Fertility Network UK
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Strength and happiness

This time last week I was dancing around my kitchen making dinner listening to Stevie Wonder. I was so happy. IVF had fixed me, I was a normal woman who could grow a life in her.

I feel so exhausted and anxious now about the future. Yesterday was physically painful. I thought I would be sick from it. It lasted only an hour or so but eventually I passed some 10p sized clots and the pain subsided. The nurse didn’t mention anything like this would happen and I guess as it was only a 4 week pregnancy i thought it would be just like a period pain. I just dealt with it at the time and was like “that’s that then!” But now this sadness is setting in again.

I feel like I don’t have the right to get so upset about this. Something that ended pretty much as it begun. I’m taking some comfort in the fact that I did have positive pregnancy tests. But I’m so scared of this happening again.

Bumped into our landlady in the supermarket. I know she is expecting us to say “we’re having a baby!” As we moved into this 2 bed place a while ago. Her husband even made a point of saying “so many babies have been conceived in this flat” when we moved in! I had these chunky gloves in my pockets of my coat and pulled them out and smoothed down my front so I didn’t look pregnant. I was awkward and edgy. Back to feeling that way when people ask “so, what’s new?”

How did you wonderful ladies pick yourself up again after an early loss? Do you ever feel better?

I hope there’s some good news out there and on here for us all soon.

Xx

9 Replies
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For me we lost two babies in our attempts and I found it very hard to feel positive or hopeful, even on our last cycle (that thankfully did work out). I was anxious and sort of of the mind like 'its not going to last so I won't get excited' and I found it very hard to feel enthusiastic about anything at all really even non pregnancy things. I think it's a depression, a mindset that just sets in that you can't shake. For me distraction worked best. I kept making plans for little things, just stuff like cinema or a meal out for dinner, just so each week I had something to try and look forward to. It wasn't a cure but it helped. Hope you feel better! It's a soul destroying feeling and don't feel like you can't mourn for your baby just because it was a little bean. Be kind to yourself xxx

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Thank you KittyK, I’m so pleased to hear you had some happy news afterward the two losses. You didn’t give up and I wont either! You are proof that it can work. Thank you again for sharing x

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Hi LittleBlue34. No matter how far along you are with your pregnancy, it is a devastating loss whether 15/40wks, 4/40wks, missed miscarriage or a blighted ovum - whatever! It was your little one that was supposed to continue growing and give you permanent joy. Your loss will never be forgotten, nor should it be. Hopefully, when you do become successful, you will have lots to talk to him/her about. Many, many years ago, when I had a miscarriage, I planted a miniature flowering cherry in memory, in our garden, and it's still going strong. Perhaps do something like that. You must look after you and try and have some treats like "kittyk" mentioned. See whether a couple of sessions of counselling might help too. There is a charity called the "British Infertility Counselling Association" who are specifically trained to support people at these times, so maybe see what they can offer. There is a charge, but have a look at bica.net and see what you think. Sending you loads of hugs, and remember we're thinking of you. Diane xx

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Hi Diane, had to have a cry after reading this. Having someone say it’s ok to feel this way turned on all the tears! Thank you for sharing your experiences. And for all that you do on here x

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I lost a baby last July. We discovered there was no heartbeat at the seven week scan and devastated doesn’t cover it. I literally felt like I was mechanically putting one foot in front of the other for ages. I had to have a d and c.

The only way I could properly deal with it was to get on with it and try again and within a week I was sitting in front of my consultant, asking when I could try again. It took three months as my periods took a while to come back and then try again we did. I am now 24 weeks pregnant.

I will never ever forget our first baby but you will find your own way of coping; go on holiday, try again when the time is right and don’t give up hope x

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I’m so sorry to read this. I count us lucky we found out before the scan. Had I not retested and pushed for an HCg test that would have been our experience too and i cant imagine finding out that news on a hospital table :( so happy for your pregnancy and thank you for sharing a positive after a sad horrible time xx

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I can so relate to your post - after seeing our baby with a healthy heartbeat at 7wks!! We booked a scan for 9+5 on Thurs where we found out there was no longer a heartbeat!! 💔 I go for surgical management tomorrow am!! 😢

Devastated doesn’t even come close, after waiting so long for our positive and two rounds of IvF I just feel totally beaten!!

We can only hope that by putting one foot in front of the other we’ll eventually heal enough to move forward!!

Sending you loads of love!! xx

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I’m so so sorry :( this is the worst thing and there is nothing I can say to make it better but thank you for replying and making me feel less alone. Even though you are having the worst time too. Much love xx one day at a time xx

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Having had two mmcs last year I know how painful this is. There’s no quick fix unfortunately. You’ll cope because you have to but each day it will get a little bit easier. You absolutely have every right to be upset xx

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