Hate feeling like this 😟 feel like I... - Fertility Network UK

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Hate feeling like this 😟 feel like I'm losing it

Tara2016 profile image

I feel like I'm on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. We are due to embark on donor sperm IVF overseas at Christmas which I am excited about but also extremely full of worry and anxiety. This really is our last chance and it's stressing me thinking about the what ifs.

Now work is beyond stressful to top it all off. I'm snowed under beyond belief and I have so many people dependant on me. I end up sacrificing my happiness and health to help others. I have so much work to do I'm working nearly 15 hours daily and I'm working this weekend. I just want to calling sick but if I do the work will just be piling up waiting for my return. There is no way out!

Now I'm sat here not sure whether I want to cry, scream at the top of my lungs or smash things.

All I want is to be overseas focusing on creating a family and that's all I can think about. I'm literally counting the days!!

So sorry for the enormous rant, I just needed to somehow get out how I'm feeling. I'm sure next week will be a better week xxx

21 Replies

Hey if you’re being put upon like that at work you need to speak to someone and tell them it needs to change. They’ll keep piling it on if you don’t say anything. Can you tell them you’re having ivf and need to have a much reduced amount of stress? Otherwise perhaps think about going sick around your treatment to keep the stres levels down. Hope you feel a bit better for having a rant! Xx

Hey thanks for your message, luckily my boss is very supportive and knows what I'm going through. But unfortunately there is nothing else she can do, because the entire team is overstretched and there is no one else to give my work to. I'm also a senior member of staff so my clients are very much dependant on me. I manage to hold it together for work but then when I get home I fall apart. Things will definitely settle down and I'm working hard to wind things down ready for when I return (hopefully pregnant). I just don't know how I'm going to survive from now until Xmas Eve xxx

Must admit do feel a bit better after my rant and filling my belly with dinner haha x

Is there anything that can be done to tell clients they can’t have it all if everyone’s over stretched?

Yes a rant and food always help!

Hopefully things will start to calm a bit in the run up to Xmas - that’s what I’m hoping too!

Good luck with your treatment xxx

I wish there was. Sometimes I feel like telling them what I'm going through but that would affect my professional boundaries with them. You're right though, things will settle soon xx

Hi there, I really feel for you. It’s really important that you try to look after yourself... I know easier said than done. Work is work at the end of the day and this opportunity is something which is super important and which you need to be physically and emotionally strong for. Am sending you a big hug xx

Tara2016 profile image
Tara2016 in reply to Lou7744

Awww thanks Lou! I just feel like I want the ground to swallow me up and then spit Mr back out again when it's time for IVF. Everyone is so dependant on me though and I feel like I'm failing because I can't keep on top of it all. As soon as Xmas comes I will totally switch off but it's just getting through the next 6 weeks xxx

Other thoughts - you could try getting in for some massages, reflexology or acupuncture and also try mindfulness. I found the mindful ivf app really good for helping me calm down and focus on the ivf. xx

Absolutely agree, been meaning to check in for some spa treatments so will definitely prioritise that very soon. Thanks hun and I hope your journey goes well too xx


We had our first round of IVF in July this year and fortunately I am now 24 weeks pregnant. I too have a very stressful job with as how long hours. It was a really difficult decision however in the end I took sick leave through my IVF treatment in order to rest, clear my mind and focus my body positively. I am 100% convinced that this break led to our positive result. I would encourage anyone going through fertility treatment to focus entirely on the process and listen to your body. I appreciate that life gets in the way and it is not always possible but for those of us who have been trying to get pregnant for a long time- it is crucial. My GP was very understanding and essentially signed me off with stress due to fertility treatment. Perhaps it has affected my status as Work, but with my wonderful result I couldn’t actually care less!! Maybe something to think about?

Tara2016 profile image
Tara2016 in reply to Hannah_85

Hi Hannah,

I totally hear what you are saying and you're right!! I just don't think I have the balls or confidence to sign off work as that is the only way I will get the break I need. I will also feel so guilty about letting my colleagues and clients down due to the type of work I am in. It's such a dilemma for me. I however know that once I start treatment I am off work for the duration and then when I return I will absolutely put my foot down. It's just killing me right now and I am counting down the days until I finish for Xmas.

Also big congratulations on your pregnancy!! I sooooo can't wait to be where you are xx

nothing is more important than you health, physical and mental, I understand the pressures of work, I've felt like that so many times lately. But I've also had to say nothing is more important than starting a family and something's got to give; and it won't be my health or relationship with the husband.look after number 1 it's so important!

Tara2016 profile image
Tara2016 in reply to jhb_c

Hey! Yeah I know your absolutely right, it's awful how much work controls our lives, so fed up of it! But as I mentioned to Hannah, the good thing is that I won't be experiencing this stress when I start. Also I believe that work related stress played a factor in my first miscarriage :( x

jhb_c profile image
jhb_c in reply to Tara2016

that's just awful, sorry to hear. I was signed off work for a few weeks ago due to the stress of all of this. I felt guilty and awful, much like you said you feel, but I put my foot down....i have to come first now. I teach and although I love my job and wouldn't change it for the world, I refuse to risk my own health and fertility for the sake of someone else's child...they will still get an education and the class will keep running without me there. It was a massive step to take to get signed off, but I'm so glad I did it, if the time comes in the future and I have to do it again then I will, I won't hesitate and reach rock bottom again before I do it next time.xx

Thanks for your kind words. Yes it was a dreadful time. I was having conflict with one of my colleagues, my supportive manager left and I was snowed under trying to support others going though grief and loss whilst going through the same myself. I don't know how I managed. I ended up leaving that team and where I am now is much better but the workload is higher and more complex. I do enjoy my work as well and I'm so good at what I do and it can be so rewarding but I'm definitely in the wrong job for what I'm going through. I have however learned from my past experience and I am 100% going to put this cycle first and I don't have another chance!! Xx

jhb_c profile image
jhb_c in reply to Tara2016

glad to hear you're going to put yourself first, in this game we have far less hands to play than everyone else, we need to use them wisely to win big!xx

Tara2016 profile image
Tara2016 in reply to jhb_c

Very true x

Other things I can totally recommend are reflexology and accupuncture. Anything you can do to try to relax mind and body will absaloutely benefit you now!

Have as many sessions as possible now as when you do get pregnant you can’t indulge at all for a while!!

Tara2016 profile image
Tara2016 in reply to Hannah_85

Thanks Hannah I've always been interested in reflexology and acupuncture but never tried it. I will have to look into this in my area xx

I also had two lots of accupuncture on day on embryo transfer- one session before and one straight after. Not saying it was the answer but you never know!!! Might be worth looking up therapists overseas as well as it can’t do any harm!!

That's a good idea hadn't thought of looking for it whilst I am overseas. I must admit I'm a bit freaked out by acupuncture but if I can handle the needles in IVF then I'm sure acupuncture is nothing lol x

Promise you it doesn’t hurt! Exactly we go through so much invasivness in IVF acupuncture’s nothing!!

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