This time last week I was dancing around my kitchen making dinner listening to Stevie Wonder. I was so happy. IVF had fixed me, I was a normal woman who could grow a life in her.
I feel so exhausted and anxious now about the future. Yesterday was physically painful. I thought I would be sick from it. It lasted only an hour or so but eventually I passed some 10p sized clots and the pain subsided. The nurse didn’t mention anything like this would happen and I guess as it was only a 4 week pregnancy i thought it would be just like a period pain. I just dealt with it at the time and was like “that’s that then!” But now this sadness is setting in again.
I feel like I don’t have the right to get so upset about this. Something that ended pretty much as it begun. I’m taking some comfort in the fact that I did have positive pregnancy tests. But I’m so scared of this happening again.
Bumped into our landlady in the supermarket. I know she is expecting us to say “we’re having a baby!” As we moved into this 2 bed place a while ago. Her husband even made a point of saying “so many babies have been conceived in this flat” when we moved in! I had these chunky gloves in my pockets of my coat and pulled them out and smoothed down my front so I didn’t look pregnant. I was awkward and edgy. Back to feeling that way when people ask “so, what’s new?”
How did you wonderful ladies pick yourself up again after an early loss? Do you ever feel better?
I hope there’s some good news out there and on here for us all soon.