Struggling to believe

[Kari55]

Hi everyone, I have joined this forum few weeks ago and have been replying to some posts. I must say it is a wonderful forum and I’m glad I found it. Cutting my long story short, me and my husband have now been trying for a baby for 3 years. We have been unexplained but our 1st IVF attempt revealed that my husband has antisperm antibodies however the doctors said this should not have stopped us from conceiving naturally. We were hoping to start 2nd IVF this month however my husband has fallen very ill which turned out to be an overactive thyroid. I’m really worried about him and I keep hoping he gets better soon but I wonder if his condition has been always the cause of our struggle. Unfortunately we won’t be able to do IVF until he gets better. I’m going to be 37 next month and I’m freaking out about my age. It just feels like it isn’t meant to be, and one bad thing follows another. I now struggle to believe that there is a happy ending for us, it feels like we don’t have any luck in anything. I’m usually dealing with things quite well but feeling quite low today so decided to vent out. Thank you for reading. X

[E_05]

Welcome to the forum, sorry to hear all you and your husband have already been through. I think it’s natural to start to feel defeated, I’ve done 4 IVF cycle - 2 have ended in MMC and 2 didn’t work Ive often thought its not meant to be but after speaking to everyone on here I’ve felt strong again to start number 5. Sometimes being able to speak to people who truly get it really helps, keep strong xx

[Kari55 in reply to E_05]

Thank you very much E_05. You are right, the support is very important. I’m sorry to hear about your experience, I hope this next round works for you xx

[Hidden]

Hey Kari. I'm sure loads of people here can relate to what you're saying. There really are days when I feel like it's not going to happen for me, and maybe I should just accept that. And then there are days when feel like it has to happen and it spurs me forward. The constant 'not knowing' is such a strain, and the ups and downs can be exhausting.

Please know that you're not alone, and there's so much love and support on this forum for the highs and the lows. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now, particularly with your husband's health being poor, so take things easy and try not to let your thoughts run away with you.

There's always someone here to listen, and there's loads of really encouraging stories too. Loads of love to you. Stay strong xxx

[Kari55 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much PenRight80, your reply just made me feel better. I need to take it easy at the moment and wait for my husband to recover. I’m so grateful for this forum. X

[Becca21 in reply to Hidden]

You spoke exactly the way I feel! I guess it's the best way to put together the good days and the bad days in the life of a woman struggling with infertility issues. But then maybe a successful delivery awaits all of us in the end.. that what keeps me going. I'm sure loads of people here will agree that it's their encouragement too.

Baby dust to all!

[7AVA]

Hi Kari55, I just wanted to reply to say I’m sorry you and your husband are going through such a tough time. We’re feeling much the same at the moment as my partner is off work recovering from surgery he has just after Christmas. It feels like a long, hard, fruitless journey at the moment. I really hope your husband makes a full recovery soon and you are able to begin your next treatment cycle, and of course, that it is successful xxx

[Kari55 in reply to 7AVA]

Thank you 7AVA for your kind words. I’m really sorry to hear about your partner’s surgery and I wish him speedy recovery and you a lot of strength. xxx

[Becca21]

You're most welcome to the forum. Can't agree more, the wonderful ladies in here (including myself :P) make the fertility struggle bearable. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's troubles.... hope you guys manage to stay strong through this ordeal! Did you have an ICSI+IVF or a normal one? Usually, that works in case of both male and female spermicidal immunogenic infertility and so far the success rates seemed to be unaffected by the concentration of antisperm antibodies... It might just take more than one IVF cycle though because with each you have up to 60% chance of success only.

Have hope even when there's seems to be none.... because the concept of happy ending might not suit but it's true that time never stays the same .... good or bad.. this too shall pass.

If you're going for IVF there's lesser reason to stress over your age, as long as everything else clicks age becomes less relevant. I've figured these days women get pregnant and deliver healthy babies even in their late 40's.

[Kari55 in reply to Becca21]

Thank you Becca. We had IVF+ ICSI but will have IVF+ICSI+IMSI next time. As my husband now developed an autoimmune illness with his thyroid and had food intolerances since he was 20, I now think that this impacts his fertility in even wider way. His condition was creeping up unnoticed by GP for a long time and he got himself to a very bad state. As you said everything will pass. In a way I feel better now when I know I have this forum to turn to and so many of us are in a similar situation. X

[KateEdison]

Thank you for sharing Kari55! Hope is not a thing to just have. It is, indeed, a continuous effort. We all come across a moment in life when we don't feel like staying hopeful anymore. No matter how hard we try, the darkness proves more powerful. Now what to do about it? I say keep trying hard to stay hopeful. You are struggling to believe, I get that. But you are STRUGGLING. And that matters. Give yourself some credit. As much as I know, hyperactive thyroid is not such a big problem. It is very much treatable. Take good care of your DH. Make him better soon and get back to TTC. Your age is 37? So what! I have heard many people getting pregnant at 45 even. All I wanna say is you should not lose hope. IVF can work for you for many years if your egg quality remains good. Hope you find what you seek soon. Best of luck!