Our lone egg didn't even fertilise 😪 - Fertility Network UK

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Our lone egg didn't even fertilise 😪

Hannah143 profile image
54 Replies

Thank you all for your kind wishes and support yesterday. It helps to have somewhere safe to turn to. We got the call this morning and unfortunately our little egg didn't even fertilise and wasn't good quality. So it's all over.

We are devastated, both my husband and I have been crying a lot trying to come to terms with what's happened. I feel like this is the end of my fertility journey with my own eggs, this is my body's way of showing me that it's over. I'm finding it hard to get my head round but we have accept the dark reality that there isn't any point throwing more money at this.

We will be taking a few months out to heal ourselves and try to enjoy the next couple of months. It's my 40th in May and I would like to enjoy that before we move forwards with any more treatment. Then I think it's back to Barcelona to try with our 3 frozen donor embies.

We are not giving up yet, we will just need to take a different path to parenthood. Thank you all for your support, it really does help through the dark days.

😘 xxx

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Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143
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54 Replies
Georgina78 profile image
Georgina78

So sorry to hear this Hannah, it's devastating. I hope the little break helps and things look up in the future. Be kind to yourself & enjoy something nice together xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Georgina78

Thank you Georgina78, it sucks. I didn't really expect it to work but always that that glimmer of hope. I thought I'd get to the end of the 2WW and get another BFN, rather than get no harvest at all. That's been so hard to process. Thank you for your kind words xx

sanj76 profile image
sanj76

Awww Hannah I'm so sorry I read this.....words are it enough furvsuch sad news. Your absolutely right in taking time out Hannah, enjoy your 40th next month, and I wish you the world of good in whatever you decide to do from this moment onwards. Always know, we are here though should you need the strength

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to sanj76

Thank you Sanj76, means a lot to have your support. I know I'm not alone. Thank you xx

So sorry to hear this, time out sounds like a plan. Look after yourself xxx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to

Thanks Button-123, yes some time out is needed, I bought myself and lovely bottle of red to open this evening! Thank you xx

vic77 profile image
vic77

So so sorry for you both..just devastating it really is. Give yourself time and have a huge blow out on your birthday..plan something extra special as you so deserve it..sending you so much love and take care xxxx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to vic77

Hey Vic77 thank you, it's so shitty isn't it. Yes! I'm going to ensure that I have a good birthday and will definitely be enjoying some fizz! Thank you xxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5

Awww I'm so sorry to hear this, it's so devastating to do a whole round and feel that it's all for nothing!! Plan something great for your 40th, spoil yourself rotten....you deserve it!! Look after each other, sending you big hugs!xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Cinderella5

Thank you Cinderella5, exactly how I feel, I can't help thinking that they full 450 dose gave me a worse result than longer on the 375, but I need to let that go and look forward. Thank you xx

Tugsgirl profile image
Tugsgirl

Enjoy your break. Enjoy your birthday. Come back fighting stronger than ever 💪🏻💪🏻 The path to motherhood may not be the one you imagined but it's still a path none the less. Wishing you much success with your DE's 🍀 X

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Tugsgirl

Thank you Tusgirl, yes strong like bull haha! Few months off will do me the power of good. I will push forward with my DE plan. Thank you xx

Heregoesthen77 profile image
Heregoesthen77

Hey, I'm so sorry u must be devastated. It sounds like a great idea to take a break both physically and mentally. Something like planning your bday is great distraction. And will get you ready for next trip to Barca! This is a divot in the road it just means changing direction a little for where u want to go. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

Look after yourselves xx

😘

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Heregoesthen77

Thanks Heregoesthen77, yes makes perfect sense in a way it's these moments that define us, I'm going to enjoy my bday and will be back ready to to Spain and defrost my little embies. Thank you xx

Heregoesthen77 profile image
Heregoesthen77 in reply to Hannah143

Xxxx😀🍭🙏🏾

Aleelilook profile image
Aleelilook

I'm so sorry to hear this, be kind to yourself xxxx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Aleelilook

Thank you sweetie xx

Oh Hannah, I'm so sorry to read this. Take your time to heal and recover and try to relax and enjoy your 40th.

I will be wishing you every success when you're ready to try again with your Spanish Frosties. Look after yourself. Xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to

Thank you MrsB76 yes some time out is required. I feel so raw and empty today. Time will be good for me before I make my next plan to head to Barcelona xx

I'm so so sorry to hear you're news. You must be feeling devastated. Hopefully you can both take some time to think of next steps in the meantime as the others have said, have a huge blow out for your special birthday for a pleasant distraction xxxx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to

Hey Dolly_daydream, thank you for your message. Yes we are feeling so broken, just having a quiet weekend with each other and our moggies 😻. Thank you xx

Billiejean01 profile image
Billiejean01

So sorry to hear your news. I think taking sometime out for you both is the best idea, give yourselves time to heal before embarking on your next stage. Thinking of you. Xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Billiejean01

Thanks Billiejean01 yes we need some time to heal and process everything that's happened. We have a couple of months of good things ahead so will focus on making the most of life. Thank you xx

Loopielu profile image
Loopielu

😔 xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Loopielu

Thank you xx

baby2016 profile image
baby2016

Hannah143, I am so sorry to read this and my thoughts go out to you and your husband. If it helps Although I managed to get to transfer with my lone embryo I just know it never progressed past day 3 as had zero symptoms at all and felt like my 2ww of torture was for nothing and gave discussed often this last week with my husband that it would have been easier to try and take it to day 5 to see if it survived and if not then as much as it would still have been upsetting then at least I'd not had to go through the 2ww and mental torture. Which ever way, this world can be so cruel at times to the people who don't deserve it. Brilliant news re you 3 FE, and lease you now have these safely stored for when your ready to go again. Sending you a huge hug xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to baby2016

Hey baby2016, thank you for your kind message. We've talked about the sad thing, it's torture isn't it one is just slower with a glimmer of hope that you hold on to but the outcome is the same. Sending you big hugs too 🤗 , sucks.

We have definitely got to the end of the road with our own eggs. When we are ready we will look forwards and go back out to Spain to defrost our Frozen embies. Thank you xxx

anna0908 profile image
anna0908

So sorry to hear this. My last cycle was similar- only one mature egg collected, and I too feel it was my body telling my that I have to give up on the hope of getting pregnant with my own eggs. I feel hopeful that DE may be the answer to our dreams of parenthood, but am grieving alongside that we will never have that genetic mix of both of us. However, I do feel at peace that we could of done no more, and a rubbish cycle did help me come to terms with DE being our only realistic option. I hope you can feel this too and hopefully we will both be celebrating our DE pregnancies in the near future xxx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to anna0908

Hey anna0908, so sorry your journey has been just as cruel. It's so bloody hard isn't it! I'm the same as you, I think the end of my own fertility journey is upon us and we must now move forward with the DE route.

I know what you mean about grieving, I do feel like a little bit of my soul has died today. Like I've failed as a woman. But yes, just like you I can look back and know I've done everything I can.

Yes, here's to the future 😘 xxx

emu2016 profile image
emu2016

Hello Hannah, sending you lots of hugs.

I met a lady today who had two children through DE conception. She was amazing.

Right now? Cry. Don't worry about crying or crying over the craziest things. Take time out and plan your 40th and make it amazing! X

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to emu2016

Thank you emu2016, yes I need to let it all out and let my body heal. Then we can look forward down our donor egg journey. Thank you xxx

CountryCat profile image
CountryCat

Very sorry - a massive blow and such sad news! Was hoping you would get a different outcome.

Turning 40 is worthy of celebration and I hope you will be able to take some time out to enjoy this most special of birthdays.

I feel very sad for both you and your hubby...be kind to each other xxx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to CountryCat

Thank you countryCat, I've had a very teary weekend but trying to look forward and remain positive that we have other options.

It's funny i feel and look pretty young and definitely young at heart so it's hard to get my head round that our bodies just can't do what we want them to do! Annoying!

Xx

katya38 profile image
katya38

So sorry to hear this hannah. Its so tough. Take care think waiting and enjoying your 40 th is a good idea xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to katya38

Thank you Katya38, I think a few months of good times ahead will help me refocus and get back on the bus! Xx

Leesalou profile image
Leesalou

Really sorry to read this,

They say life starts at 40, big Hugs 🤗 take care of your self xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Leesalou

Thank you Leesalou, ha! Yes they do! Let's hope that irony rings true 😘 thank you xx

I'm sorry to hear your sad news. Sending hugs xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie

Thank you Lizzielizzielizzie 😘 xxx

Sunshine09 profile image
Sunshine09

So sorry to here this, thinking of you xx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Sunshine09

Thank you Lesno3, the tough weekend is now over, it's gets easier every day from here on in xxx

Sunshine09 profile image
Sunshine09 in reply to Hannah143

Defo a tough weekend!! But I always believe a tough woman cries dry's her eyes then gets back up fighting again, don't give up on your dream.❤️🌈💋💋

Sez73 profile image
Sez73

So sad to read your post Han, I'm very sorry for my late reply, battling flu here & only just read post. I know that feeling only too well when you feel the time starting to creep in telling you that your body isn't going to play ball. Not only through repeated ivf attempts and fails, but also trying naturally each month. It can be soul destroying & a little bit of you breaks each time. With each failed month I've found it's making things a bit clearer that I know my body has fought a good battle against endometriosis, but trying to make a little baby has been a step too far. While it's horrid to come to terms with that reality it is actually beginning to bring some calmness to what has been a frantic life for 6 years trying to conceive. I got my period today after convincing myself I may be lucky this month & weirdly, although very disappointed, a sort of calm inevitability hit me where a little voice kind of went 'you did your very best' & I don't feel it's giving up by now turning attention to donor eggs but more like starting afresh on a new road, just a different route to what hopefully will result in a lovely family for you. I know how hard this time is, how demoralising it can be, be so proud of yourself for your non stop belief and endurance as those qualities are not seen in a lot of people these days. Things will be very raw, but a new path waits for you when you're ready to take it. Be kind to yourself, enjoy your birthday and come back fighting when you're ready and I wish you all the very very best in the coming months. Love Sx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Sez73

Thank you Sez73, yeah it's punchy isn't it, it eats your soul. I'm definitely a different person to the one who started trying for a family 3 years ago. You're right one thing I've always been surprised with is the teeth grinding determination that sets in, and you pick yourself up time and time again.

I like the vision of a new path waiting for me when I am ready, that's really nice.

I'm sorry to hear of all your struggles along the way too. Sending you big hugs 🤗.

Thank you for your kind message

Xx

Sez73 profile image
Sez73 in reply to Hannah143

Big hugs right back at ya! Thinking of you Sxx😘

I'm so sorry and wish you the very best with the de frozen embryos. Sometimes it does us the world of good to have a break from the world of fertility. Hope you enjoy your birthday. X

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to

Thank you Jess1981, yes you're right. It's managing the panic and instinct to get on with it as fast as possible with the reality of actually needing a break for your own sanity!! A few months off will do me good and the DE are not getting any older which is a good thought 🌠. Thanks for your message xxx

Ditsy21 profile image
Ditsy21

So sorry to hear this. It so devastating when you don't get as far as you have previously. You're right to give yourself some time to process it. I think the constant changes in emotions makes us all very skilled at moving through the cycle of grief. You know yourself better than anyone and will know when you feel it's right to move forward to more treatment. Big hugs. x

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Ditsy21

Hey Ditsy21 yeah it felt like a massive kick in the guts. I was trying to explain how I feel to a girlfriend over the weekend and grief is the right word, it's a painful empty drain on your world. I've done a lot of crying this weekend and am up heading into work with my game face on! Today would have been our transfer day 3 day so instead I'm going to a hardcore spin class! Thank you for your message xx

Beanme profile image
Beanme

So sorry to hear this. Sending you big hugs xxxx

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to Beanme

Hi Beanme thank you for your message xx

ChristinaS profile image
ChristinaS

Hello! This happened to me, and a friend of mine as well on our first cycles (nothing to transfer). We both had good cycles afterwards (lots of blasts), she just gave birth, and I am 9 weeks. Best of luck, I understand how dark the days feel, take time, and have hope.

Hannah143 profile image
Hannah143 in reply to ChristinaS

Hi ChristineS, thanks for your message and congratulations to you and your friend.

This wasn't my first cycle it was my 6th, if it was my first I would have found the money to go again. We have already spent +£20k and the last cycle was so poor I'm not going to spend another £7k to find out if it's a one off. It's such low odds and I can't keep putting myself through the heartache, it's been a very long 3 years. I think my journey with my own eggs is now over xxx

72cloud9 profile image
72cloud9

So sorry to hear this Hun, sending hugs xxx

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