Slight setback, feeling sorry for myself 😞

My last remaining friend in my circle (other than me of course!) is looking like she's pregnant. She deserves it and she's lovely. I truly mean that. She's been ttc for a while (over a year) and doing her temps and opks and taking her supplements. I've been there for her every step of the way with advice on charting and ovulation, timing etc etc. She had an ectopic second half of last year. She has recently been diagnosed endo stage three and had a laparoscopy. She'd just started the ivf ball rolling. She's 38. Clearly the lap has been successful though because yesterday and today she's getting "pregnant" on tests. Other than her husband I'm the one she confides in because I've been giving her advice since day one when she started ttc. Now of course I'm happy for her, I think the world of her, but at the same time I am feeling even more sorry for myself. What if I am the last one? What if I'm the only one who never has a baby? The odd one out? Maybe I'll never get to join this exclusive club. Infertility makes you feel excluded from society sometimes but it's the worst thing to feel excluded from your friends too. It wasn't long ago when she was congratulating me and I was telling her how wonderful it would be if she was pregnant too so we could share it together. Now she may be and I may never be again 😞

Last edited by

42 Replies

oldest β€’ newest
  • I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. This happened to me and I didn't take it very well at all. I don't have any words of wisdom for you but I'm thinking of you xxx

  • Thank you xx

  • I'm the last one in my group and I have to try not to dwell on it. It gets easier as their kids get older... less baby talk and fewer play dates that you have to endure or miss.

    I too got pregnant after a lap but I miscarried, so she's not out of the danger zone yet (as you know), and she will still be full of apprehension. She still needs your support and you are strong enough to be there for her. You've shown how amazingly strong you are over the last few dreadful months. You can do it.

    I always remind myself that there are children in my future... I'm just not sure how they're going to get to us yet. It might be that we will have to adopt. But they are going to be with us one day. It helps me.

    Sending you a big hug, I do know how you feel and it's so hard. Xxx

  • She will always get my support xx

  • πŸ’œ

  • Its a cr*p situation to be in, to be the last one.....that's me! Im very lucky and my friends are supportive but they still dont get it, not really. I gradually told them all as I was starting to look like a weird when planning 3 of our 40th around the same time and I was struggling to commit....they all want to go to Amsterdam in October. I do still feel like the odd one out as they all do "mummy" meet ups and playgroup nights out etc and Im not included. I cant really offer any advice but you're defintely not alone out there! Hopefully we get to be in the gang one day!xx

  • Thank goodness for this "gang" xx

  • Oh I understand how you feel Hun, I only have one friend left that also isn't a mother and she's going through DE IVF soon so that could quickly change. She'll know exactly how you feel because she probably felt the same when you told her your news, you can probably be very honest with her if you feel able and this might help.

    Having endo I know it can make you feel very angry with your body not to mention all the symptoms we have to deal with, you also worry that the endo won't let the baby stick around so she probably isn't feeling 'out of the woods' yet and will be scared. I hope you can chat about it, not let it affect your relationship then soon you'll be bringing up little playmates together. Big hugs xxx

  • I wouldn't let it come between us. Just feeling sad and sorry for myself xx

  • That's totally understandable, we all are entitled to feel that way sometimes, it's really tough xx

  • I know how you feel, I am the only one in my friendship circle without a child. They all conceived quite easily and they do try to understand but until you have been here I personally don't think you can understand. Xxx

  • Yup, totally get this Tugs. I have two friends with no children - one by choice, one by circumstance - but otherwise, we are the only ones. We have not shared our struggles with any of them and thankfully, most have stopped having kids now.

    I really do know what you mean...I am godmother to three kids from different families...always the godmother never the mom!!!??? It really does feel that way sometimes 😟

    Who knows what is around the corner for any of us? You haven't given in yet and where there's hope, there's life (as my lovely nana used to say!). So keep moving forward in the direction of your dreams. I know this is hard but hopefully the outcome will be beyond happiness xx

  • Oh Sweets! It's horrible feeling like that but totally understand. It's awful being the last one. I am as well and what makes it worse is that we were the first to get married. Remember you belong to our group though too and you are definitely not alone. I'm sure your friend will be more thoughtful given her struggles. I have a friend at work who went through it and she is amazing. She doesn't pry but she will always answer any questions I have and she never ever moans about the difficulties of motherhood. She is so genuinely grateful for her son that it gives me a really positive focus. Sending you a big hug. xxx

  • If it wasn't for this group I don't know what I'd do. My friend has asked me if I'm ok with her news. I was honest with her and said that I'm happy for her but sad for me. I told her not to feel that she can't share things with me, because that would somehow be worse. However she's now included me in the group chat and I have messages flooding in congratulating her. This is obviously what I expect but two of my so called friends haven't even congratulated me on my recent engagement so I was already feeling let down by them! I just want to hide away from them all if I'm honest xx

  • Ah sorry you're feeling like this, when my friend fell pregnant after being on chlomid and suffering with PCOS I was over the moon for her, and when I fell pregnant we'd decided to do antenatal classes together, and when we lost our baby I have since found it too hard to see her, not because I feel any animosity to her, but my heart aches too much at the moment. It's a completely normal and natural way to feel lovely, it just really sucks xxxxxx

  • Thank you for "getting it" all the women on here will. I've kept shtum on the group messenger because I'm disappointed in two of my friends who haven't said a word about my engagement but they'll probably think it's because I'm bitter or something. I'm not. I'm just sad I'm not pregnant anymore. I'm just sad they couldn't congratulate me when I finally had some good news for a change. Maybe I shouldn't care what those two think anyway! My friend that's just announced her pregnancy knows I'm there for her. Hopefully that's all that counts, even if it is hurting me xx

  • Sounds like those other two don't deserve a wedding invite!!!!!!!

    In all seriousness, how weird. Do they definitely know? One of my friends got engaged when I was abroad and I never got the text... I felt so bad when I found out weeks later and it was too late to get a card or anything.

  • I put it all over Facebook so there's no way they haven't seen 😞 They went out on Saturday night in my neck of the woods and didn't think to ask me. I was back from my holiday so they could have.. The friend who announced she's pregnant this morning has made excuses for them that I'm not buying, but she's like that, tries to see the best in everyone. That's why I love her. No one will get an invite anyway if we get to do it the way we want; we want to elope to Gretna Green xx

  • Love the idea of gretna green!

  • Oh Tugsgirl dont be so hard on yourself i used to feel exactly the same. Unfortunately i lost all my friends as i couldn't bring myself to be around them while they was pregnant. My hubby is the last one of 9 to be a father its heartbreaking. You will get there hun one day u just have to keep fighting! Big hugs xx

  • I still think of you and all it's taken you to get this far xx

  • Thanks hun means alot. Dont give up hope hun its all we have! X

  • Big hugs honey. xx

  • Aawww tugs gurls i feel ur pain. Am in a similar situation myself and can't bare it at all . I know I sound bad admitting it . πŸ˜”πŸ˜”

  • The mix of joy for the friend & sadness/disappointment/anger for it not being you is a horrible feeling it sounds like you are good friends and have talked about it.

    Infertility just isn't fair. It shouldn't be this hard.

    Congratulations on your engagement!

  • Thank you x

  • Aww this is tough esp when you have had such a difficult time recently. You just have to believe your time will come xx

  • So there's five of us "girls" (we're all 37/38) from school; the girl with the pregnancy news, my bestie and the other two. I'm feeling let down by three of them now. Because I didn't comment on the group chat (mostly because I'm so annoyed at the two who've not congratulated my engagement so I thought it was best I said nothing) anyway because I didn't give my congratulations in this group message my bestie starts messaging me this afternoon, taking me to task over not being happy for our friend and questioning me over why I haven't said congratulations! I mean wth??? I told her I'm not jealous, I'm happy for her but sad for me! That as I already knew before the group did, I'd already given our friend congratulations and support as I have supported her from day one ttc! One of the reasons I said nothing in the group message is because I'm so annoyed with the other two. I just can't be bothered with them at the moment. And my bestie, judging me. She should know me better. And even if she was right and it had been too painful for me to pipe in, or even if I had been jealous, she would never understand that. She has a child, she didn't struggle to conceive him, she fell pregnant the first time. She hasn't had two rounds of ivf and she hasn't had a miscarriage! Sorry but I needed a safe place to rant xx

  • And to top it all off I just feel like such a reject! I'm a reject because I can't have a baby. Because my body isn't working properly. I'm a reject because I don't fit in with my group of friends anymore. It makes me feel like I want to hide away from everyone and everything 😞 xx

  • You're not a reject, try not to be so hard on yourself, I know it's easier said than done. it sounds like you have a good relationship with your friend who is pregnant, she knows you congratulated her and you've had your chats about it because of your support with her struggles. Balls to the others, they'll never understand and aren't being very supportive of you, hopefully they'll realise how insensitive they've been and will apologise but if not then it may be better to not lose any more time on them as sad as it is, friendship works both ways and I'm sure you've supported them through tough times so they should be there for you now xx

  • You are so right. I have nothing to say to them at the moment xx

  • I had a complete melt down on Sunday over a dropped baked potato - I decided at that point that I was absolutely useless, can't make lunch properly, can't hold onto a baby- what use am I? What really set that off was the night before my sister in law told me she was pregnant. She wanted to give me advance notice of it so I could deal with it but she also wanted to tell me face to face forcing me to deal with it in front of her!! She got rather upset about the way I dealt with it. Haven't seen her since but I will be spending all weekend now with my in-laws so presumably the big announcement will be made then. My DH keeps telling me that one day we will make the announcement but it is so hard. Nobody really understands - they say they do but they haven't got a clue! Keep loving yourself - your time will come x

  • And yours too I hope 🀞 x

  • Aw tugs, I feel the same at the min. All my friends now have babies and my SIL announced her pregnancy on FB last night after her 12wk scan. I'm off this week and met my friend for lunch today...with her 6month old gorgeous girl, then sat I'm meeting my 25wk pregnant friend. There all really good about my situation, but it doesn't stop me feeling like I'm missing out on this new amazing world that I'm so scared I'll never get to experience or enjoy, other than the slivers of it I have experienced. I'm scared I'll be that one person that everyone knows that just can't have children no matter what they do and it's such a crap feeling isn't it.

    I try to keep thinking, stay positive there's still many roads to go down, and as much as that gets me by it sure doesn't stop the impatient feeling of wanting it right now, or wanting that magic crystal ball to see what my future holds.

    So I'm with you on this! It's crap. But hopefully we'll all get there eventually and all have our happy ever after families xx

  • It's so hard isn't it. I'm afraid I don't have much advice as I'm really bad at coping with friends pregnancy news and mainly deal with it through avoidance. I've got one good friend though who, I sent the following article to (after a text about how lovely her baby's christening had been).

    fertilitynetworkuk.org/wp-c...

    I didn't send it lightly as I thought it might break the friendship but I'd got to the point where I thought, if she doesn't show some empathy soon, there will be no friendship! A week later she called and we had the most heartfelt conversation we'd had in the last year. I cried, she understood and I felt such a sense of relief. I'm not saying everything was cured but at least I feel now like our friendship can continue. Good luck to everyone who has posted and finding it hard, it's a horrible time xxx

  • I don't have this issue with this particular friend, she's very sensitive as she's been struggling to conceive herself for over a year. But I'm still dealing with the other friends being insensitive. Thank you for the link, not just for me but for all of us xx

  • I'm with you girl! I am the last of my school friends/ friends in general... don't be disheartened Tugsgirl, you will be next. Hope, faith and positivity to you in everything and each day πŸ’ͺπŸ½πŸŒˆπŸ’—πŸ™πŸΌβœ¨βœ¨βœ¨βœ¨βœ¨βœ¨βœ¨βœ¨βœ¨βœ¨

  • It s so so tough and I too have had some thoughts that I am ashamed off about friends however I do think this whole process fucks with your head and try not to beat yourself up about how you feel. All of us on here can relate..sending big hugs xxx

  • I'm the last one in my group too 😒 and my bf just told me shes about to try ivf again for a second. Ive had horrible selfish thoughts about how she already has one and not to be greedy. Somewhere inside me I'm happy for her im sure but right now i just feel angry and sad its not me.

    2 and a hslf years ttc and surrounded by pregnant friends lifes not fair one bit. I'm so lucky there's somewhere like here to vent. But then i just hate that there's soo many of us that are struggling just as much as each other. I just want us all to be happy we have so much love to give.

  • If only we had a magic wand! x

  • If only xx

  • Your turn is coming β€πŸ€žπŸ™πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

You may also like...