Struggling

Morning all,

I am really at a very low point and thought maybe people can suggest ways to just cope!

We have been trying for a baby nearly 4 years and I am nearly 37. We have unexplained infertility and one failed round of IVF/ICSI behind us.

I cant begin to explain how many people are pregnant, had babies in the last two years. For someone who cant get pregnant I seem to be a natural magnet to fertility for others.

I found out this morning that my cousin is pregnant after being married less than a year. Family didn't tell me as didn't know how to. This has made me so angry as they didn't really think of me, just how difficult it would be for them to tell me.

My husband doesn't understand. His reaction is to get angry at me as he doesn't know what to do and friends say they want to support but never want to meet without children.

Feel loss and hopeless. We want to go for another round next month but I'm overweight by 5 lbs for the NHS run. Sitting at my desk upset just thinking how i'm going to get through the day.

Any advice I would appreciate it!!!

C x

12 Replies

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  • Hiya, dealing with everyone around us having children is always hard. I am sure every single one of the other ladies on here knows how you feel. Im sure your husband isnt angry at you- just the situation, my husband has similar reaction-hates me to be upset and gets angry. I think for a man they just feel helpless so it's there way of dealing with it. Unfortunately unless youve been through it people just dont get it.. i glaze over when friends go into the routine 'you just need to relax and it'll happen' routine chat. No matter how many times you try to tell people they will still say things like this as they dont know what else to say. It doesn't mean they dont care or are not sad for you. Everyone on this forum is always here for you if you need to rant.. take care xxx

  • I think that what I really needed today is people that understand. Feel like im going mad and around people care but don't get it, some think tough love will work. They think that time will heal. In most cases it does but 4 years down the line it only feels worse.

    Thank you so much for your reply. Sometime you just need someone to "get it"

    x

  • We also have unexplained and have been trying 4 years in June, so definitely get how you feel xx

  • Oh I feel for you! I really do! I know how you feel. My husband and I also have unexplained infertility and our round of ICSI also failed. I'm actually finding it easier to be around people who don't have children right now. I have found this forum a massive support and I am actually going to try to go to a support group here in London. Is there a support group where you live?

    I would also remember to treat yourself too. Do things you really enjoy to reward yourself for having to go through the trial of infertility and don't forget that you have been so brave and courageous to come this far.

    Other people might not understand, but you are not alone! Everyone here knows how you feel! If you ever fancy a chat, just message me 😘😊❤

  • Thank you so much.

    I get a bit worried about support groups. i did tap into comments on another big forum but naturally as people go for treatment many go pregnant and again i left left behind. i do agree people without children or the ones not obsessed with children much better for me. Maybe meeting people in person would be better - i should look into it. i live in Surrey and work in greater London so should be something.

    Just having a really bad day. Haven't had one in a while, you just want this nightmare to be over - either a baby or the hurt to go away!

    Thank you again x

  • Be kind to yourself and spoil yourself today. Some days can be crap. I'm sending you lots of good vibes!

  • Hi! I didn't want to read and run because I also know how you feel.

    I'm 34 and have unexplained infertility. We've been trying for just over 2 years now and are due to start our first round of IUI in a couple of weeks.

    I have really bad days too and the disappointment each month is overwhelming. One thing we have talked about is our Plan B - our life without children. As much as I don't want to think about it I have to say it's made me feel slightly better to know that we have a different plan should this one not work out. For us we have decided to rent out our house and go travelling because that is something we CAN control, unlike our fertility. When we are back and settled I think I would like to become a foster parent.

    It's heartbreaking to think that I may not be a mum as I feel like I was born to do it, but I'm trying to not let it define who I am.

    Your friends, family and husband all mean well, but it's difficult for anyone to understand what you're going through unless they've been there. It's not their fault - it never occurred to me that I would understand the anguish of infertility and if it had all worked out easily for us we would be them. Your husband, like my SO, will also have his own feelings of failure and worthlessness, and it will be difficult for him seeing you upset and not being able to 'fix' the issue.

    It is a really emotionally draining journey and I've only been through it for half the time you have, but know that you're not alone. I get comforted by forums like this and reassured that I'm not a bad person for feeling the way that I do.

    Do you have any plans to do another cycle of treatment? X

  • Oh cerisanne I can totally sympathathise with you and totally understand, as I know so many of us do. Coping with others baby news is so so tough, I'm dealing with that at the moment too.

    I've had many a day where I feel low & helpless and that no one understands (and more to come no doubt 😕) but please know that us on here totally understand and are here for you. I'm learning to just try and get through that particular day (maybe have an early night to try and end it sooner!) and have hope that the next day looks different, I really hope it does for you. Big hugs xxx

  • So many of us will relate to your post on a personal level, me included. Hang in there. You're tougher than you think x

  • So many of us understand how you are feeling, you are not alone....I met a new manager I will work with last week and she was sharing a bit about herself and said that she took a couple of years off work as she fell pregnant twice very quickly and it messed up her career plans... She then asked me directly if I had any children, I smiled and said no but was screaming and crying inside. It was a very sensitive time as I was recovering from a MMC...life can feel very cruel at times but my coping strategy is to allow yourself to feel theses emotions and then look forward - it's tough I know but stay strong x

  • Yup I know how that pregnancy magnet works for everyone around me! It is so tough while you are happy for them you are also envious. It's totally natural and can feel very frustrating. Take some time to really treat yourself and have pamper time xx

  • Apologies I didn't reply sooner! My day got dramatically worse on Friday.....I got home after work and my husband told me another close family couple on his side are pregnant, he found out a week ago but are due this month!!! Nobody wanted to be the one to tell us. Its almost like we are now the ones that everyone has to be careful around or walk on egg shells. Upsetting, lonely and frustrating on many levels,

    Your replies were so comforting as you all really do understand. This really is the most horrible silent disease........We need to decided whether to go for IVF/ICSI this month as its our last fresh cycle. Being frightening it will fail and there is not last change stopping me.

    xxx

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