I have just had a complete and utter meltdown at home after a difficult day at work. Is this normal? A colleague had his beautiful baby brought in at lunch time and this of course generated lots of discussion about babies and how wonderful maternity leave is etc. I was the only one without children. I was sat there feeling ashamed and embarrassed as I have had to inform my manager about my situation (who has been incredibly supportive) and then spent all afternoon trying to hold back tears. I worry about how I must have come across as felt so sad. I am only at the beginning and feel I should be coping far better then I am. I think the reality of things are now setting in. I don't know how you all manage to stay so strong and positive. I have so many unanswered questions and quite frankly don't know who to discuss this with. Is it worth me chatting to my GP or wait for review at clinic? Was told this could be a while yet which I understand is the norm and I need to be patient but it's very difficult isn't it? You are all such amazing strong people and great listener's I sometimes don't know where else to turn. Thank you for allowing me to vent.
BIG hugs to everyone wherever you are on your journey ❤ xxx
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Hi Poppy. This is totally normal and completely understandable. Constantly being faced with pregnant women and babies is so difficult and the only people who can relate are those who have been through this struggle. I wish I could say it gets easier, but I'm not sure it ever does.
Sorry but I don't know where you are in your journey and I forgot to check if you've posted before so I may be saying what you already know. But ask the ladies on here your questions, as well as your GP. There is no question too dumb or too intimate. It is a very helpful, caring and understanding community. Just ask away 😊 xx
Thanks lovely for your response, it's reassuring to know I'm normal! I had an HSG recently and it wasn't the radiologist who did it so need to wait for 'official results' but was briefly told it was abnormal could be spasm or could be blockage of right tube and may need further investigations. Also have low progesterone. I spoke with my clinic to see about getting a follow-up but it will likely be a while especially with Christmas. They couldn't even give me any idea on waiting times. Just feel so guilty and cross that my body won't do what it's suppose to do. Hope you are okay and wishing you every success with your journey. Thanks a million for listening xxx
The way you're feeling is completely normal. I've had plenty of pity parties where I berate my body for failing us. So many times I have blamed myself for letting my husband down which is crazy anyway, but at no point had he ever suggested this isn't anything other than a team effort.
I have a progesterone problem as well so feel free to PM me at any point to ask questions. The whole process does take so long. It took me 11 months (wasted attempts if you ask me) before being given the right medication. Now that I'm on it, it does work in that it prevents the problem but we didn't get lucky with our first month on it. Hoping next week to get our GP to refer us for IVF while we continue to try naturally with the help of the progesterone.
Do contact me at any point if you have questions or just want to chat. I can't promise I can give you the answers but I'm always willing to listen. Wishing you the best of luck with your journey, and sending you lots of hugs this evening while you're feeling like this xx
Thank you so much lovely, that's so sweet of you. It's so helpful having someone to chat to who truly understands the ups and downs we all go through. My Consultant said that she suspects any embryo conceived is not getting a chance to 'stick' due to my low progesterone and had mentioned about starting me on Clomid but that was prior to HSG and ultrasound scans . Now that HSG has shown a problem I'm not sure where we go from here. I'm aware we're still in the early stage of things as still having investigations but it feels as though it's been such a long process already. Likewise ever need to talk please feel free to contact me any time. Sending you BIG hugs and a massive thanks for listening xxx
I've been told I have a blocked left tube recently. Been back to my gp tonight for a re-referral talk for a better consultant.
Like you, I had a meltdown recently after getting news of a family member expecting their first.
I managed to sneak away to my own office where I cried with rage, jealousy and sadness. I know exactly how you feel.
I, too, am only one at work around my age without the gift of a child. Even got told on Monday how easy I've got it ...... can't say what went through my head!!
Thanks lovely for taking the time to respond and sorry to hear it's been a difficult time for you also. I really struggle to understand how insensitive some people can be. I know often it's unintentional but such personal comments can be very hurtful. I was recently at a lunch do with lots of people who of course brought all their children and babies and actually had someone come up to me and say 'No kids yet then ... ?' At that point I just had to compose myself and walk away. Part of me wants to just be completely honest and state exactly the situation we're in but ironically enough i don't want to hurt others by snapping and I do prefer to keep things private, for the time being anyway. Really hope you're doing ok and wishing you every success with your journey. Sending you BIG hugs xxx
You’re not alone and it’s completely normal to have the occasional meltdown Poppy. Believe me, I’ve had plenty since starting our ttc journey.
I’m really sorry you got so upset today, I can completely relate and sympathise. One of the biggest ones for me was about a year and a half ago just after I had had my miscarriage, and a work colleague came into a meeting I was holding and it was announced she was pregnant. I went out the room and composed myself, but boy did I cry when I got home.
I’m sorry it seems like things are taking so long to get going with your clinic referral. Waiting is so hard sometimes. Have you had all the usual tests to see if you’re ovulating etc yet?
I really hope it comes soon for you. If you have any questions about anything, ask away and I’ll try to answer the as best I can.
Thanks lovely for your reply. So nice to hear from others who truly understand. Yes have had all the routine investigations and awaiting results of some of them. Our Consultant said that my progesterone is suboptimal, I am ovulating but levels are too low to sustain a pregnancy. HSG have also shown a problem (possible spasm or blockage on right tube) so not sure where we go from here. I'm sorry to hear you have had a difficult time too. If you ever need a chat, my inbox is always open xxx
I know what you mean about how nice it is hearing from others who understand - most of my friends have children, and they’ve said it themselves that they can’t imagine what we’re going through. So knowing there is somewhere where there are people who kind of know what you’re talking about is brilliant.
After my hsg they also found my right tube was completely blocked. They sent me for a laparoscopy operation which unblocked the tube, and they also performed ovarian drilling (I have pcos and don’t ovulate at all, so this helped stimulate the ovaries).
Sadly I still didn’t ovulate so I was prescribed letrozole to help ovulation, and the 3rd cycle of that I got my bfp, but sadly miscarried.
A year and a half later, and I’m currently waiting for egg transfer in my ivf cycle.
It’s a long and sometimes heartbreaking process, but will be so worth all of it in the end
I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and everything you have been through. It's a tough journey both emotionally and physically. Sending you BIG hugs and wishing you a successful journey with IVF. I have fingers and toes crossed that 2018 will be a happy and healthy year for us all xxx
It’s totally normal Poppy. I worked with children and there were days where I drove home from work crying because of the infertility and being round colleagues who were pregnant and working with children became unbearable for work in. So I decided that I’ve got to put myself first and I found myself a job as a receptionist at a dental practice. And I can totally understand how you are feeling xxx
Hi lovely, thank you for your reply. That must have been so hard for you, I'm pleased to hear you found yourself a new job and hope you have found this a little easier. The emotional rollercoaster we go through is very hard and it's so nice being able to chat to others who truly understand. Wishing you every success with your journey and sending you big hugs xxx
Very hard. I start tomorrow but I’ve had a trial morning and definitely a lot easier for me. It’s difficult very difficult. And it’s lovely to chat to people who truly understand how you are feeling. Thank you and all the best with your journey and keep us up to date xxx
I can totally relate to your situation. I've just experienced my 2nd m/c and I work for a small company with very few women, and I'm the only one who doesn't have children. Most of the time when they're talking about their families and children I'll smile and join in a bit, but I feel like my childlessness is the elephant in the room. No one at work knows about my situation; I've just preferred to keep it private. I can't really explain why. One of my colleagues is expecting her second grandchild any day now and having just miscarried I can't bring myself to go in because I think the announcement, sharing photos and the congratulations will be unbearable. I feel like a mean person, but I don't know how else to handle it right now.
I think the reality of being strong and positive is it doesn't happen all the time. You're totally not on your own on having a meltdown and having days when you just can't cope; we all do. Having some counselling may help, but I have definitely found that the support on this forum has pulled me back from the brink on the days I feel myself sinking.
Sending you loads of love and a huge hug. I hope you're feeling in some way better today xxx
Thank you so much for your reply and so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It's such an emotional rollercoaster isn't it?!? I actually was sat there feeling ashamed that my body won't do what it's suppose to do and kept wondering if people just assume that I don't want children. I contemplated just being open with everyone but at present I do prefer to keep things private. I have contacted my clinic to enquire about counseling just to help digest and process what we're going through. It is my day off today so having my hair done to cheer myself up. I really hope you are doing ok. If you ever need a chat my inbox is always open, I find it's so helpful to talk things through, especially with others who truly understand the ups and downs xxx
Thanks Poppy, that's really kind of you. Everyone on this forum is amazing - having the support of people who really get it has completely saved me. I just wish we all got the right support, from the right people at the right time!
I'm exactly the same as you; I feel ashamed of what my body can't do, and I wonder if people think I don't like/don't want children. I know it shouldn't matter what other people think, but it's one of the thousands of things that's constantly whirring around my brain.
Have a lovely, lovely pamper day and I hope the clinic can give you some extra support xxx
This forum has saved me too!! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and chat, I really do feel better knowing there's a good support network for us all. I have fingers and toes crossed that 2018 will be a better year for us all. Sending lots of love and BIG hugs ❤ xxx
As we approach the three year mark in January where my OH said he’d like to start a family, and with one bfn and two bfps resulting in missed miscarriages, I’ve lost count of the amount of melt downs I have these days. I’d say it’s at least 1-2 a week. But the rest of the week I put on my brave face to the rest of the world. And I tell myself I’m ok. Mostly I am but we all have days when it just gets too much. The trigger can be anything; pregnancy announcements, seeing a newborn baby (in life or even on the tv) I even read a quote yesterday (after first seeing another pregnancy announcement on Facebook) that one of the hardest things about losing your baby is never knowing what colour it’s eyes would be and that set me off. Christmas shopping with all the children’s toys and tiny little clothes all geared up for winter warmth. I’ll walk past these things with my head purposely looking in the other direction. But I’m here to tell you that meltdowns are completely normal, sadly. You’ll either learn to take them as part of your new “normal” or beat yourself up every time it happens. Don’t be too hard on yourself xx
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulties you have been through and I truly hope things do get better. You're so right about triggers, can be the smallest of things that set me off and I do worry about how I must come across to those who are unaware of our situation. It's been so helpful chatting things through with everyone on this forum. I hope you are able to have a lovely Christmas and I am hoping 2018 will be a much better year xxx
Is there a counsellor at your clinic, there should be. I know you said it’s early days but speak to the counsellor you may find it very helpful I speak to mine every 2 weeks.
I know it’s difficult I work in a nursery and have to deal with it everyday and currently there are pregnant women who work there and im so jealous and find myself saying why them and not me, it’s perfectly natural to think like this.
Talking to someone with experience will help you overcome these thoughts and will give you coping strategies in difficult situations like these.
Hi lovely, thank you for your response. Yes there is and this morning I have managed to book an appointment to see the counsellor for after Christmas so I feel I have done something positive. I'm sorry to hear you've had a tough time, it's such a rollercoaster of emotions and unless you're going through it I think it's very difficult to truly understand. My inbox is always open if you need a chat xxx
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