I have the count of someone who's had a vasectomy. My wife needs to gain a stone before we're considered for IVF.
She's hurt angry and frustrated and is taking it out on me. I know she doesn't want to.
I feel less of a man than I have ever felt and how she's making me feel. I'm already emasculated.
It's not my fault. But it's my fault.
😢 what a difficult situation. We always feel better when we have a plan. Can you commit to taking male fertility vitamins and cooking super lovely food for her to show how much you care? Xx
Doing the 1st bit. Been taking all sorts for about 6 months. Feel like I'm rattling I'm taking so many different supplements.
I'm hardly drinking any alcohol (not that I drank an awful lot)
I'm trying to see things from her perspective and don't want her to feel pressured to put on weight quickly and do everything at once whilst we have other stressors i.e moving house and new job. When I said that it was interpreted that I wasn't prioritising having a baby and that I was being patronising.
I could definately cook food, I like doing it and she likes me doing it 😁
Perhaps I'll do a romantic evening sometime this week.
Thank you for the kind thoughts and suggestions
Romantic evening sounds good. My hubbie was always good at reminding me that infertility is “our problem” and we will approach it together. Sometimes I didn’t feel like that but it helped to be reminded. I often felt my husband didn’t understand how much it took over all my daily thoughts and being, but it always helped when he was doing what he could. In the end he gave up alcohol entirely for a fair few months just in sympathy with me for example. Would you consider/be able to afford an alternative therapy like acupuncture? You never know, it may help?
It's not your fault!
Totally feel your pain. I know what my hubby and I went through knowing our situation, I felt so much less of a woman. My purpose on the planet was to reproduce just like everyone else and I couldn't.
See if you can get a referral to a counsellor, we went and it really helped.
You can try ICSI where they literally get one 'bit' and inject it directly.
I had to loose 3 stone to gain funding, I'd rather have had to gain 1!!
Good luck, everything will be ok
I've asked my GP about a counsellor who specialise in this area. Hopefully he'll come up with something. This group seems friendly enough too😊
The ICSI will have to wait as our GP said there's no point putting the referral for IVF in again until my Wife is at the minimum BMI. The 1st referral was rejected. We're not able to fund privately at the moment so we're going through NHS restrictions and protocols.
Thank you for your support and advice
Sorry to hear this but try not to blame yourself. From what all of our results suggest it’s my body rather than my husbands that is causing our infertility but if it makes you feel any better I still take it out on him on bad days. It’s what we do to the ones we love most . What you must remember is that it’s nobody’s fault and just try to focus on what can be done . Icsi appears to be fairly successful. I also have low bmi it was under 18 so been on a mission to eat more. There is lots men can do to improve sa too , eg zinc. maybe start researching & give you something positive to focus on . Good luck, stay strong
It's really hard at the moment as we keep getting knocked back repeatedly. It's so easy to fall into the trap of taking it out on each other.
I'm bloody exhausted from arguing. We both are.
Thanks for the support and suggestions. I'll have a look at ICSI
Oh no poor you two. It’s not either of your fault. I have endometriosis and have certainly blamed myself. Even told my husband if he’s going to leave me, leave me now not later.
I was told I needed to increase my bmi by 2 to give us the best chance. I have done it slowly. I swapped from semi skimmed milk to full fat, put cream in my porridge etc so I didn’t increase the volume but the calories. My husband was told condensyl is the best supplement for him so maybe that will help? Good luck with your journey xxx
Thank you for responding and offering to help.
I'm currently taking NHP advanced fertility support for men, Garlic oil, fenugreek and Lycopene capsules. I'll have a look into Condensyl though.
Thank you!
Condensyl is one that my clinic recommends too. It’s pricey but you only have to take one a day as it’s a complete supplement.
Brilliant info thanks! The 1 I take now is 3 times daily and is costing about 30 quid a month. I'll look into this new one.
My husband could probably relate to how you are feeling. We've just done our first round, using the icsi method due to his poor quality sperm. And often over the years he's said that I should leave him and find someone who can give me a child. Bless him! I'd never leave him, too old now anyway lol! But I don't blame him that we have to go down this route and it's not his fault, nor is it yours. It just is what it is! Ivf is a wonderful thing and has helped so many people, I'm currently almost 6 weeks pregnant (fingers crossed). Don't lose hope! X
My wife is proper stuck at the mo. She thinks IVF won't work anyway, that there's no point me taking the supplements and that to some degree she may be waiving her chance of having children by staying with me. She also is so desperate she can even contemplate the future without children.
I know she doesn't mean it as it sounds (reads) but it is hard to hear as the reason we're waiting for IVF is due to my "Dory" sperm!
I tend to have a more positive "balanced?" Spin on things which probably gets frustrating, when I try to encourage her that no one has said we can't have children, that we're at the beginning, haven't even had IVF yet and that other than her needing to put some weight on; she is biologically ready and fit to conceive.
This does, at present, fall on deaf ears.
Really appreciate the positivity and support 👍🏻
Do you think she might be feeling anxious about putting on weight? I know that might sound daft, but I used to be quite thin (before I met my husband, now I'm fat lol) and putting weight on would make me feel really anxious! Although some people are naturally slim no matter what they do. Just wondering if that's playing on her mind...
She won't know that ivf will work or not until you try! And whose to say that if she wasn't with you that she would have a baby anyway, male infertility affects about 40-50% of couples trying to conceive.
You sound like a really decent man, very supportive, proactive and kind, hang in there.
It took us six years to start ivf, mainly cos I just hoped it would happen and was quite scared about putting myself through all this and to then only feel disappointed and embarrassed that it didn't work. I wish now that I started sooner. Perhaps your wife just needs a bit more time! X
For sure she's anxious. That's the half of it so I'm trying to be REALLY careful in promoting she does it all at her own pace. Her height (5"11) is a bit of a disadvantage as it pushes her BMI down. It is a bit of an advantage for putting a bit extra on as she's a proper slim anyway and there won't be much difference.
Coming off the contraceptive pill + shift work + worrying about worrying about not conceiving has not been a good combination.
Your kind words of encouragement do help 👍🏻
Well as long as you know you're not alone and we all do understand the worries and what you are both going through. Good luck x
Ive also had to put on weight for my treatment as had 14% body fat, I stir peanut butter and Nutella into porridge, or peanut butter and chocolate protein powder. A bowl of full fat Greek yoghurt with a load of mixed nuts and a drizzle of honey is a great one too, can get 500 calories from something that just seems like a snack. Extra olive oil drizzled on lunch and dinner also helps, I’ve hated putting weight on but actually still look slim enough to feel ok in holiday but I’m 17.5% now, and did actually conceive twice at my heavier weight! She could try using the MyFitnessPal app to track calories as it’s easy to slip back to normal eating habits. I was tracking at around 3000 calories a day xx
My wife loves all of that stuff and there's no easier way to add a few pounds by increasing what you already like eating!
I'll suggest that app to her too! Great advice and very encouraging 😁
Nice to see another bloke on here! We had both make and female fertility issues as well. When I got my test results I was asked whether I had ever been exposed to dangerous levels of radiation! We were told ICSI was our only option. However in the we conceived naturally against all odds. However, it was a 10 year journey and as you know it can take it out of you in so many ways. One thing is that doctors are great at diagnoses but not prognosis. No-one can predict the future. Neither can our anxious thoughts, no matter how hard they try! Fertility is an art as well as a science.
I shared some of my experience as man on this journey in this youtube video youtu.be/xcuaewVWCLc
PM me if you ever want a chat.
Double or single transfer?
Single or double FET?
Double trouble on board 🙃🥰😅
2WW - double transfer 
Single or double transfer?
