Struggling this morning

[Tugsgirl]

I took a test (haven't taken one for three or four days) to see what my levels are like now and I have just the faintest of lines left. My bruises from the bloods and cannula I had are fading.. all visible signs that I was having a baby are going and they are all I had left. I thought I'd feel a bit more positive that it would mean my body will now heal and I could begin to think about future treatment but I feel more scared than ever that those two lines will be the last ones I ever see again. My first round of ivf terrified me but I was also excited. The second round I knew what to expect so I was less scared and a little excited but I'm struggling to see how I can ever get excited about the process ever again xx

[LiLi19]

Big hugs to you today...cant imagine what you're going through but wanted to show some love and support xx

I know it probably feels like it will be hard to get excited ever again about this process, but just think of all the possibilities, and how worth it they'll be in the end xx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry you are going through this, life can be so cruel. Time is a healer and one day you will feel strong enough, excited and ready to get you fighting spirit back to try again. Until then just focus on looking after yourself so you will be fighting fit when the time is right xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

You might not get excited about doing the process again but you will find strength and reserves of courage to do it again if you really want to.

It's normal to have up days and down days. The down days won't last forever and it's ok to be struggling. You've been through such a lot. Be kind to yourself. Spend time outdoors as nature is healing. Xxx

[tiger-cub]

Dear tugs sending u loads of patients and calmness. I guess after every failed attempt we get calmer but it becomes really difficult to stay positive. But we will definitely have to hold on to our lil hopein this pandora s box of sorrows.

Xxx

[Missy_22]

I don't think you will find it exciting but you will have the strength. I'm dreading my third round but us strong women will keep on going to get our miracles.

Take care xxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Missy_22]

I think that's what I need to hear; that it will happen again, we can get pregnant again, it will work. But of course no one can guarantee us that. I truly need to believe it but that's what I'm really struggling with xx

[Missy_22 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Hang in there! You will be positive in time it's just so raw now xxx big hugs

[katya38 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thinking of you xxx

[tiger-cub]

Definitely we will get there my dear

[eblam]

hold in there babe. i had one ivf cycle and it failed. i was heart broken. we also had 10 eggs...i have just done my second ivf cycle and we got one egg. i was devastated but just found out i am pregnant. my beta levels rise from 43 to 180 in 3 days. and my test today..3 days after the last is 1743...very healthy with twins we have been told. so i suggest you never give up. best of luck

[Tugsgirl in reply to eblam]

I foolishly thought that once everything was normal and we saw the heartbeat at 6+3 that everything would be fine from there.. I began to relax and believe everything would be ok but hearing that our baby had stopped growing two weeks later killed me inside. I'm so scared that I'll never get pregnant again and even more scared I'll lose it if we do xx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Tugsgirl]

Ps congratulations eblam X

[Pookymama]

I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will become strong enough to do this again. You will be able to fight to see those 2 beautiful lines again and one way or another I'm sure you'll have the chance to be a mum.

Allow yourself this time to heal and believe that your journey is far from over. Xx

[Aleelilook]

Sending love to you, I'm so sorry you're having to face this, i cannot begin to imagine your pain, but you will find the strength to move forward, but never leaving behind your first little one xxx perhaps seeing a counsellor would help, just to vent, to help you grieve? Be kind to yourself, and the cloud will eventually lift a little xxxxx

[Georgina78]

Big hugs Tugsgirl, try not to put too much pressure on yourself as it's still such early days after what you've been through. Even though I've had 3 failed cycles I haven't experienced the devastating loss like you have and even I struggle to feel anything other than fear & trepidation about our next cycle. I feel very guilty about that as we're so lucky to have this opportunity and I so wish I could feel positive & excited like some ladies do but of course there must be hope & some positivity there otherwise there's no way we would put ourselves through something like this.

Let yourself feel whatever it is you do but keep the faith you won't feel like this everyday. My friend had a miscarriage at around the same time as yourself lovely but her next pregnancy was completely problem free, as was the birth. Lots of love xx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Georgina78]

Thank you for offering me hope xx

[CountryCat]

No words of wisdom Tugs but wanted to say that I am thinking of you xx

"Courage doesn't mean you don't get afraid, courage means you don't let the fear stop you."

[Beanme]

Big hugs to you pet. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. You are destined to be a mum so when you are ready, reach for it xxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Beanme]

You really think so? xx

[Beanme in reply to Tugsgirl]

100% xxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Beanme]

❤️

[Lucylu_88]

Sending all my love to you Tugsgirl. You are incredibly brave and I wish you all the very best. I hope you have lots of people around you to support you.

Lucy xx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Lucylu_88]

I do. I'm very fortunate in that way. I don't feel very brave sometimes though xx

[baby2016]

Aw tugsgirl, I've not been on here for a few days due to being so busy at work but have just seen this post 😟 All I can say is I'm firmly in this boat with you, I felt exactly the same re cycle one and cycle 2 I knew what to expect, but cycle 3 I'm unsure what to think. More pressure I think with it being the last round. I too also have those horrible fears of never seeing 2 lines again, although I dreamt last year I'd see a clearblue saying 2-3wks, thought that was a sign for my cycle last year, but not true and think it's more because that's what I desperately want to see 😢 So can't offer any words of advice re that side, but how you feel now, that's just how I felt, like it was a slowly fading away and becoming more of a nightmare than something amazing that had happened that then turned horribly wrong. It's only natural to feel that, as horrible and sad as it is, this is where the emotional side takes a while to even try to heal. Just keep thinking your not in this alone and we will both keep paddling that boat together, along with all the others in the same boat to get us to the end destination 😊 Xxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to baby2016]

Thank you. You all help me so so much xx

[Smithha]

I'm so sorry lovely that your having to go through all this :0( it's all so cruel, but you will find the strength and you will be scared at times but you will continue through it because you are a strong lady - be kind to yourself and look after you x

[anna0908]

I have no words other than I am thinking of you and hope you have success in the future. Sending hugs and my best wishes xx

[Cinderella5]

Sorry to hear that you're having a bad day! Dont be too hard on yourself, you cant be upbeat and positive all the time and you've shown such courage on your journey so far! Its still early days and you need time! Sending lots of love xx

[hellokitty33]

Big Hugs. I'm thinking of you. I can't imagine how you are feeling but you need to believe in hope. You will get get strong again to deal with whatever happens next. You're going through a lot just now, so don't be too hard on yourself. One step at a time. x

[Tugsgirl in reply to hellokitty33]

Yes I think I just get overwhelmed by it all. One minute I think I'm going to be ok and the next I'm angry and sad and scared. X

[hellokitty33 in reply to Tugsgirl]

You're doing the right - you are talking about it. That's the first step. I want to give you a big hug. Maybe your lovely new bunny will be a comfort to you x

[MonkAK]

Tugsgirl, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Remember that everything is still so fresh and raw and, as time goes on, you will find more and more strength to continue your journey. You will get there in the end. Xxx

[Hidden]

Take care x

[Kelly-03]

This all takes time and you take as long as you need and when your ready again you will know x you will always know you was pregnant because you have your memories so even though the lines are fading your memories won't x x

[IM150]

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Take care of yourself - sending you loads of hugs and support xxx