Hey ladies, after telling us she was pregnant a few weeks ago, and handling it really well, my hubbys sister has now announced her pregnancy on facebook (of course!) and I'm feeling really confused. I had kind of come to terms with her being pregnant when we're still struggling and hadn't been upset for a while. But now the whole world knows I feel upset again and it's really confusing me..I knew they were going to do it and they even rang my hubby to tell him they were going to post something that day, so they've been so sensitive & thoughtful of our situation which I'm so grateful for..and yet, I feel so upset again! It's not like it's the first time I'm hearing it and like I say, I had got used to it so I'm confused as to why I'm feeling this way now.
I don't know if it's because now I'm worrying about people talking about us, asking how we've took it, or wondering whether to bring it up with us, or just seeing all the joy at this announcement..has anyone else felt this way?
I'm on day 3 of stims but still taking some buserelin so that probably isn't helping! Xx
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Georgina78
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Oh poor G, I'm sorry hon . It's horrible and I SO know the feeling. Part of it is just the incredible yearning to have your own baby and the unfairness of it all and the other part is like a slightly ridiculous British sense of injustice at someone queue-barging: "hey, I've been here FOREVER, queuing patiently for my turn and you've totally queue-jumped!"xxx
Thanks huni, ha that's so true..his sister is 7 years younger than my hubby and hasn't been with her partner as long as us which is ridiculous! It doesn't mean they don't deserve it so you feel unreasonable even thinking it. The thoughts aren't rational though are they 😳 Thanks for the understanding xx
in reply to
AliceRW, you have made me giggle with your observation of British correctness!! Very true!! I've been waiting in this said queue for six years now and I'm bloody fed up of being 'patient' I use that term loosely because I'm actually not!!!!! Georgina78 my SIL is pregnant too, her 3rd and we are still waiting for our first! You are not on your own and your frustration is totally shared!!! 😘😘
Aw thank you for letting me know I'm not alone, that must be tough for you coping with a 3rd on the way when you're just like..I'll take one please 😕 Hard isn't it. Hope you're ok xx
I am ok, thank you for asking 😘😘 It is tough but we try and make the best of what we have, I am very lucky really, a family would be the icing on the cake.
Social media can be tricky to navigate, but I agree with Tugsgirl, that hide button can be useful! 😉
The very best for your cycle, I hope everything goes well for you xxx Ps mid cycle hormones are a pest! 🤓🤓
Aww I'm sorry you are struggling. It's so hard isn't it. I think that when you have tried so much for so long it's just hard to see others moving forward. After 2 years TTC and not telling anyone we were trying again I got the comment 'be careful when you start trying it happened in the first month for us'. I could have cried. People don't know the turmoil you go through each month. Trying to dodge any comments or things that will make us feel even worse. I hope you are ok. You sound so strong. It's hard to put a brave face on but good you can vent here...... take care xxxxx
Thanks for your lovely reply Rainbow, it means a lot. So comforting to know I'm not alone, although I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's definitely true about others moving forward, that's exactly how it feels which seems silly as life isn't a race but I just can't help it. Thanks for the support 😘 Xx
Yes. When a friend of ours posted her newborn son on Facebook the other night. It's not like I didn't know he was on his way! But I still ended up in tears and pressing the hide option. She's had so much heartache with previous losses too, although this is her second son. I hear she had a really hard time with labour but it still hurts me seeing the birth announcement. She deserves it. I wish her well. I just can't deal with it very well at the moment. So please, don't be too hard on yourself xx
Thanks Hun, so sorry you have to deal with it as well, after all you've been through. It's so complex isn't it, or maybe it's actually very simple! We're only human and we have understanding here 😘 Xx
Unfortunately there's no escaping it as much as we try. Somehow we'll have to learn to develop a thicker skin and in the meantime there's the hide button xx
Aw Georgiana78 I'm in the same boat 😢 My SIL paid for a private scan at 9wks last weekend and told the whole family, tomorrow she wanted us to go to where her mums gone for the weekend carvaning so we could celebrate with all her friends!! We've decided not to go and as much as I thought I was feeling ok with it now everyone knows I'm dreading all the comments and then pitiful faces as they know we've struggled. Her due date is 4 days after my 40th so can't even plan anything for that incase she goes into labour at the time, so think we're going to go away instead. It's so bloody hard isn't it. Your happy for them but gutted at the same time. Yours sound a bit more thoughtful than mine. Seems to be because I plaster a smile on my face everyone thinks I'm ok. Think I should start playing poker!! I have no words of wisdom to offer but know exactly how you feel. But hopefully this coming cycle will bring you your long awaited baby 😘Xxx
Aw Hun I was thinking about you and wondering how you were coping with it too..totally don't blame you for not going, why put yourself through that torture 😳
That's exactly it about the pity, something that really scares me. I never wanted to be that person that people creep around and talk about with pity behind your back yet I am so grateful they have been so sensitive towards our situation, so sorry it's not totally been like that for you 😔 I have been honest with them that we've been upset as we just wish it was us too even though we're so happy for them and they've got that. We just have the MIL coming round tomorrow and she's definitely less sensitive, we're bracing ourselves for her excitement and obliviousness to how we're feeling!
Such a shame about your 40th but going away just the two of you might be the best decision you could have made when it comes to it, I'm 40 in January next year and not sure I'll feel like a big celebration if things haven't changed for us.
Oohh I totally feel it gurl . In last 6 months 3 batchmates who got married and fell pregnant that very month . And my aunt who knows everything what I've gone through tells me she's been invited to a baby shower and what she's gonna wear . And that I should get her all dressed up for d day . And why am I being a such nagger . I should accept what good d has planned for me and be happy for others . I felt so hurt. Have been all weepy . But I d pain but no tears. 😞😩
So sorry to hear you've had to cope with so many friends being lucky enough to become mums while you're still struggling, it's so hard isn't it. Especially when loved ones are so insensitive when it's their support you need 😕 I'm sure you are happy for others, it just reminds you what you haven't got though doesn't it. Big hugs to you, thanks for your support xx
It's very hard isn't it. You get to grips with the announcement and then there's another hurdle to overcome. Perfectly normal for you to be feeling this way.
Thanks Hun, yeah hurdles are definitely the issue..there'll be many more I'm sure and we just have to get on with it and stay hopeful don't we. Feeling better today although we're seeing the MIL so we'll see how long that lasts! Thanks for your reply xx
Hi. Your post struck a chord with me as I felt exactly the same. To be honest, when my SIL (plus 2 other people) announced her pregnancy I took myself off Facebook because I knew I wouldn't cope when the time came for the announcement (we were away together when I was told and all I did is cry in secret).
I now realise that I was in denial - if I couldn't see it then it wasn't true...At every stage I felt that way. Every time I knew I was going to see her I got anxious. The baby is 3 weeks old now and my feelings have (almost) subsided. It isn't easy but I've come to terms with it, however, I might have come to terms with it sooner if I'd faced up to it. Each milestone of the pregnancy / birth / beyond will be hard but it doesn't make your situation any different and the added stress and upset will only make you feel bad.
I don't know how close your hubby is to his sister but mine and his sister are so close so he found it difficult seeing me so upset because at the same time he was happy for his sister and excited at becoming an uncle. It was tough.
You can't help how you feel, though, and you just need to take each step at a time. I'm still not strong enough to go on Facebook and probably won't until I get my own baby (2 years and 2 months waiting).
Good luck with everything. It can feel so unfair at times but you're not alone in your feelings x
Thanks JoJo, so sorry to hear you've struggled with this too, it's tough isn't it. I feel better today although I know there'll be lots of other hurdles, the next one being seeing the MIL today, we know she's super excited and she should be as it's her first grandchild but we're hoping she'll be sensitive (although bracing ourselves for that not being the case and having to say something)
They are pretty close so it's hard knowing my upset could be affecting hubbys happiness for his sis but when I try to hold it in it just doesn't seem to work 😕 We're just hoping it works for us this time and there'll be little cousins growing up together 🙏🏻
Thanks for your support and lots of luck to you too xxx
Poor you. It's such a difficult situation; hearing of other people's joyful news when you are struggling so much. My heart goes out to you. Try not to expect too much of yourself; just because you heard a few weeks ago that doesn't make it any easier now it's on social media and you're having to deal with it again. You're entitled to your feelings which are entirely understandable. Sending love xxxxxx
Thanks Jenny your kind words mean a lot and it's nice to know others understand and I'm not just a bad person! 😘
Oh dear, so sorry to hear this as I experienced this situation during my 7 yrs ttc journey all the women in my family got pregnant 2 to 3 times and feel sorry for me, some hide the news. Do not be sad and be positive that one day you will have ur own baby,. Xx
Feel like everything is at a stand still - had to freeze embryos as I had over stimmed so couldn't risk transfer right away. Then had to wait for a period before starting protocol again but I've never been regular so it has not arrived! Had to wait another month and now ready to go. Meanwhile everyone I know is punching out kids at a rate of knots! I really struggle to have a relationship with my nieces and nephews, who I once would do anything to be around. It's like something in my brain has switched off to protect myself, which makes me feel horrible! x
Oh no how frustrating for you 😟 Glad you're ready to go now though.
It does seem like you're literally the only person you know who's struggling doesn't it, it's so hard to see everyone around you moving on in the way you long to but can't.
I understand the protecting yourself thing, I am worried that when our niece or nephew comes that I can't be the auntie I'd like to because it's just too hard, makes me feel horrible too, it sucks. I've never doubted if I'm a good person before but infertility certainly makes you do that. Lots of luck xx
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