Just a rant....annoying older sister

So guys I needed your advice.... Since our second ivf failed this week I have been getting a bit annoyed at my sister. We have a family what's app group and she keeps posting endless pictures of my neice, and now she has posted a father days collage that my neices nusery have done. Along with my neice making a cup for fathers day. I feel like my sister is just always posting pictures. I don't know if I am just over reacting or I'm just a bit sensitive at the moment that I feel like she's doing it on purpose. She knows it didn't work out for us but I just thought she would be a bit more considerate. I adore my neice and would do anything for her... But just feel like my sister isn't being supportive. A few months ago she was talking about trying for a second baby.... Like I wouldn't ever talk about stuff like that to someone that is having troubles concieving. I was actually feeling ok today but the pics have made me feel sad.

Thanks for listening xx

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  • I totally understand how your feeling although it's from my sister in law, I get the same continuous insensitive photos of my nephew. Last year after our 3rd cycle was unsuccessful she announced she was pregnant and that she now knew what it was like to struggle as it had taken her 5 months which broke her!! This then led to me speaking to her, I can't say it's changed much but maybe if you just say to your sister that as much as you love your niece things like Father's Day are incredibly hard and it can be hard seeing photos etc.

    Maybe she doesn't realise how much it affects you by her sending them x

  • I don't think she does realise, I just feel like last week was a quite week and I didn't hear form get hardly and as soon as I let her know our ivf failed again it's picture after picture!!! Maybe I just need time. Like I said I have nothing but love for my neice and I am always spoiling her. I guess it's just a raw time ATM x

  • Definitely is raw and naturally your going to very emotional, I don't think people truly understand how hard a unsuccessful cycle is. If your sisters approachable I would try and speak to her before it ends in you falling out. Really hope things get better for you x

  • I totally get what you are feeling.After my first failed cycle a friend just had a baby and was constantly sending me pics of the baby girl.one day i couldnt take it and i snapped.my friend apologised for not being sensitive to what i was going through .Sometimes people just dont know what to do and they go on with their lives while we are stuck on TTC.have a nice talk with your sis about how you feel.xx

  • I think I will talk to her, after our failure she kept texting maybe you should do this and that so I just politely emailed her and said that I didn't want to talk about ivf as it was still raw and that I was getting upset. She understood that but I think maybe I need just a quite little word again x

  • She is being insensitive, considering I see your BFN was this week. This isn't you being overly sensitive. My sister also said some insensitive comments when I was trying and poorly with endo. In the end I didn't tell anyone when we actually went through IVF. It worked well, as I didn't need to get upset about peoples stupid comments while going through treatment. It was self protection.. I'd recommend it...

  • Thanks hun, we didn't tell anyone about this ivf. But I guess my sister is a bit wise and she came to stay and saw the the injection box lol. But she didn't mention it to me she mentioned it to my mum! Next time I will have to be a little careful! X

  • I would be upset if I was you especially at the moment when you probably need a bit of a break from all baby related things. I think a lot of us are feeling a bit on edge with father's day approaching as well which is to be expected. We probably are being over senastive but I think we can be forgiven for this considering what we go though so don't feel bad and good that you can get if off your chest here and have a good vent xxx

  • It's true hun, although my husband isn't fussed about father's day because he didn't have a dad growing up, I still feel bad for him. I want him to be a father and enjoy that day. My husband adores my neice I guess it breaks my heart seeing him like that. I just didn't want to come across as being jelous if I spoke to my sister because I'm not it's just that I think she sends to many frequent updates x

  • I understand it's a very frustrating situation as I'm sure there are also times when you love getting pics of your niece as well and then other times it's just a bit much and there isn't really an easy way to explain this to something with making the situation awkward and then your sister might not sharing anything which isn't what you want in the end we just have to roll with good and the bad times and know that we understand what your going through xxx

  • Wow, I could have written this post myself! I've had a huge fallout with my older sister because I felt that she was being thoughtless and inconsiderate. She text me that she pregnant with her second child. A TEXT! Shortly after we had a failed IVF round and then a miscarriage. I vocalised how upset it made me and she just blew up and hasn't spoken to me in about 3 months. You just can't understand people can you? Particularly family members. It's so disappointing that they don't get it. It's so sad that on top of what we have to deal with physically and emotionally, we have the additional comments, photos, texts, and general thoughtlessness to deal with too. I've come to the conclusion that unless they've walked in our shoes, they just don't understand. It'd be nice if they tried but you can't force people to feel compassion or empathy. That's why it's important to talk to us. WE GET IT. WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER. You're not alone. It's not a coincidence that many of us have experienced this same insensitivity. Folk just don't think. I'd recommend talking to her... but it depends on how approachable she is. I tried that approach and got screamed at but then that's cos my sister is volatile and has anger issues! Plus she is pregnant with raging hormones i guess. Not that I accepted that as an excuse. If, unlike me you have a normal sister (πŸ˜‚) , try talking to her maybe?. Explain how you feel? I eventually sent my sister an email explaining how she wasn't showing enough empathy. I got no reply!

    People just don't get it x

    Hugs x x

  • Oh hunny I'm sorry you fell out with your sister over it. That's why I am scared because I don't want anything extreme like that to happen!! She is approachable but very set in her ways. And she has a answer for everything!!! That's why I think I can vent on here as maybe sometimes I am not strong at confronting people. I will ride it out a bit as see how it goes, maybe I am just still feeling upset about our failure. I had a good cry last night x

  • Don't talk to me about sisters take a look at my post last week! I start IVF and my sister announces she's 6 weeks with some scumbags kid she met months ago!

    And then last night my mum thinks it's ok to call me up the one doing IVF to moan about my sister and her poor choices in men and the situation she's now in to me! Me who is having IVF like get a grip these are my family my mum should be ringing me to ask how I am not expect me to have sympathy for my sodding sister!

    So my dear rant away! You're in good company

  • Awww hunny I'm sorry to hear that! I hope it works out for your ivf. I do like expressing my emotions and feelings on here!! No one gets ivf! My mum tries to be helpful but sometimes I don't get the right advice from her or even my sister!! I can speak to my cousin who has been though ivf and my aunty but other than that no one understands. X

  • My sister is nearly 3 years younger than me and has been TTC for 3 years now. I've persuaded her to go to the GP and start the ball rolling with tests. I've been TTC for almost 3 years too, and keep thinking that one day my little sister will announce that she's pregnant. I don't want her to have any fertility issues and I hope she does fall pregnant soon and doesn't have to go through ivf - we are close and she is lovely - but I also really want to be the first to fall pregnant as I'm the eldest I guess and if she falls I'll be so happy for her but also so sad that it's still me that isn't pregnant. All my friends are on their second child now. It's just hard isn't it.... xxxx

  • It's is very hard, I have always been close to my sister but I guess she's just in her own bubble. She probably doesn't even know she is hurting me. I will see how the situation goes and then maybe speak to her. I hope your cycle works out and your sister gets some good news to xx

  • Oh dear, you definitely need to talk to her if you continue to feel like this, but maybe ride the wave for a little while as you may feel differently soon. I guess I was lucky because once my younger brothers first baby was here, I just loved her so much that I didn't feel jealous in the same way any more. I think it helps that my sil is happy for me to be quite a hands on aunty. I'm already looking forward to doing some of the school runs with her come September! It's nice to know I'll get to be part of that 'starting school' experience even though I might never get to do it with my own child. Now there are two little nieces in my life as they've had another and I love getting pictures of them, so even though I've had two failed Ivfs and a miscarriage this year, I wouldn't want to be off the family group missing the special moments in their lives.

    I just wanted to give a different perspective... I think it's a privilege to have the chance to be in a close relationship with a child in your family and maybe you should try to appreciate that rather than focusing on it as a reminder of what you don't have?

    Sorry for such a long post and good luck with this issue in future xx

  • Thank you hun. My neice was born last year just before we were staying out first treatment and I was beyond joyful and excited. I still am! I adore my neice, it's just my sister's bad judgement at times. She often speaks without thinking. If someone was going through fetility treatment I wouldn't necessarily talk about kids all day everyday. I am part of my neices life and have never showed her anything but love. I will see how it goes and if my sister contuines to make me feel upset then I will have a quite word. Thank you for sharing from a different point of view xx

  • I do think there are people out there who unfortunately do take a little perverse pleasure in relishing in their fertility and baby making skills! I have a boss who has been with me the entire 3 years I have been struggling with infertility and IVF. She is now pregnant and spends each and every conversation telling me the inner details of her morning sickness, twinges, scans and 'how incredibly happy she is'. I find myself being quite snappy and often walking away. On the other hand my best friend who is nearly due to giver birth has been amazing. Ensuring she asks about me and my treatment before she even mentions the baby. I have felt a little guilty about how lovely she has been.

  • Oh Hun it's true that some people can be so kind and others can be so heartless!! I have an aunt and cousin who have been amazing and don't pressure in me talking. But my sister can be a little sly in getting information out of me. I really want it be my time :(

  • I think it's totally natural hun I have been through this and it's horrible! It seems like everything or everyone is pregnant atm cause we have failed ivf I feel for u and what u r going through...chin up chick I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose but maybe she needs to consider ur feelings abit more considering what u been through..maybe have a little chat with her and see what she says..i can't go near babies or look at anyone pregnant a min I cry am I the time so I Think it's very natural what ur saying and hopefully things will get easier xx

  • Such a sad and difficult thing to deal with for everyone involved. From the perspective of a mum with 4 grown kids, 2 boys who have 7 children between them and 2 girls who are both having fertility issues I can see both sides.

    On the one hand it's unfair that those in the family with babies should feel bad for taking pride in their little ones, but of course to those who haven't yet been able to achieve their goal then it's unfair to have constant reminders of this fact.

    As a mum I think I would gently explain to those with children how upsetting it is and ask them to tone it down, but maybe if you shared your pain and grief with them more when things don't turn out the way you hoped they would understand better? I've read several threads where people have said they don't tell anyone, not even family, when they go through ivf but maybe telling those closest to you, in full and frank detail, how soul destroying this journey can be would make them realise just how hard it is for you. Heck copy and paste some of your threads on here and let them read your pain in full! No one reading these messages can fail to understand how much pain you go through, it's brought me to tears on a regular basis.

    I suppose everyone's coping mechanism is different, mine has always been to be brutally honest, usually it works but sometimes not.

    I have to say too that imo social apps cause way too many problems nowadays!!

    Thinking of you xx

  • Thank you for taking time out and replying back. I guess I never really looked at it from another point of view because I'm so stuck in my own little bubble of grief. I totally understand what you are saying, I am spending this weekend with my family and my sister will be there to. I don't want to argue with her but I just think she dosent get it. She knew when we were going through our first ivf and I didn't get anything positive from her thats why we decided not to tell anyone this time around. I hope things would out for your daughter and happy to answer any questions she may have. Your a lovely mother xxx

  • Totally understand ur family. I don't understand just one thing . I always thought family would always understand and support in situations like this but it seems it's d other way round. For them as if this is seems to be a competition of fertility. Who's got kids, who's got more kids, who's got cute kids etc etc.

    I do understand that u r preety raw fro yr failed cycle. But I know I've been so so supportive to my family during their hard times and when I needed it d most it seems my sister is simply not into my problems. And that I should keep my problems to my self.

    Anyways I guess that's life . But yes if u feel it's becoming too much then U can click on this particular group on whatsapp and put it on mute. All that'll do is even though there are constant messages coming in u won't be alerted. But u'll still be able see all see messages whenever u want to . And whenever u feel better u can just unmute it and then again It'll start getting alerts. Hope it helps xxx

  • Awww I feel the same but mines younger! My nephew is all she talks about! She's got a crap husband and has been saying for years she's going to leave him, but never does, so her way of filling that void is to constantly talk about my nephew. She knows I've got my 3rd round coming up and she's constantly falling out with me about anything and everything and refuses to meet with me unless I start paying my nephew more attention! So we've fallen out big time at the mo over it. She doesn't work and plays tennis 5 times a week, but I'm working full time and she's fallen out with me because at the min I'm emotionally drained and knackered with all this ivf lark and want to rest at night, but she expects me to do a 30milr round trip to see her and refuses to meet me half way so as much as it really hurts me I've decided I need to cut her out for a while to concentrate on me, but when ever we fall out she will then always post a pic on fb of my nephew saying he's her world, and I'm sure she does this to twist the knife even more 😒 Families hey! xx

  • Oh dear baby2016. Feel for u .

    Don't anymore what hurts more ivf failures or wounds given by near ones.

    U hang in there

  • Oh Hun you have had it bad :( I think you should take time away from her, you don't need extra stress when your going through ivf, the appointments and the needles are enough!!! Just you carry on doing what you think is best, we have to focus on our own lives xx

  • I know she's family but it that's not a free pass to be such a nasty cow, she sounds like a bully and sounds like she's very spiteful and someone you ought to consider telling her enough is enough, treat you right or sling her hook!! You'd be better off without her in your life.

    my sister talked to me like shit ( past tense cause she won't do it now if she knows what's good for her) she can be you best mate one second and vile to you the next! Needless to say I've ripped her head off a few times and she and I keep her very much at an arms length!

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