Stupid Christmas adverts: our baby... - Fertility Network UK

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Stupid Christmas adverts

louisear profile image

our baby should have been with us 10 days before Christmas. Now it's just round the corner it feels like it's everywhere and I can't look at decorations, cards etc without breaking down in tears. I'm thinking I should go for counselling. This can't be normal 😞

18 Replies

It’s normal to grieve and will take some time. Kind thoughts and hugs to you xx

louisear profile image
louisear in reply to Squeak2

thank you for your kindness. I just don't know when it will end. It's getting harder if anything xx

Hi hunny, I’m not in your situation so can’t speak from experience, but I don’t think any emotions through this infertility journey can be classed as “normal”! It’s such a cruel journey and if your struggling there is nothing wrong speaking to someone or asking for help. Infertility strips us of so much and can have such an impact on our lives and you will always think of your little baba at Christmas now, but should that little person have made it and grown up you can guarantee they wouldn’t want what is a happy time of the year to be forever tainted with such sadness for you. This year will no doubt be very raw for you, we are all here if you need to talk, but speaking to someone professionally can’t hurt and if it’s not for you then you don’t have to do it again. Sending you much love x x

louisear profile image
louisear in reply to Jonesjp

thank you. That's lovely and you're right. It's only been 4 months since we found out the worst so guess it'll take a bit longer yet. All the best to you xx

Maybe you should? I haven’t discounted the idea myself yet. Christmas doesn’t upset me even though Babba Bean was due November the 10th, but I get that it could be upsetting to you. Adverts with babies in on the other hand.....

I think due dates are always going to be hard. Thinking of you xx

louisear profile image
louisear in reply to Tugsgirl

thank you Vicky. Hope you're bearing up ok. Some days I'm fine then others its your full on pity party xx

Tugsgirl profile image
Tugsgirl in reply to louisear

I know how that feels 😢 xx

Dates are such a heavy thing to have round you. For me waiting for that date to come was prob one of the hardest bits. I would try and stay focused in my head and tell myself that it was an 'around a bout date' and that why I didn't have to focus too much on the date given if that makes sense?. I ended up going for Cognitive Brain Therapy (CBT) and it did help and taught me ways of thinking which I still use today. So maybe if you've not spoke to anyone it's something Def to consider with the build up to your date.

I've just read your story and it's all so sad. Mine is similar and we're just about to start with Doner eggs. It's taken a while to get to that point, but it's brought me some excitement back.

Sending you a huge hug, it's so hard to walk this path but it really does help having this forum here to just hear from others who have also been there. It makes you realise that what seems like such a lonely world becomes a world full of women who all understand xxx

louisear profile image
louisear in reply to baby2016

thank you. That's all really good advice. It's sometimes hard to stay positive and it really is peaks and troughs of emotions. Good luck to you on the next stage. Really hope you get your happy ending. You're right, this site is a godsend and so lovely to speak with people who understand. Best of luck 🍀 xx

I think it is normal- my due date coincided with my birthday and it really upset me for several weeks before and peaked to an emotional crescendo of horror during the actual week. I became very anxious and very snappy with my hubbie. I do now go for counselling and I think it helps, but I also wanted to reassure you that finding significant dates hard is a normal part of grief. 😥 I am so sorry for your loss.

thank you. I'm relieved I'm not the only one and I guess whatever we're feeling it is normal. I'm sorry you've had such an awful time too. Fingers crossed for your happy ending xx

So sorry to read of your loses, it's truly terrible xx. I would have been due on the 7th of December, and although I've grieved for our baby there are days when it just seems more unfair than usual, so I feel some of your pain xx counselling has helped me to grieve but it's still tough, and it is completely normal to feel at breaking point, please don't beat yourself up for feeling sad lovely xxxxx

so sorry you've had a difficult time too. Some days it's just overwhelming and it feels so hard to cope then others you feel strong and able to deal with it before it comes crashing down all over again. Hopefully you're finding ways to get through and hope we both find our happy endings. Hugs to you xx

So sorry to hear you're feeling so rubbish - it's impossible isn't it, the constant reminders. Baby adverts and Christmas adverts that are totally geared around children can be sickening. My husband and I have taken to going away at Christmas. It helps a little to know you can at least get away, have a change of scene, do something different so you're not faced with everything etc. Even a long weekend in a little cottage in the countryside with a log fire, books, maybe a hot tub can help you indulge yourself a bit and focus on you and your other half, you can retreat from the world a little. I also recommend counselling, my lovely NHS counsellor is unfortunately no longer available to me so I'm in the process of finding someone private as I find being able to rant about whatever I need to, cry, talk without being judged, is invaluable.

I'm 41 and considering donor eggs for our next cycle. I've been knocked for six though by my best friend who just announced she's pregnant at 43 after never having wanted children but just deciding to try in the past few months. She fell pregnant really easily and is 18 weeks now. I can't bear the thought of our friendship changing but at the same time I can't bear to be around her. It's like there's always another blow around the corner just when you think you've started to get over the last one. I think that's why it gets harder, because with each new blow you're knocked that bit further down and it's that much more difficult to get up. I understand, and you're not alone in your feelings.

Thinking of you and I sympathise so much. Sending hugs X

thank you. That's so lovely. I can imagine it must be difficult for you to be around your friend. Isn't that just the way of the world. Good luck for your next cycle. I really don't think I can go through another cycle of IVF. You're very brave and hope you get your happy ending xx

Hey my lovely! So sorry to hear your feeling this way. I’m sat here this evening considering seeing a counsellor too. I lost my twins 6 weeks ago and I just can’t stop crying & I don’t know if it’s normal! Do you cry, do you try to control it or is it just the hormones. In limbo at the moment. Might as well give it a shot what’s the harm ay!

louisear profile image
louisear in reply to Hope85

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost twins too at 12 wks 7 years ago. This is my third miscarriage. 6 wks is still very early for you and whatever you're doing it's totally normal. Grief is a terrible thing and it overwhelms you. Some days I'm fine and then out of nowhere it hits you once again like you're realising what's happened all over again. I can easily have a total meltdown at any given moment. Take time for you, have counselling if you feel it would help (I haven't and not even been offered). We're all here for you on here to share, help and support xx

Hope85 profile image
Hope85 in reply to louisear

3 miscarriage! Your a strong lady don’t think I would cope if I went through this again. Xx

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