I stumbled across this forum as I'm sat next to my hubby on the sofa, mulling over what may or may not lie ahead of us. I find it refreshing the kind of support I've so longed for just at my fingertips, why now have I only found it?!
Anyway, here I am. I'm Sarah 😊 as many of you will agree trying to explain a fertility story from scratch can be a long process, so I'll try and keep it concise as I introduce myself...
Myself and hubby have been trying to start a family for the last 18 months. To start with it was casual as we were in the 6 month count down to our wedding, however post-honeymoon it's been the rollercoaster of appointments, tests, scans and of course waiting times...so far, hubby has all clear having produced everything nice and healthy from his date with 'the pot'. I am in the process of an 8 week wait (!) post HSG. Sadly my HSG was unpleasant and the doctor who performed the test was quick to leave the room to allow me to change so I was unable to ask him for any preliminary findings 😣
In the last 18 months my periods fizzled out and were very poor. After an 8 month spell of nothing they used provera to induce a bleed before performing the 21 day hormone test. Progesterone level of 0.9 at that point was not promising at all, but maybe due to the induced bleed?? No blood tests since. The ultrasound scans hinted at PCOS but nothing conclusively diagnosed.
My doctor led me to believe that depending on HSG result will depend on whether we try the likes of clomid or metformin if tubes are clear, and if tubes are blocked we may be heading straight to IVF. This both excites and scares me, after so much time having test after test any sort of treatment will be welcomed. Having said that, every consultation I have had so far has been with a different consultant for one reason or another, and each one seems to have been considering different avenues.
Sorry for rambling on! The main reason I find myself on here is for support and reassurance. I love my husband dearly but I feel sometimes he believes I am all-consumed by our journey. He tries his very best to understand, but ladies I'm sure you can empathise with how soul destroying it can be when you don't know the answers other than something just isn't working as it should. This does sadly impact on my willingness to participate in baby making activity, which comes in waves of wanting to do it and other days really not feeling up to it.
Luckily next week we celebrate our first anniversary and we have a weekend away. My consultation for HSG results aren't for another 3 weeks so we won't have anything new to talk/worry about.
I appreciate any support, listening ears and shared stories. Thanks for reading mine so far and I look forward to getting to know some of you 😘
Sarah x
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Hello Sarah, welcome to the forum. 😊 Lots of women (and some men I keep forgetting!) are here sharing stories similar to yours.
I completely empathise with your thoughts about your husband... my husband thinks similar but I've learnt so much here and over time he is now thankful I have my friends here and knows little bits of lots of journeys here.
I'm glad you've benefited so much from here. Having browsed through some posts I'm reassured that I'm not the only one who's heart sinks with every pregnancy announcement, or someone asking when we will have a family. Our best friends had their first baby the day after one of my appointments so most times we see them we get 'it'll be your turn next'. They know our issues but for those who aren't facing it are in ignorant bliss. Husband doesn't feel the same struggle as me every time we see our friends (amongst others with children) and sometimes my moodiness around it can be awkward.
Thank you for understanding, I'm so glad to have joined now. I haven't told hubby about it, I'll find the right time to do so without worrying that once again I'm coming across totally wrapped up in it. But being on here is better than googling everything!
ah, the famous 'you'll be next'... coupled with 'when are you going to have children?' & 'you're not getting any younger!' - it's very hard isn't it? I'm not sure if it gets easier or you get used to it. I've come to learn that it isn't different for men; it's just a different struggle and they don't always handle it the same way.
I see what you mean, over the last few months whenever someone pesters me about having babies I'm more inclined to just blurt out the truth rather than awkwardly saying 'not ready yet!'. So maybe I too am getting used to it. Some days are easier than others, I'm very fortunate to have time on my side at the moment.
I understand about our husbands. It can't be easy for them to see us going through it. I just feel an outlet for me will indeed help us both. I tend not to go into too much detail with him about my lady functions, so that alone will be a great help and reassurance that everything is and will be ok in the end!
My husband has recently started telling random strangers who ask him! It's in my last but one post. He thinks it gives a sense of control back. He's probably right. x
I've read through your last 2 posts and find you very endearing. Sounds like you and your husband are quite the team! I'm sorry I don't fully understand your situation, but I totally admire your acknowledgement of your own needs. I have said to my husband before now that if he had chosen to marry someone else, he could have his own children. His response was that he would rather have me and no children than no me at all. Just shows how shattering it can be on self confidence, when really you're a stronger and better person for getting through it. And for supporting others too! I agree that talking about it gives some control, it means that people will realise it's not as straight forward as what they imply, and then we have the ability to chose what we want them to know 😊 xxx
Gosh, the guilt... I forgot about the guilt you feel. Here's me thinking right now the journey is hard, but I had forgotten how hard the part you're in is. Just feeling bad for being a bit broken. Strong husbands really come in to their own when we need them xx
I try my best not to be guilty now! I was offered a promotion just before Christmas so I decided not to tell the family til Christmas day. When I told my mum I had news her face lit up! Seems she was almost disappointed by a promotion and not a pregnancy 🙈 I laugh it off now but things like that can dampen spirits a bit. Husband encourages me not to feel guilty if ever I start heading that way, after all none of it can be helped can it. I live an average lifestyle which isn't unhealthy, although he did start me on an exercise regime with him!
Sounds like you guys have had some big decisions to make. What a strong marriage you must have and very admirable xx
Absolutely, I tread very carefully with how I word things now! Thanks a lot, we will see what the next appointment brings, it has already added a whole new dimension to our relationship and one way or another we will create and raise a family, as will you 😊 xxx
Ahh! Bless you. Tests and more tests? Long waits for results? Have you a treatment plan now? Please feel free to message me privately, I'd love to keep up to date with someone doing similar 😊 xxx
Oh yes tests and appointments with more tests added for good measure lol. I have also been trying with hubby past 18 months. My hubby has slightly low normal looking sperm though the consultant stressed the "slightly" part so he didn't seem that worried about it. I also had my HSG a few weeks ago though luckily got my results on the day as all clear. Much like yourself my periods have fizzled to pretty much non existent though the doctor doesn't seem to take this too seriously and doesn't think I should be taking any medication as he believes tests indicate I am ovulating. Just wondering if this was also the case for yourself or if perhaps I should explore provera?
Like yourself the thought of IVF both excites and scares me however I must say it came as quite a shock for me to head straight to this treatment option without trying others first.
I totally empathise with your comments about hubby & the baby making 😂. Like yourself mine is also lovely but he also believes I am all consumed. I'm sure u will appreciate this forum as much as I do for the days u need to offload- I find it helps to use it instead of me going on about it with my hubby. I dont even need to write anything, jus to read others are feeling likr i am helps alot. Hubby actually said to me the other day I havent been as obsessed by it so I definitely think the forum helps! Xx
You're situation sounds so similar! Fortunately my hubby had an all clear result from his test, you'd think the doctor had handed him a certificate he was so smug with himself.
I'm pleased to hear you had the results from your HSG so quickly, it's been an agonising wait here. I found it so uncomfortable so I didn't even think to try and keep a watchful eye on the monitor as it happened and even so I probably wouldn't be able to interpret it correctly. I'm just desperate to know now, 5 weeks down 3 weeks to go!
The provera was prescribed for me to induce a period so they could do my CD 21 bloods to see if I'm ovulating. Unsurprisingly, given my progesterone level I'm not ovulating. As I said though I'm not sure how authentic that actual test was given that the bleed was induced. I'm not sure whether it's worth you exploring provera or not, they only seem to be offering it to me when I've not had a bleed for ages and need one (eg. in time for HSG), therefore I'm unsure as to whether it will actually affect your hormones and cycle/ovulation. Provera has only been a 10 day course of tablets as one-off occasions as opposed to something that is taken throughout the month.
So has your gynae pinpointed what it is that's causing you to have trouble? Are you going straight into IVF? I'm hoping my tubes are clear so I can try clomid or something first, but if not I'm glad that they've already said we could be candidates for IVF on the NHS.
I get what you mean about browsing through other people's posts, I've already felt such a sense of community. I told my husband about joining the forum today, I didn't get much of a reaction but I'm hoping that in time, especially in the run up to the results, he will notice I'm handling things better.
So frustrating that you have had to wait so long for the HSG results. Roll on the next 3weeks! I found it pretty uncomfortable too but thankfully it was over relatively quickly. My tubes are clear but consultant is saying straight to IVF due to my low AMH as time is a factor and we need ICSI due to hubby's slightly low sperm count. He did say a natural pregnancy was still a possibility so I can always hope that it might happen. It's a blessing that we are offered the opportunity to have IVF on the NHS so there is that to be thankful for xxx
Hormones are such a pain aren't they!! I can't understand how or why they can be so off the levels they should be. I hear it quite a lot, 'it'll probably happen when you stop thinking about it and relax...'! A natural pregnancy would be a delight and that's certainly something to try for. But really the process won't matter as long as the end result is a healthy and happy one. I have everything crossed for you. When will you start this process?
Definitely grateful for the NHS, we've started a saving pot just incase but it was very reassuring when she said we would be ideal candidates for IVF if needed
Haha you're right about the hormones how do they manage to get themselves so up the left 🙈.
Oh I totally empathise - those comments are SO frustrating; I had one recently that I was trying too hard! I felt like saying I'd like to see you not try hard in the same position. Every other dream we have people tell us to try hard and work for it but this one they tell us to not think about it 😫😪 Rant over lol.
Well we were told summer initially but now we've since been told we will get "the call" from the clinic in summer, a date will then be set within 6 weeks of "the call" and that date will be within the following 3 months so we are thinking November. What about yourself, is the next step to get your HSG results and take it from there? Xx
Trying TOO HARD!! I've heard it all! My husband's friend said 'I wish my wife would do it with me every other night, she needs your doctor's prescription' - one stern look from my husband and he soon swallowed his words! It all sounds lovely re. intimacy until you're in this context and it's a whole different board game eh. (rant over haha).
Oooh you must be on tender hooks waiting for 'the call'. I can only assume they have a waiting list? Hopefully you may be pleasantly surprised and they may get back to you earlier than expected. Although on the other hand it may be good to prepare yourself for longer and anything sooner is a bonus. Are you only any preparatory treatments or anything?
Yup you got it, waiting for the HSG results and going from there. I'm thinking I will need a plan A, plan B, plan C, plan D etc etc....nothing as yet has resulted in what we had expected so I'll try to prepare for the unexpected too.
Haha I know people say oh enjoy the fun whilst you can as if it's all lingerie and seduction every night of the week 😂 as if lol.
No other treatments to prep -jus straight to ICSI. Yeh they said the waiting list was roughly 8 months but that was to "the call" which we didn't realise so it's really an 11-12 month waiting list. To be honest I have put 2.5 stone on in 2 years and currently classed as 'slightly overweight' by the consultant so I'm trying to get that back down again even by a stone to give myself the best chance with treatment. I've also stopped drinking. Don't even know if it's necessary but it was one of the suggestions in a book I read re improving egg quality so giving it a try 😂 to be honest I'm finding giving up the wine easy but the dieting is HARD!
You sound well prepared and ready for any avenues so that's great! I'm stealing some of your positive vibes lol
Haha it hasn't been the fancy lingerie and seduction every night for a long long time! Some chance of it happening now 😂
That's a long waiting time. I admire you for focusing on other things in the meantime. I've also put weight on, I've always been a healthy weight but after waiting for a consultation which ended up in a lecture about a healthy lifestyle, I ended up eating rubbish for a few months and actually felt like I couldn't care less. I too have quit the alcohol and gone onto all de-caf drinks. I have a bad sweet tooth which I need to keep an eye on, but try and allow yourself some treats now and again because you have enough on your plate without being too hard on yourself with a strict diet
Some days I feel well prepared, others I feel like a rabbit in headlights. Steal away with the positive vibes, they've all come from the forum anyway 😂 xxx
Haha the same thing happened to me....what is that about?! Some sort of rebellion yet for something we really want. The mind is a strange thing lol. Maybe we just needed to eat crap for a few months in order to start being good again. I have just re joined the gym so we will see how that goes.
It is most definitely a roller coaster ride for sure. xx
Hi Sarah. Welcome to the group. I was in a similar position with my hubby really up until we were going through our first IVF cycle this year. Up until then, I'd always felt guilty for being envious of our friends getting pregnant because hubby was so always genuinely thrilled for them. I felt like this inferior person who didnMt deserve someone so lovely. He's brilliant at not falling into peer pressure and was always like well we've got loads of time. But when we were going through our cycle, he said, I really really want this to work. I felt like he'd suddenly caught up with me. This has been great for us both as we have come to terms with the bfn together and he's also much more understanding when I don't want to go to a christening or something like that. He also is thrilled I have this group as I now have people who just get it. Before I felt really isolated as we haven't raised our infertility with our friends and no one knew we were doing ivf. So to sum up, I think it's great you've joined! Vic x
Hi Vic, thank you for your reply. My heart totally goes out to you. I couldn't put it better myself - here, people just 'get it'. And that's what I've been longing for for months now, someone who doesn't just tell me 'it'll be alright' or 'your time will come', but actually someone who can totally understand and offer the listening ear. Not to sound too pessimistic of course, but in this journey you learn to be realistic and not get hopes up too much.
How did you get on with your IVF? I'm interested that you and your husband reached a moment of true understanding and togetherness in this journey. My husband has on and off days. At my first appointment he clung onto my hand in the waiting room, and the whole way through the appointment. At my last one, he was sat there flicking mindlessly through the magazines in the waiting room and without creating a scene I just longed for him to hold my hand again instead. Having said that, with most things in our marriage he can be very matter-of-fact so I'm probably overthinking things. Credit where credit is due though, he is always great around our friends who have babies/pregnancy announcements and very sensitive if I ever need to catch myself for a moment or two.
Having joined the forum I feel like I have lots of virtual friends holding my hand!
Sounds to me like you more than deserve your amazing loving marriage. Where are you up to in your journey now?
Hi _MrsC, sorry to butt in on your conversation I just wanted to see how you felt about not telling your friends about IVF. Myself and my hubby have also taken this decision and I just wondered if you had any words of wisdom around this as I still go back and forth questioning whether to tell some friends closer to the time though so far have always rested with the decision to keep it to ourselves. I'm just not sure if they will understand, grasp the emotions attached with it or the journey that has led us to this point, from comments they've made about other people. Xx
I had totally meant to mention this in my earlier reply, as you can see though I was on a complete tangent with my typing...
I admire you both for doing this. We kept it quiet for many months, the earliest we spoke about it was when we knew the issue was with me. Personally we ended up saying it because we were fed up of people prying about us starting a family. But then, once we told one person we felt that others needed to know - eg. telling my parents then feeling like we should tell his.
It has eased some pressure off us in a way because people are more sensitive to what we are going through. A few people will bring it up and ask how things are going, but generally they leave us to discuss it as/when we feel we want to.
I think it's completely each to their own on this one, and it also depends on what your friends and family are like and how they may respond to you telling them. We didn't go all out to just 'announce' it as such, we've just waited until the conversation was right. We are indeed very fortunate to have some very supportive family and friends, they're not local so we also have the privacy we need.
Best of luck to you on what you decide to do, on this one (unlike many other chapters of this story), you are in complete control xxx
You know what I think you've hit the nail on the head, it's the one thing we feel we have a say over right now. I've told my parents but he doesn't want his family to know and I have to respect his decision. He says he will tell them closer to the time if it comes down to it. Part of me feels it puts more pressure on us and takes away from that moment we've been dreaming of to announce the surprise pregnancy but sure we can't have it all eh. My friends know I have been trying to conceive for a long while now as I stupidly / excitedly told friends we were trying a long while back and of course it hasn't happened so they have an idea there's problems but no one has asked me about it. I feel if they did I might tell them other than my hubby asking me not to. I know it's probably because they feel they shouldn't ask as its so personal but at the same time if it was the other way about I feel like I would ask them how they are coping with it all. I've had comments from friends such as "so many people I know are pregnant at the moment...my friends only had a baby and already pregnant again" etc" which makes me question if the understanding is really there. Xx
Thank you so much, I'm really touched by the amount of support I've had already xx
Hello Sarah and welcome to the forum!!
Your in good company on here and most people will share some of (if not all) your experiences! Welcome to the waiting game of tests and appointments, there is one thing this process has tried (and failed 😂) to teach me is patience as things often don't happen on our timescales!
I hope that when you get to see your consultant that you get to ask the questions that you want (write them all down beforehand as you inevitably forget them all when you go in!) 😘😘
The emotional journey men and women take can often be very different and we find ourselves at times getting frustrated with our partners, all completely normal, if there is one thing I could suggest is try and enjoy each other around the treatment as you can risk getting 'lost' in the process of treatment.
And in terms of intimacy, be reassured that this is completely normal, it can effect men and women at different stages. There is a lot of pressure around 'timing' and 'baby making' that it takes the fun out of it, it becomes pressured and yet another task for the never ending lists women hold mentally. Maybe the anniversary, bit of wine and some fun can help!! 😋
Best of luck with your follow up, I have everything crossed for you xxxx
Absolutely, I tell myself to be patient but sometimes much easier said than done. I work in healthcare so I have felt all too frustrated in knowing that the results will have been waiting there for me for the last few weeks, I just can't access them yet. But I've waited before and I will wait again, my time will come!
I'm fortunate that husband comes with me to all appointments, so if my mind goes blank or if I'm trying to process what they are saying he doesn't mind asking questions too. Sometimes the half hour to an hour appointment just doesn't seem long enough!
We do our best to make dates with each other, to plan some along time together away from work and away from family and friends to just be ourselves and not talk about it if we don't want to. As for the anniversary weekend, I'm so so excited we are booked into a spa hotel with afternoon tea and a la carte dining in the evening. I will take my favourite outfit and no doubt reminisce over the wedding day, before all of this took a hold of us.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm overwhelmed by the support and find myself smiling as I type my replies. What a strong community there is here and I'm so glad I found it
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