Struggling for three years... - Fertility Network UK

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Struggling for three years...

KirstyC90 profile image
13 Replies

Hello everyone,

I am new here, so I don't really know where to start. My husband and I have been trying for nearly three years to get pregnant with only one known success that sadly ended in miscarriage. We have both had tests at a clinic and we are both fine so the cause is unknown. Our only option now really is IVF- I have to loose over two stone for this which is totally worth it but I am scared at the thought of IVF and if there is pain to it. The only thing that I can say might be causing us to not conceive is sometimes my cycles change unexpectedly. So, for three months they'll all be the same length, then on the fourth month my period will be late (which gets my hopes up!) but then my period comes and the whole cycle seems to reset! Can anyone shed any light, or support us in any way? Thanks!

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KirstyC90 profile image
KirstyC90
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13 Replies
Leesalou profile image
Leesalou

Hi and welcome, your defiantly in the right place everyone on here is amazing friendly and helpful. And we're all pretty much in or was the same boat,

I'm currently waiting to start my 2nd cycle of ivf hopefully be July,

For me Ivf is a long journey, stressful also heartbreaking if unsuccessful that's the only pain I can say I had. I wish you well on your journey and I hope you enjoy the group as much as I do :-) xx wishing you lots of luck 🍀✨🍀

KirstyC90 profile image
KirstyC90 in reply to Leesalou

Hiya,

Thank you for replying so quickly. I think IVF is going to have to be the route for us too. I am working very hard on my weight so hopefully it won't be long until we can get on the official list for it. My clinic is really great but I joined here because it's becoming a bit upsetting for us both now, it used to be more visible for both of us but we try hard to hide it now. We have tried Clearblue ovulation kits, and many more things that have lots of promise but I think as I said before that IVF could be the main hope for us. Did you say that it's not painful? I had a hycosy last summer to check if my fallopian tubes were blocked and I really clammed up after that so the sound of the egg retrieval part scares the life out of me! X

Leesalou profile image
Leesalou in reply to KirstyC90

I've had the hycosy didn't like that it hurt and hurt after with major cramps,

Ivf is my only option now as I've only one tube and that is now clipped due to hydrosalpinx.

I've been loads better since knowing that's my only way. Say I used to have breaks downs at the sight of my period before then, I've been trying for a long time, had unsuccessful in 2011 which was privately paid and could of failed become undiagnosed hydrosalpinx, i gave up for 6 years and I'm hear again as I didn't want to give up my dream of becoming a mum,

It's a very upsetting journey when all your friends/ family all have children expecting etc and being falling so easily, but we're all here for same thing there's some lovely miracle story's on here too,

Ivf pain I guess they say no pain no gain lol, but I genuinely didn't fine it painful apart from the heartache of first being unsuccessful, injections did pinch/sting but it's only for seconds but everyone is different, I've read that some put ice on before they inject,

Say you may not have inections you may have a different method of ivf, I'd highly recommend you ever maybe try for 6 months naturally whilst losing the weight you wanted they say sex is good for burning calories 😂 and if still nothing carry on with going forward for Ivf, or do both as if your NHS funded it may takes some time, mines taken a year and half to get to where I am xx

KirstyC90 profile image
KirstyC90 in reply to Leesalou

I'm so sorry to hear about the upset you have had trying 😞 It's hard because we really want it and like you say others around us seem to fall so easily! Thanks for replying to me it's been hard to find someone who feels the same as me! The hycosy really did hurt! Luckily I was off work! Like you say I'll just keep working hard to loose the weight! I've been having acupuncture too which works wonders on my stress levels! X

Leesalou profile image
Leesalou in reply to KirstyC90

I drove my self there and went to work after pretending I wasn't in pain I couldn't wait to get home have a bath and snuggle on the sofa. Wish I'd booked it off I just assumed it be like a smear test but wow was I wrong lol.

I took yo after my first failed attempt tattoos lol they took away lots of my stress and relaxed me, why I'm covered in them lol,

Lots of people I've heard have acupuncture and also reflexology is meant to be good,

Make sure your taking your folic. Acid tablets try and have fun trying and don't let it over take your life try and stay positive, feel free to follow me ( on here not in person 😂)

And message me if you have any questions I'll try and answer xx

_MrsC profile image
_MrsC

Hi and welcome. Sorry to hear you've been struggling. You're in good company here as we all can relate. In terms of pain, the physical discomfort is minor in comparison with the emotional pain and mental strain I feel. It's the sleepless nights and the hoping beyond hope that is ultimately more painful. Having said that, it's an amazing process and one I am grateful for because it gives me a chance of achieving my lifelong dream. I'm also having acupuncture so am hoping for this next cycle, it will help with my anxiety. I only started after my failed cycle. In terms of losing weight, I have had a lot of success with a detox programme called Whole 30. It's a bit hardcore but it works and it's great as it helps with sleep, mood, skin and all sorts of other things too. It isn't a diet so you're not restricted on calories which I like. I wish you a relaxed and successful ivf journey. Vic x

KirstyC90 profile image
KirstyC90 in reply to _MrsC

Hi Vic,

Thank you for replying! I know the pain of hoping is hard to bare! I had a dream I got a positive test last night to wake up and realise it wasn't real 😞 I know I hope that we will be able to cope with IVF if we go ahead with it! Thank you for the tip with loosing weight! I'm a healthy person despite being overweight I don't always eat hideously I just need to cut out stress and up the exercise! Acupuncture is amazing for me! I'm glad you're having it! I get a lot of anxiety too but it mainly shows itself in my sleep in forms of breathlessness and horrible dreams! Weird! I wish you all the best of luck! Kirsty x

Hi there, the only advice I can offer you is weight loss related. Over the last 18 months I've lost 6 stone using Josie Gibson's plan, slimmables. It's really easy to follow and all online so no weekly meetings like weight watchers etc. My cycles used to be all over the place but losing weight has really helped. I really recommend having a look. The website is slimmables.com

Good luck xx

Isa84 profile image
Isa84

Hi, welcome to the site. My husband and I have been TTC for 4 years now and like you have no known issues with either of us. I have found this place very helpful, comforting and inspiring so I hope it will do the same for you. Everyone is extremely kind and helpful and you feel like you can ask any question and someone will get understand completely what you mean. Our stories sound fairly similar. We have had one natural pregnancy which ended in miscarriage and I have irregular periods but sometimes they are regular for months. We have had 3 rounds of IVF (one fresh cycle and 2 frozen, which all failed) and are just starting round number 4 which will be a fresh cycle at a new clinic. I'm hopeful as ever but taking it one step at a time. I would offer the same advice to you with your journey with IVF, take it one step at a time and take support from those around you who love you. It is a difficult journey but you can get through it. I wish you all the very best with your IVF.

xx

KirstyC90 profile image
KirstyC90 in reply to Isa84

Hiya,

Our stories do sound similar! This is the fourth month cycle now and my period should have been the Monday just gone which would have made them sort of 'regular' but once again it has changed. It's hard because the month that it changes I get my hopes up and this month I didn't even experience the PMS symptoms I usually do! I think it's a little bit of denial for me too because each time I speak to my mum or family about it, they say they've never had problems and don't think I'm being patient enough! But I think three years is long enough! While loosing weight to go for IVF, we are considering buying a Clearblue advanced ovulation monitor to see if that helps us. It advertises promise but no idea if it could help us. I feel really sorry for my husband in all this too- he's such a lovely person and he would make a great dad. He gets emotional if we start to talk about it :( xx

Isa84 profile image
Isa84 in reply to KirstyC90

I understand completely how you feel and I agree that after 3 years your patience wears thin. It's heartbreaking and an emotional rollercoaster. I would be the same with periods, I even had 1 full year of regular cycles between 28 and 33 days and then they went awol again back to anything between 28 and 50 days. I have the clear blue digital monitor and yes it tells u when u are at high and peak fertility ( which is useful if you don't know when you ovulate ) but I usually can tell by body changes when I ovulate so unfortunately it wasn't very useful for us. It's another expense and the test sticks cost about £20 per month. Its hard to have irregular cycles especially when you are trying for a baby because every time you have a long cycle you think you might be pregnant. You aren't alone there. I wish you all the best for your preparations for your IVF. Keep positive and stay strong but remember it's ok to have bad days! We all do! It's hard for the men too, breaks my heart to see my husband with my nephews because he is amazing and I know he would be an amazing Dad. I know we'll get there someday and so will you! xxx

KirstyC90 profile image
KirstyC90 in reply to Isa84

Thank you, it has just made my day reading that reply! Nearly brought me to tears! It's nice to be able to have support from someone who knows exactly how it feels and how frustrating it is! I wish you all the best of luck too! One day we will have our little ones and be able to support others who are trying xx

emu2016 profile image
emu2016

Welcome! This place will be such a place of support for you! I think the mental and emotional drain is worse pain than the physical... but it comes with the territory I guess.

Back in the day when the hospital assumed my infertility issues were down to pre-cancerous cells and my weight... I lost 4 stone in 6 months on slimming world. It's an amazing diet. I never ever felt I was dieting!

Good luck! xx

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