in comparison to our journey now. However to conceive our daughter, I had a surgery, took tablets and also had an early msc before.

As we were not successful naturally to have a second baby (another early msc and a chemical pregnancy), we are doing IVF since a year. First fresh transfer chemical pregnancy, second fresh transfer failed, third fresh transfer chemical pregnancy and one frozen embryo.

I know we are very lucky to have one child but I really struggle to deal with my failure not to be able to have a second one, where as it seems easy for anyone else around me. On some days I am really low and don’t want to do anything. This year it is extremely difficult for me as lots of women in my close surrounding have a second one. And then I feel like a looser. I know that we do everything we can, but still this feeling stays. It seems nobody talks about secondary infertility and this is difficult for me. It seems you are not allowed to be sad because you already have one. But we are grieving as we have a strong desire for another one. And if you already have one, then everybody thinks it is easy to have another one (at least the people who don’t know the story). And of course you get theses questions which I hate. This hurts and I feel as a looser. I never ask these questions to other women as I don’t know their story. I think if they want to talk about it, they will.

Are there any other ladies who experience the same and have the same struggle? It seems people don’t talk about secondary infertility. I feel quite alone. 😢

4 Replies

I have secondary infertility. I have a 5 year old and have had two missed miscarriages and a stillborn at 22 weeks.

I understand completely how you are feeling and we too have been trying to conceive for over 3.5 years.

All my friends have had their second or third child and I often get asked when am I going to have another and to hurry up before Ruby gets too old. I have been blatantly honest to a few people and they have walked away embarrassed and eating their words. People think it’s ok to make comment, however, many do not realise the struggle that you, myself and others are going through even though we have had one success.

Hold your head high, our rainbow babies will happen 😘

ChrisChros in reply to Bek84

Thank you for your kind words 😘 and I am really sorry about the losses you had. It is heart breaking. It is good to know that we are not alone and that we can find other ladies here. In my day to day life it feels like I am the only one who is struggling to have another one.

Take care and best of luck. 😘

Bek84 in reply to ChrisChros

You’re never alone 😘 Always here if you need a chat.

Thank you for your kind words and I do hold onto the hope that you and I and many others like us get the happy ending we deserve xx

ChrisChros in reply to Bek84

Thank you 😘😘.

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