Struggling emotionally

[ShellyC]

Hello everyone. I haven't posted for a while but I am starting to really struggle again emotionally and any support would be much appreciated. After OHSS in January, I had my first frozen transfer in March which was unsuccessful. We opted to go for a natural cycle this time around, and I was due for my second frozen transfer a couple of weeks ago but the clinic couldn't do it because the date fell on a weekend and there weren't enough staff. I knew this was a possibility, but obviously was really disappointed. I won't be able to try this month as we are away on holiday (I know that I shouldn't be upset about that - but it is hard to feel excited about the holiday with this hanging over it!). So it will be August by the time we get to try again. I am scared that it might fall on another weekend and be even later, but want to try a natural cycle. I know I just need to be patient but I am really struggling to cope with my emotions at the moment. I am starting to get scared that this will never happen for us. My husband is wonderful, but I worry that I am getting him down; I manage to put a brave face on and distract myself when we are doing things with other people, but when it is just the two of us and normal day to day life it feels like a constant reminder of the fact we are still childless. I am so scared of driving him away. It is my birthday next week and our 3rd anniversary in a couple of weeks and I just feel that they are further milestones that highlight our infertility. Does anyone have any suggestions about what has helped them to feel better through these horrible low times? Thanks.

[London7]

I'm not surprised you are feeling low - that is a lot of disappointment to shoulder. Although there is still a lot of hope too!

Don't beat yourself up for the way you feel - I'm not surprised you are finding things tough. And as for your husband - you guys are in this together, to support each other through the good and bad. But i find taking to mine and explaining just what I'm feeling and why helps him to understand it and cope with the low patches better. I have found waiting until a time in the day when we aren't both particularly stressed and have time to talk and sitting down for an honest talk really helps. You might also find he is feeling similar things.

Oh - and exercise really helps. Even if you aren't a gym fan, just forcing yourself outside for a walk, listening to some music through your headphones - I find it really helps to lift my mood.

I'm sorry you are feeling low - I've been there myself and it is awful. Sending virtual hugs. Xx

[michael_wangari in reply to London7]

Take heart

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi ShellyC. Well I must say I agree with what "London7" has to say. You've had disappointment and a knock back, but August is not too far away, and hopefully after celebrating a birthday, anniversary AND having a holiday, you will feel all geared up to receive you little frostie(s). I think that if the same "timing" happens at the weekend again, they will manipulate your cycle to suit Monday to Friday 9-5! Clinics do this often, so fingers crossed you won't need that help, and everything crossed for success next time. Enjoy your time with your fabulous husband - he's going nowhere! Diane

[Newqgirl1]

Lots of love. Sorry to hear about your experiences, the advice here is great.

I'd love to say that when I'm down I talk to my hubby but I don't I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, go into total auto pilot and then talk about how I was feeling when I'm a bit better! I know I shouldn't and It's not helpful but you need to know that everyone deals with things differently and what your doing is right for you. It's ok to be sad, stressed, resentful and all the other negative emotions that go with all this. Do whatever you need to to allow yourself permission to feel like this, it is ok.

Learn from your past experiences, recognise how you behave and what you can do to calm yourself. You are unique and what helps others may not be right for you!

Sometimes I find reading about others and how they deal with things makes me feel worse. When I'm down it starts a cycle of... I should be doing yoga/acupuncture/running/dietary alterations/hiking/swimming/talking/ cycling / Relflexology (delete as appropriate!) I am lazy and I deserve this failure!

Good luck on your journey remember you are in this together and do what you guys need to do to get through it ❤️