Secondary Infertility

[Paula106]

Hi there, I'm so glad I found this support network as sometimes you can feel so alone. I was 34 when I had my little boy and yes, I was that person who thought it could never happen to me. I don't think I have lived a sheltered life but I had never experienced anyone in my network of friends that ever had problems with conceiving. You don't ever think for one moment that it will be YOU who can never have another child. Stupidly...almost laughable looking back at it now, I had it all planned, I was so naïve. Once my little one was 11 months, of course I would have a second. There would be a lovely age gap and everything would be fine and dandy. Wow, what happened? It took me 3 months to fall pregnant the first time so why what was going on? 5 years later and we are no further forward. I've been through the tough times like so many of us have, where you see all your friends having a 2nd; where people don't tell you to "Relax" anymore or "It will happen"; they don't even ask now. I have been told by a spiritual lady to stop worrying about what you haven't got and enjoy what you have got but that is so hard, isn't it? It consumes your life and every month you get the wonderful reminder that it's not happened again. I am lucky to have 1, I know that but it doesn't make it any easier as it's about YOU at the end of the day and how YOU feel. I just and really empathise for anyone who is yet to be a parent. x

[Hidden]

I can really relate to this post- I had my first child without any problems ( albeit I was very young) and 12 years later I got married and started TTC- this was 5 years 11 months ago. It took us 5 years and 10 months of TTC to get a proper diagnosis- it turns out I have endometriosis- I had a laparoscopy done last month and my consultant found and removed endometriosis from my pouch of Douglas-which caused cycle abnormalities, chronic pain, and secondary infertility. I found it such a shock to have difficulties having a child. Yet it's surprisingly common (it is in my family anyway,) my cousin struggled with having her second child- she has polycystic ovaries but fell on clomid after TTC for 18 months, my younger sister tried for 14 months before conceiving my niece- no fertility investigations were as it never got to that point.

Even though I'm thankful to have my son I still hurt trying to have this child with my husband ( son is from previous relationship,) I don't think it matters how many children you have once you decide you want a child and can't it'll still be difficult and painful.

I hate that "relax and it will happen" line,- it's such a load of crap! Its unhelpful and demeaning to those struggling to conceive 😬. I've heard that one many times- coz I'm sure by relaxing would have treated my undiagnosed endometriosis and voila I'd fallen just like that!!!! It's worse when medics join in- our ex consultant literally shrugged his shoulders look at me and said ( and I'm not joking) " you've already got a child- I don't understand it,!" Great I felt wonderful!! But thankfully we have been under a different consultant ( we were discharged with trying or IVF and he missed my endometriosis 😬) been under new consultant for a year and he's brilliant- so supportive and efficient and completely trust him-important in this field.

I also find it can be consuming ,-i try to do other things such as I'm doing a teaching assistant course- work in two schools and planned a holiday away to Malta for hubby's birthday next February. I think it's really important to do things for you and to do things together non baby related- tho if you have a younger child must be harder. ( My son is 18- yeah I know im mad for wanting to do it all again haha) I think at times you can in the throng of this forget you matter too! Even tho I try to keep busy I still think more about it then I'd like to.

Have you been referred to a fertility specialist for investigations? I hope you don't think I'm being nosy.

xoxo

[Alice_W123]

Did you visit fertility doctor?

What did he say?

If everyone knocked under to fate we (infertile ladies) would not have a chance for our happiness...

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Paula106. secondary infertility is a really frustrating diagnosis, especially when all went well first time round, and can understand you wanting a little sister or brother for your son. You have been trying for a long time now, so perhaps it is now time to see your GP and get some investigations under way, while you are still a treatable age - if you haven't already done so. Hopefully investigations will be funded by the NHS, but you will probably realise that should you need treatment then you will have to pay. On a practical level it might be an idea to seek some support from other sources too. You can access information about Support Groups in your area by going to our website fertilitynetworkuk.org and click on “How can we help you” – “For those trying to become parents” – support – support groups – England – then select the area you are looking for. There is always the opportunity of counselling which could help at the moment, and should be available at your clinic/hospital once referred, or through your GP. A charity called the “British Infertility Counselling Association” can also be accessed at bica.net this is not a free service, but they are all specially qualified in counselling people with fertility issues. Hopefully you will find some support while you are waiting - and I wish you well for a positive outcome. Diane

[Paula106]

Thank you all for your comments. Unfortunately we have 'Unexplained Infertility (UI)' so our only option is IVF, as far as I'm aware. Our next hospital appointment is in a couple of weeks so I'm going armed with lots of questions. I would have preferred to try ovarian stimulation agents but the NICE guidelines state that people with UI will not be offered this type of treatment as there is no evidence proving that this increases the chance of pregnancy or a live birth. Drugs such as Clomid will only be offered to people who have PCOS, irregular ovulation or pituitary tumour/disorders. Since my son has been born I have been diagnosed with Empty Sella Syndrome (where the pituitary gland becomes flattened), and this can happen through pregnancy. The long and the short of it is, it can cause dysfunction of the pituitary gland and can cause infertility issues, but as far as I'm aware they don't know why. When I did mention it to the consultant she seemed to dismiss it quite quickly. I don't know if this because some of my hormone level tests were fine and I'm not showing any of the associated symptoms but this is what I want them to explain to me as it's not very clear. My husband doesn't want to pursue IVF for a number of reasons, so I do feel as this is nearly the end of the road for us. I have got in touch with my hospital who have offered counselling moving forward as I have a gut feeling it's not going to be good news. I'll keep you posted. x