TTC for 5 years. Ivf fresh/frozen & now de. Looking for support. Thank you x

[Hampshiregal]

I had de transfer today so now ttw starts. I'm being hopeful. It's taken me two years to be able to accept de. If successful, I'm confident that I will bond with and love my child. I have huge concerns about how my child will feel about themselves and their identity. I feel that I have been selfish, to put my wishes first? I do also feel like a failure having to use de but that's my issue.

I've had two positive results before and got soooo excited only for it to end so sadly. So, I'm hoping & wishing, looking for signs and waiting to test. Unfortunately, it keeps reminding me of previous rounds. As I said, I'm quietly hopeful.

I've loved reading people thoughts as they go through this journey. Thank you for your support x

[CountryCat]

Hope it all goes perfectly and that it is successful - fingers firmly crossed!! Wishing you all the very best xx

[Alice_W123]

So happy for you (started de).

But at the same time sad (for your last unsuccessful attempts).

Hope that`s everything would be fine this time.

Believe in yourself and do whatever you can.

[baby2016]

Hi Hampshiregal, I've responded to you on my post you commented on yesterday, but just wanted to wish you so much luck on your 2ww xx

[Hampshiregal]

Thank you for your responses.

It's taken me a long time to accept the de route but I wanted to post that I do feel the same as I did with previous transfers. I'm really surprised but it just feels like my body. I had been struggling with de right up to walking into the room and seeing all the medical staff. I know that everyone is different but do hope this gives some help to others trying to accept de.

Best wishes xx

[Cinderella5]

Im glad that you can move forward with DE, it is hard giving up on our rubbish eggs! Wishing you all the best, keep us posted with your journey! I feel that it really helps to read of others going through these things in order to come to acceptance....it did for me anyway! Lots of luck, fingers crossed for you!xx

[Evie1]

Good luck to you, the tww is so long and drawn out, it's the waiting isn't it, and as you said looking for signs. Be kind to yourself I hope all goes successfully for you to carry a wonderful baby, your miracle xx

[Hidden]

Good luck on your TWW. You will absolutely love your child, you are growing that child in your womb, it's feeding and gaining life, from you. It's your child you are the mother.

My sister has a friend who has DE twins. It's not even a remote issue for her. They are her children and she loves them.

If you have an minor doubts, a scientist I know, who is having DE IVF too, explained about epigenetics, relating to DE. Sure you already read about this, but it explains how the mother influences the childs DNA. It's interesting.

yourivfjourney.com/epigenet...

I found the article really encouraging.

Enjoy the 2ww..nothing quite like it!! xxx

[Soapsuds86]

Can I ask why you are going for de? What made you jump to it? My embryos die off at day 3 and I'm left to about 1 out of 20 eggs and 80% fertilisation rate. Something i may have to start to consider, although very reluctant to.

I shall be looking out for updates. Wish you all the best xx

[Hampshiregal in reply to Soapsuds86]

Because of my age Soapsuds, I was told I had about 5-10 % chance of success with my own and 50- 60 % with de. The consultants believe I'll have a much better chance from a donor who's much younger and has proven her fertility.

If we'd won the lottery, I guess I'd want to keep trying with my eggs a few more cycles but we have now spent over 20k on treatment. I've never been entitled to NHS funding due to my age (I should have gone to my gp a long time ago but just believed I'd be ok) and not allowed any packages of treatment- no buy one get 3 tries for us. Which is funny as I just don't look my age. Honestly, every time it comes up, people think I'm early to mid thirties. My parents always looked good for their age but that's one characteristic I won't be able to pass on......

[Soapsuds86 in reply to Hampshiregal]

Ah I see. Of course going to de seems the best option. It is crazy how much ivf costs. We've paid for two and were lucky enough to get funded two. Still in doubt as to whether to go for it again.

Thats fab you don't look your age, ha. I'm sure your baby will be perfect with which ever characteristics are picked up. Wish you every piece of luck xx

[Hampshiregal in reply to Soapsuds86]

We did think about going abroad as there are clinics out there that are much more reasonably priced. I watched several useful YouTube clips about clinics abroad but for various reasons we stayed with our local clinic. I did like falling into my own bed after getting home from treatment. I think my OH just looked at the stats and really thought de would work. I guess I felt guilty spending more money with my rubbish eggs.

I'm pretty upset because it feels like af on her way. My OH is going to be so disappointed. Why is this so easy for everyone else?

[Soapsuds86 in reply to Hampshiregal]

Going abroad hasn't really appealed to me. People have suggested it.

I ask myself this everyday. Why people have babies so easily and why we have to go through so much. I've felt trapped for do long now and really struggling to move forwards. In so much doubt as to what to do next. It just sucks so much.

Oh hun. Af is just cruel. It's just so horrible as you know when it's coming. 😘 xx

[Fredaflintstone]

Wishing you all the best xx