having a hard time

hi everyone

firstly i hope everyone is doing well in what ever stage of this fertility journey you may be on and

i wish everyone lots of luck.

i just wanted to write an update on how i'm getting on and and whats happening so far.

For those of you who haven't read my previous post, i have been trying to conceive for the past 8 years and became pregnant to twins on my third round of ivf.

To start off with i am having a horrific pregnancy.....by this i mean i am having all day and night sickness..constant non

stop nausea...a condition where the mouth keeps producing access saliva (where im walking around with a towel in my mouth the whole day)...cant stand smells of any kind...cant eat or drink without wanting to throw up.. in short it is not great.

Week 10 of my pregnancy i started bleeding and at that point in time was guessing this was the end of the road for me

however a trip to the a&e the next day showed that all was well and was told to go on a 48 hour bed rest.

Today was my 12 week scan which literally took 2 hours. So far all is well apparently and everything is as it should be

however im still not feeling very maternal yet.

i am finding that women around me are expecting me to go through this pregnancy without making a single statement of

complaint.. i mean surely i should be praying at the fact that i have become not only pregnant but have two babies on the way. Well if there is anyone that has the right to complain its probably us women who have had years of ivf

drugs... emotional and mental torchure about what was to be. i am not going to let some woman who had become pregnant on her second month of trying tell someone like me who has had 8 years of hell that i should be grateful.

I was hoping and praying that after everything i endured over these past years that at least my pregnancy would be

good and enjoyable but like everything else thats happened this is not going good as well. im not feeling sorry for myself i just wanted to have a positive pregnancy and look forward to the later stages as well but it dosen't seem like its going to happen that way for me.

Anyway i appologise for going on its just been a difficult few months... thanks for reading and im going to try my

best to keep updating.

thank you

5 Replies

  • Hi :) congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sorry that it's been such a difficult time for you. I know a girl that felt very similar to you after falling pregnant following several years of trying. She was also very ill for about 16 weeks and found it very difficult to feel maternal until several months into the pregnancy and still even then continued to find it difficult. We felt it was because of how huge it was to finally be pregnant and part of you doesn't want to believe it's real / thinks something is going to happen so you instinctively protect yourself by not getting too attached. I can tell you that this friend's baby has now arrived and the bond was instant at birth, but it really wasn't 100% real for her until this moment, when baby arrived. The bond will come, take care of yourself, trust your instincts and allow yourself not to feel guilty about bring fed up with all the side effects of pregnancy, after all it's all part & parcel of the journey xx

  • I think you're probably anxious now your dream is finally becoming a reality. I think it makes total sense that you feel this way. I suspect you are trying to protect yourself which is so understandable after waiting such a long time. Add in the hormones that are raging in the first trimester of pregnancy and no wonder you're feeling out of sorts. To be honest, it may seem ironic that ladies who haven't been pregnant can probably empathise with you more but actually it makes sense because they know how important this time is for you. You are grateful but actually you feel really crappy and can't be expected to deny/not acknowledge this. Don't let someone else who hasn't been through the ups and downs of IVF judge you. I wouldn't think any less of you for saying that pregnancy wasn't making you feel like little Miss Sunshine all of the time and anyone who does, doesn't have an opinion worth caring about. Trudge on through your pregnancy in the knowledge that you have earned both the right to be pregnant and to moan a bit about it. x

  • Hi Aysel, I don't have any words of advice hon, just wanted to say I understand how difficult it must be to manage these feelings as well as the horrible pregnancy symptoms. Wishing you well and hoping things settle for you soon. I expect most of us 'IVF mums' will feel similar at one stage or another; don't be too hard on yourself xx

  • Wow congratulations on your twin pregnancy, sorry that it's been a rough journey still,

    I've been ttc for over 10 years and I'm just about to start my 2nd cycle of ivf well July I will be,

    Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and I hope that your soon be able to enjoy it like you should, take care wishing you lots of luck


  • Your symptoms will lesson I felt terrible the same up to about 14/16weeks couldn't eat much sick in a bag whilst driving etc but I'm now 23 weeks and i feel brilliant bump is growing and kicking and our family is just so excited for us after our long wait to conceive this baby. Everyone's life journey is different so don't bother comparing it's a waste of time and doesn't change anything. Two babies congratulations x

You may also like...