Quick recap. I’m 10 weeks1 day pregnant. I’ve been brown spotting from week 7. I’ve had scan on week 7 and week 8. Baby good both times. Week 8 scan showed Hematoma. Friday night, the brown blood changed to red. All Saturday red bleeding, like a moderate period. 5 this morning I ran to the toilet and it was horrific. Nothing could have prepared me for the amount of blood. It was all over the toilet, the seat, all down my legs, totally destroyed my pad, knickers and pj bottoms. Then something dropped out of me. I don’t know if it was the baby or a huge blood clot. Neither me or my fiancé could face pulling it out and checking. We just flushed the toilet. My fiancé took me to Hospital, where I have been since. Until about 1400 I’ve been passing what the doctor says is small clots, but they don’t look small to me. I’ve also been leaking blood into cardboard pans, about a tea cup size amount every hour. The pain yesterday and this morning was awful, but now the nurses have given me pain relief, I feel a bit better. Over the last few hours the bleeding had slowed down a little, and I am not passing as many clots.
This has been such a visceral and frightening experience, but I really feel I am in the best place. At home I was terrified, so was my fiancé, neither of us have ever seen anything like the amount of blood. I’m 99% sure I have lost the baby. The doctors can’t say either way until the scan tomorrow. But I’ve accepted the loss.
I don’t want to hope anymore. I just want to accept. I just want to manage my bleeding and the pain, and get myself healthy again. 3 weeks of bleeding has took its toll. After the physical process is done, I will grieve. My grieving began 3 weeks ago, but I know I have along way to go.
I wanted to say that we are strong. I’ve never thought I’d be able to cope, but something deep inside has kicked in, and I know I have to get through this, and look after myself just now.
Written by
Kathryn1984
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Oh my goodness you must be so scared and obviously so upset. It sounds like you are in the right place. I hope you and your partner can get some rest. Look after yourselves xxx
It was scary because I was in pain and I wasn’t prepared for it, I don’t think anyone can be prepared for it. We’re both going to rest. He’s been through the ringer just as much as me these past 3 weeks.
Unfortunately it’s the reality of pregnancy for some ladies. When I saw them 2 lines, I thought I was going to have my baby, finally. Two lines doesn’t equal baby to me anymore. I’m just thankful that we conceived naturally, we’d been trying over a year, my fiancé was about to get his sperm tested, (after a lot of convincing/ arguments/ a lot of heart to hearts: men are scared of it being them) and we found out I was pregnant. We just hope we can get pregnant again. Hopefully I’ll get my BFP again, but next time we’re going to see it as “pre pregnancy “ until 2nd trimester
I know how you feel. I’ve been pregnant three times and miscarried three times. The first was a natural conception ten years ago. It didn’t get very far before I started bleeding.. The next two were mmcs after ivf last year. We’d even got signed off by the clinic on the second one. I don’t believe that just because you get two lines that you’re going to have a baby anymore. I hope things are easing up for you now xx
Omg! I am in tears reading this. I don’t have the words to say how sorry I am to hear of what you are going through. I have been reading your posts for the last few days.
I don’t want to make anyone cry. It’s just been hard for me, because I knew something was the matter, and they kept telling me it could be normal. Over the last few weeks, thinking back, I’ve been in pain pretty much every day, but I was trying to ignore it, as I didn’t want to be in pain, I didn’t want to be bleeding because I knew what that meant, I wanted to hope that it was going to be ok. But I’ll carry on, like every other woman who’s been through this. I’m just desperate for my turn to be the lucky one.
Hi hun. I know you don’t want to make anyone cry. Reading your post just brought tears to my eyes. Those that are lucky to get this far in the process to get their BFP and there after there’s another type of anxiety and worry. Thinking of you. Big hugs 😘
They are, I’m feeling much better physically as the days gone on. I’ll deal with the mental side of things after, I don’t think I can now. I’m too exhausted after 3 weeks of this. In a silly way, im relieved, even though I 100% didn’t want this to happen, I’m relieved it’s coming to a conclusion
I know what you mean I think you surprise yourself with how you cope in a crisis despite the fact you’d never have thought you could have. Means you are a lot stronger than you think . You don’t know what tomorrow will bring & that is true for every one of us but for now you are in safe hands , just take one day at a time xx
I really wish everything is ok for you tomorrow xxx
So so sorry for this awful experience you have had. You sound like a tough cookie, but it’s ok to not be especially at times like this. Sending you lots of love xxxxx
The physical pain has subsided. But I know mentally, this is going to knock me for six. I don’t k ow how I’m going to be, I’m already avoiding anything baby related, I don’t want to go back to work as my colleague is pretty much the same stage of pregnancy as I am/was. I don’t think I can cope with her progressing, and not me. I know that sounds awful. I just want to run away to adult world, where there’s only adults 😭
I know exactly how you feel..I could have written that myself...I got a line from gp and will take as long as I need..you should do the same...it I’ll be so very very hard..I know that too..however people keep saying it dies get easier bit by bit but your baby will have forever left a footprint on your heart xxxx
Big hugs so sorry for u having to go through this😔 take good care xx
Dear Kathryn you are truly inspirational and i’m sending you lots of healing light and positivity. Your strength and love for each other will help you through this!! Xxx
Hi,very sorry to hear about what you are going through at the moment. This is awful... I can’t begin to think how you are feeling right now. Please know that you are not alone and we are here for you, if you need to talk... All my thoughts are with you and your partner... Take care 💖
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Sending you and your fiance a massive hug xxx
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