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Fertility Network UK
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alternative to surrogacy

hi all. A lot of time passed from my last post and now things are even worse. Dh become infertile, dr sad about azoospermia. in any case we can`t have own child and using two donors for us is the same, as adoption.

So, I see no sense of going somewhere for surrogacy now..adoption only?

What do you think about it?

If there any difference between 2 donors surrogacy and adoption?

P.S.: in adoption you, at least, can choose child. in any case i think so.

24 Replies

Poor you. I really feel for you as infertility is awful in any case.

We also have faced this issue many years ago, our souls were full with sadness and devastation. We thought about adoption but it didn't work for us as we didn't want to wait too long. that's why we have opted for de ivf, just started my stimulation. so I don't see anything bad concerning de ivf.

actually, you can't choose a baby, it's quite long and complicated procedure..

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Thank you, helen_.

In case if I become pregnant I won`t be able to take my medicine and my mental health can vary drastically (in a result of mc in the past).

4 month ago was thinking about surrogacy, but now...

And what about adoption? Please, could you tell me more?

i`d wait for treatment of dh infertility, it can take a while, so i just searches for alternative.

P.S.: at least 3-4 month for treatment + some rest and only than we, possibly, could try IVF (unlikely) or surrogacy = at least 2 years before we see a child...


As far as I know, some women with your disease got pregnant, they were able to give births to kids with no problems, of course they took some medicine to support pregnancy, but also they had to be under control, you know what I mean

what is wrong with a surrogacy? to my mind, it is also a good idea, you'll have a child genetically connected to you, is it too bad?


If dh treatment will be successful than we`ll probably take advantage of your advice.

Otherwise there are no difference between 2 donors surrogacy and adoption for us...


why do you mean by no difference between these options?

each option has its own pros and cons.

if you choose donors - you will carry a baby for yourself, you will take all responsibilities for your own.

if you choose a surrogacy that means you won't carry a baby, you don't need to worry about your health state and you won't stop taking your pills.

an adoption, it's a bit different from any kind of reproductive treatment, you will be responsible fr a baby who has no connection to you except your willing to love him or her.

adoption involves a lot of steps, the adoption process is a roller coaster of emotions, paperwork, and love.

but you are the one who make up a mind for desirable option.


I can`t carry by myself because in that case I won`t be able to tace my medicine (at least mc as result).

In case of surrogacy I want to be 100% sure that my baby won`t have the same (bipolar disorder) problem as me. So PGD or donor needed.

If there any more troubles with dh infertility than we`ll need 2 donors and there is no diffs with "responsible fr a baby who has no connection to you except your willing to love him or her."

In such case we`d like to choose a child (if anyway neither of us can`t have a baby).


Hi! Sorry for all that you've been tthrough. I've looked through your previous posts and can imagine how tought this could be when you have no hope for being like others, to become a mom simplty when you plan it. basically I understand why you opted for surrogacy..we want to have own children but unfortunately it wasn't meant to happen to all. I also thought of surrogacy not so long ago and I tought it was the only option for me..maybe it's still so (beta is tomorrow, if it's negative I'll move to surrogacy). I just want to advise you not to make hasty decisions. I read about infertility in men and there are still chnces even if your husband has poor semen. surrogacy with ICSI must be more efficient, maybe it's possible to do TESA/TESE to collect better sperm...please, don't burn all down if you are not sure it won't work in any case becasue adoption is extremely difficult process.

Hold on girl! Take care x

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I`ll wait in any case.

If we find a relatively (2-3 years) fast adoption program with acceptable conditions, we`ll think about it (I heard about war conflicts somewhere near Russia).

If not - than surrogacy (with one or two, in case of unsuccessful treatment, donor) is our only option.

Wishing you the very best of luck with surrogacy.


don't want to be rude but these both options are extremely different. of course, the outcome is the same but the ways of reaching it are different. both of them need time and money and difference in these aspects depends on where you want to have surrogacy or adopt. i know some details as after miscarriage I decided to adopt a baby. i also was interested in surrogacy but soon it was clear, it was not for me. you see, I don't want any woman on the planet to be exploited for money. surrogacy is immoral act unless it's altruistic, although some people can spoil even such pure deeds. you need to study the issue and then we can discuss it. or you may ask questions, as I can tell you a lot

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Thank you for answer.

Would you kindly to share your experience about adoption.

Begin a study about it only few days ago (after dr sad about azoospermia of dh).

If treatment will go well, we`d definitively try surrogacy with own eggs\sperm.


Any time. adoption is a long process but when you know you can make one soul happier inspires. at first you need contact an adoption agency, meet a representative, fill in an aplication form and then wait. you should be ready for social worker's visits, police check, you also may attend some classes which can teach you how to act with your new baby. All this is necessary to decide whether you are suitable to adopt or not. if yes, you'll be refferred to an adoption register where you can see the list of children needed to be adopted. and then wait...for more details I can PM you



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Best wishes,



Thank you very much for protecting us, I really felt offended when that woman wrote a reply to me.


I've just deleted again and will report username's to Health Unlocked.

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thanks a lot, don't want to be offended here. My goal was to find a support here but not rude words

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I`m very appreciate for your help.

Not only for giving to us some pleasant to discuss such specific problem but for protection people from such rude persons, as recently blocked.

Thank you very much. =)




Hi there.

I'm currently acting as a surrogate for my sister. You DO NOT get paid for this in the U.K only reasonable expenses like petrol, loss of earnings etc. I believe that in the U.K. Also one of you has to be biologically related to the baby. I'm not sure on other country laws.

Surrogacy is a huge step and a very long and emotional road, as is any fertility path, we had a year of counselling before we started any treatment. My sister has not ruled out adoption if this doesn't work but I know that can be a long journey too. Hope this helps a little. Good luck.

Lou x

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Hi. The main problem in: one of you has to be biologically related to the baby.

If I will be a donor, than child could have my disease. I can be pregnant, but in such situation i can`t take my medicine, which resulted in mc last time and doctors recommends surrogacy. In case of husband - he must cure his infertility.

Just thinking what to choose: adoption (if any more problems occurs in our life)\surrogacy. P.S.: awaiting for time when my cousin become a mom and will ask her again about her surrogacy. It`s about 5 month, but she got twins and I can`t even imagine how childbirth will affect her health and will to bear (surrogate) my and dh`s child.

In the same time I`ll try to find affordable clinic with PGD and surrogacy.


I think that overall there are not so many differences between those two, with surrogacy you can raise a child right from the very first day of her life, with adoption it is really hard to do and almost impossible. But I am not sure that surrogacy with embryo donation can be somehow regulated by low... In Ukraine, it is banned to not use genetic material of at least one parent. and I cannot even imagine the process behind performing the documents of your child. However, I am not a professional.

But I think that you cannot choose a baby with adoption...

I have read a few comments here and saw that you are considering ivf. If I were you, I'd go for ivf because surrogacy requires not only strong mental health but also a reason, an actual proof that your only way is surrogacy. Plus what can be better than a joy of carrying a child???

Anyways, what do you think?


hey there OP. It's so sad to hear that both of you are infertile now. I am glad you haven't given up hope, both of you. Honestly its great that you are thinking about adoption over surrogacy as you said you don't see any point in having a baby through surrogacy as it wouldn't be related to you or your husband genetically.Firstly I also think that adoption is clearly the better option in this for many reasons I mean you would be changing lives of kids and giving them a home moreover you won't have to go through all the struggle related to the latter option.I also opt for adoption and all the best luck to you and your hubby.I see a lot of people still trying to suggest surrogacy and I see where they are coming from as well. I mean it really comes down to how both of you feel emotionally about the whole process and what kind of a relationship would you be having with the baby from either process. Good luck with making your decision much love.


dear marzila66, this is heart-wrenching to hear your story.Nothing can be as depressing as that neither of the parents unable to produce eggs and sperms.I really wish that you guys find out the best option for each other and may strength be with you both always.According to me, surrogacy is better than adoption as you get to connect with the baby from the very start.In adoption, you just pick the already born child.The thing is the pregnancy time you get to enjoy it, may it be indirectly so you should be looking into means of getting a baby by surrogacy also fate might become in your favor sooner or later and one of you might be able to produce your fertilising material and you would be able to have a child of your own traits your own blood.So go into the clinics which offer such facilities and get your tests done soon.You never know what might be waiting for you as a surprise.Feel positive always.Goodluck!


Oh no, you're going through two-sided infertility here. I feel extremely sorry for you. I know that any hopes you might have had are also let down by this. Your husband is also in need of support. Don't let him feel any less worthy. Adoption is good to go. You are right that surrogacy might be more expensive as you'll be arranging for two donors and all. Can you opt for independent surrogacy though?


Hello. I am so sorry for you but there is a huge difference between surrogacy and adoption. As you said that your better half is experiencing infertility. You are fine so why you are going for 2 contributors. There is an immense distinction amongst surrogacy and adoption. You can utilize your eggs in it. By this, you will have a child having your hereditary character. In selection, the infant has a place with another person and you never met their folks. I think If I were in your place I would pick surrogacy. Surrogacy is here and there last any desire for some couples. In reception, there are numerous customs to be filled. In any case, in surrogacy, there is no such system. My friend puts it all on the line. Her better half had an erection problem. She is content with her significant other and little girl. She is cheerful that she settled on a correct decision.


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