Are we brave?

Are we brave?

People keep telling me I'm brave but I don't feel it. The thought of another round of ivf scares me. Ivf in itself isn't nice. The thought of more migraines like I had the last time, of becoming a pin cushion again, of having my hormones all over the place, the fear of my embryos perishing during the thaw, of getting a bfn after the tww.. Even getting a positive terrifies me after what's happened.. Am I brave? Because I sure don't feel it.

36 Replies

oldest β€’ newest
  • I know what you mean. The next round does seem daunting because it's just so unpredictable and add in all the side effects from all of the medication then it's a cocktail of uncertainty, wishful thinking and frankly sheer good luck. I think anyone who puts themselves through it is being brave not for all of the hard work it takes but for the fact we put our hearts 100% on the line and if and when it doesn't work, we have to scoop our heart back up and nurture it back to health to go through the same process again. On top of all that, we have to carry on with work and be pleased when others' achieve our dream; some at the drop of a hat and others through the same hard work we have put in. One of my favourite characters from television, Ducky from NCIS, said the other week, when you are going through hell, just keep going. I know it's a quote from someone else, but when he said it, it resonated with me and I thought it summed up the IVF journey rather well. In short, I think we just keep going because at the end of the day, if we don't, we're left with what if and nothing is more scary than that! xxx

  • Even though I don't know you, I think you're one of the bravest people I know if that makes sense. I've read what you've been through and you're already coming back fighting. I wish you all the luck in the world that next time is going to be your time. Best wishes xx

  • Thank you xx

  • I think anyone going through ivf multiple times is incredibly brave not just the process but as you say the discomfort and the fact it's a silent battle. Only you can know what you can go through but you will find the strength xx

  • You ARE courageous because you go on. Bravery is facing adversity down and moving ahead, not in the complete absence of fear, but in the belief of your dreams. I am not a religious person and maintain that if you are going to believe in anything, let it be in yourself and your infinite ability to conquer. Xx

  • Beautifully said xx

  • I do believe being BRAVE is going through a process that hurts and knowing you might not get anything at the end. You defo have to be brave to do that hun. Thinking of you xx

  • Thank you. I hope you and baby are well xx

  • I'm ok hun thanks apart from my carpal tunnel syndrome everything is good xx

  • "Being brave" is doing doing something you're afraid to do... You've already been brave... now you're in a place debating whether you're brave enough again.

    It took me a long time to realise that I shouldn't feel guilty for questioning whether I was brave or not. Whether I could handle being a failure. I'm scared of being a failure when I already feel like one.

    But it's always easier to give advice and thoughts that receive it... you're strong because of what you've done; you're already brave for what you've been through; you're amazing for whatever and whenever your journey you take next xxx

  • Dear it's d hardest thing in world that u r into . And d worst bit is u can't talk to people about it . We r all so alone . Pain nourishes courage . And one has to fail to practice being brave. You have already done so much . I myself feel now so exhausted and numb. I can now cry even at d sight of children and when I want to cry tears don't come to me no more .

  • Honey you are brave because IN SPITE OF the fear and uncertainty you carry on!!! I'm terrified of what's ahead of me. I cried this morning in hubby's arms that I was so scared and didn't know if I had it in me to do this and face whatever comes our way. I've been through hell and back over the last 3 years but somehow the fear of the alternative (never having a child), of not giving it my best shot, of wondering 'what if', overrides my fear. It's still there but we face it head on - that's bravery. Whatever you decide moving forward, you ARE BRAVE for even facing IVF in the first place, and for what you came through on the other side. And you know what, you are stronger than you think. It's still too raw to decide on next moves and whether you can or are strong enough to do another round. It took me 7 months after my first loss to even come close to contemplating it (after counselling) and after the 2nd I took 9 months out again before kicking things off. I didn't feel brave either of those times but with hindsight I know that I am. So don't put pressure on yourself to decide so soon what you want to do. It takes as long as it takes and whatever happens YOU ARE BRAVE for coming this far for fighting the battle you have been all along! Much luv hon xxx

  • Nope it must be the drugs. Now I'm crying. Again. #wearebrave.

    Love to you too xx

  • Sorry you were crying. X

  • Thank you xx

  • You are brave, you're moving forward, you're talking about trying again, that makes you brave x

  • Xxxxxxx yes you are brave xxxx

  • X

  • This is like reading my thoughts Vicky, I keep hearing that I'm brave too and I really don't feel it, although I guess we must be because it's a hell of a lot to put yourself through. I'm also terrified of so much of it, particularly it never working and having to face a life without children but I think that's the main thing that keeps me going..the fear of not keeping trying and the regret that would come with that, I personally don't think that makes me particularly brave, I actually think it's fear that drives me!

    I think you are brave though, you've been through so much yet you're picking yourself up and gearing yourself up to do it all again, you're an inspiration xx

  • Thank you that's so kind of you to say. I carry on because like yourself I don't want to be left with "What ifs" or "I wish I had of" I'm not ready to give up yet, I must exhaust all of my options. I don't want to resent the choices I made years down the line if I give up because it got tough (tougher). No regrets. I think this one is becoming my motto xx

  • That's EXACTLY how I feel! I think the regret would eat me up and I might look back and think 'no matter how hard, you should have just done it while you could' although, feeling super emotional yesterday I did say to hubby I can't do this again πŸ˜• It's hard isn't it.

    In fact, a lovely elderly lady I know who was widowed recently, has the motto 'Always grateful, no regrets' which she says a lot, apparently it's from a favourite poem of hers..so here's to that xx

  • We can do this again. We've done it before and come out the other side, albeit battered and bruised, but we survive and one day hopefully our troubles will be worth it 🀞 xx

  • You really are stronger than you think you are. And will always have support on this forum xx

  • Thank you xx

  • Your welcome x

  • Hello hun, I've often wondered the same and don't have the answer. All I know that starting treatment again and making plans for the future helped to manage the pain. Helped me to slowly move on from that horrible dark place I was trapped in, where I couldn't function. We are all different and some of us take less, some of us longer, to be able to face the rollercoaster again. Whenever you decide that you can detach yourself from the pain of your loss long enough to do something, it will be difficult and scary. There will be times when you think you're crazy to have ever even started this journey. But I promise you the alternative is scarier - forever being trapped in your pain? Giving up hope? Accepting you'll be childless because this little angel wasn't meant to stay with us? Take your time and go with your heart. Only you can know when the time is right to make any decisions. I never considered myself as brave - I simply didn't have a choice but to do all I'm doing. Hugs. Thinking of you ❀️❀️

  • You're right on many points. Thanks Nesfin xx

  • I think everyone having fertility treatment is brave! The fact that it scares you & you do it anyway shows bravery & strength x

  • Somehow I don't like the saying 'you're brave' as it sounds like there's an implicit foolishness in our quest as well... And that we're somehow in a completely different world which the person saying it looks on at from a distance, being glad they don't have to do it.

    I much prefer 'You're so strong' as no matter what else, going through what we are going through is making us stronger, yet more sensitive and empathetic, human beings. Lots of hugs x

  • Here's my opinion for what it's worth! When those who haven't faced the enormous struggles, turmoil and complications of infertility say how brave you are going through IVF, I tend to feel slightly patronised and it always sounds a little flippant to me, I feel their use of "brave" feels so diluted and there doesn't seem to be a better word they could find which even begins to encompass all the pain and fight we have to go through daily. However, when anyone who is going through similar battles to yourself - i.e. all the lovely ladies on this forum, well, when they say you're brave, i think that's an entirely different matter in my book and you need to believe them as they know what it feels like more than anyone, they know the true meaning of bravery, they know what it is like to be repeatedly knocked down and have to dust yourself off and try again and again. From other people in similar situations as yourself who know your pain, who have gone through similar experience, who fight this awful fight everyday, they know what true bravery is all about, well I feel they are much more justified to make comment on how brave you are. You and your partner sound extremely brave and I have the biggest respect for you both for carrying on fighting as you obviously have done time and time again. Your partner is very brave and you are too, please never question that. Being scared of everything that comes with another round of IVF, actually knowing what you are in for having done it all before, shows exceptional strength and bravery. Being scared doesn't make you any less brave, it makes you human and it shows how strong you are, even though you're scared, you're still finding all that strength to keep going, and in my book, that alone makes us all very special indeed. All the very best to you and I hope you finally get the outcome you and your partner both evidently deserve. Big hugs Sxx

  • Very well put Sez73!! Love this x

  • Thanks for your comment x

  • Beautifully said xx

  • Thank you xx

  • You are brave! No one could have gone through what you have without being brave and strong. You must remember that being afraid is part of being brave. You can never be brave or courageous if you don't feel fear.

  • I hadn't looked at it that way x

You may also like...