3 MCs, scared to try again

Hello girls! Need to hear your thoughts. I had 3 miscarriages in past 8 years. Doctors don’t know the reason why I can’t carry a baby. I’m scared to try again. It’s unbearable to loose children. I’m not sure I’ll cope with another loss. I think the best option for me is if surrogate mother carries our baby. Surrogacy is illegal in my country. That means we have to find solutions abroad. First question is how and where to find surrogate mother? I know there are many agencies but their fees are so high. Maybe there is other ways to find surrogate mother. Will it be ok to look for her in the internet? I saw many girls who propose services of surrogate mother. Do we need a lawyer? I have no idea how to make everything in the right way. Second question is what are prices? How much should we pay and who states the price. What will we have to pay for? Any info will be great! Thanks in advance!

7 Replies

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  • Hi sorry to hear of your losses, I can empathise with with as I've also had two miscarriages. Have you had any investigations done such as blood tests, to see if anything is wrong? With my second loss I had the fetus removed and tested, which highlighted blood clotting to the placenta and a rare chromosomal disorder trisomy 2. I was advised to take a high dose of folic acid and 75mg of asprin with any future pregnancies. This combination worked for me. Sorry I can't comment on surrogacy as I have had no experience of this but good luck 🍀

  • Thank you for the answer! I'm happy for you! It's so nice you found solution which worked for you. We made so many tests and checks. We tried so many medications and methods. Nothing gave result unfortunately. I just feel like I can't do this anymore. I feel like one more MC will break me completely... I'm on edge... Sorry I'm telling all these stuff. I'm just so tired...

  • A friend of ours is just going into hospital to be induced for her second baby. Her first baby is now two years old. Before these babies she'd suffered 5 miscarriages. Every pregnancy she's had has been natural conception however she has a problem carrying them. This time and last time she was on medication to support the pregnancies. I'm not entirely sure of everything she took but I know progesterone pessaries are one because she gave me her spares (I probably won't use them because I don't believe in using other people's prescriptions). I just wanted to share her story and tell you there is still hope xx

  • Thank you for your reply and support! I appreciate your help and advices you gave. I'll consider this information. We will have some more consultations with our doctor. It seems to me I took analogue of progesterone pessaries... But I'll definitely ask my doctor about it. I understand that surrogacy should be considered as a last thing... We will of course discuss it more with our doctor. But I'm so tired of MCs and have no strength to go through it again(

  • I appreciate you answered so fast! Thank you so so much for support. I really need it at this period of time. I thought no one will reply. I'm so happy I can talk to you now! May I ask you, what was the reason you decided to use surrogate mother? I'm sorry this question is probably rude. Please don't take me wrong. I have no intention to offence you or make you feel bad. My inability to carry a baby is a very hard topic to discuss for me. It's painful even to think about this. I will understand if you don't want to talk about your infertility story. I just hope to talk to someone who understands. I don't know... It would be nice to talk to someone with pretty same problem. Maybe to feel that you're not the only one who has to go through this.

    Thanks for all advices. I will consider all of them. Thanks for preventions about agencies and searching of surrogate mothers. I know about high fees which agencies take for services they propose. Some of them have too high prices, not reasonable at all. But I couldn't even think there are so many fake agencies and liars. There are a lot of them everywhere. But using our problem to get money is so unfair. I can't get it how people can be so evil. You are right. My desire to save money this way may be disastrous. I've never heard about these lows so thank you for telling. That's so weird that surrogate mother can leave my baby. How it can be so? Baby isn't hers genetically so how can she do that? Sure you can go to court to "fix" this but who wants to start parenting with court. Also I think adoption process can take plenty of time. I didn't know that clinics do search of surrogate mothers. I thought you should do it by yourself or through agency and then went to a clinic with surrogate mother. It's great to know about that. I'm starting to feel more confident at this topic) The only thing is I think that it takes less time for an agency to find surrogate mother than for a clinic. Maybe that's why they have so high fees. Maybe you could advise some websites which you used personally? I will be very grateful.

    We are not able to have surrogacy in America. We were thinking about a loan but rejected this idea. I think it will be very hard for us in future when we will have a baby. We will have to care about child and buy a lot of things. I think it will be very hard to pay to a bank at the same time. May I ask you where do you have surrogacy? Why did you choose different packages? Was there something bad which made you to do so? I hope you will share some more details with me. It will help us in our search. Actually you've already helped a lot! Thank you so so much! I wish you good luck with your second journey! I will wait for your reply)

  • I'm really grateful you explained me all the stuff! I'm so sorry you had to waste your time answering all my questions. But I want you to know that this info is very helpful for us. I'm so sorry about your situation! You've gone through a lot! I'm happy to know your story has a good ending, which is a great beginning of wonderful life! That's so true when people ask you those questions and you just want to scream and shout! It's so painful when they so simply rise a question about the most hardest thing in life. My mom has a friend. To be honest I hate that woman... She always tells me than "It's time for kids, what are you waiting for?" I understand she doesn't know about my problems and that's why she's curious. But she also thinks that it's her mission to teach me life and to give some advices how to be a good wife and mother. It drives me crazy!!! Thank you for sharing your story with me. It’s much easier to open to person who is open with you.

    I'm actually shocked with that stuff about laws. It's so hard to prove baby is yours in such situation! It seems almost impossible. You can prove nothing without dna test(You're right those websites are really helpful. I found a couple more and there is not only general info, but also pictures, reviews and the smallest details!

    Price looks very reasonable. I think we'll also look more into this vip package. I told all info to my husband. He's not really against the idea of going to Ukraine but he has doubts. We don't know the language, is it ok? I told him we could hire a translator, but he thinks it will be expensive. We'll have to pay not only for services of translating but also for flight, apartment, food, etc. Also I wanted to where did you stay? Were there some problems with finding the clinic? I'll wait for your reply! I hope you'll share some thoughts with me)

  • I'm so sorry it took me so long to reply. I should say I had some kind of depression(?). On Wednesday our friends invited us at the small home party. As it turned out they asked us to come to tell us some great news. And... They are pregnant. They've been together for 2 years. Actually my husband introduced them. I'm happy for them! I really am! But this news made me so sad... That's why I spent a couple of days just lying in my bad and thinking about my life. It's so unfair that everyone around us is getting pregnant. And we just can't... I'm so sorry for telling you this... I feel like only you can understand.

    But now I'm back here! My husband supports me and I'm so grateful. He told me that we still have chance to become parents and we have to use it. I decided that now it's not a right time to be sad. We need to continue what we've started. As we are thinking about going to Europe we'll "pretend" my pregnancy. I don't want rumors about our surrogacy. It will be the best variant for us to make everything seem natural. I have a couple more questions for you. I hope you don't mind)

    My husband and I talked a lot about Ukraine. We discussed all information you shared with me. Also we've found some details in the internet. We've looked through official websites of a couple of Ukrainian clinics. I wanted to ask you how did you choose surrogate mother? Does the clinic have some kind of database? And for how long did you wait to start the procedure? Thank you for help!

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