I look needy if I like. Or like I don't care if I don't.
Social media is a curse.
My closest friends who know what journey I'm on also have children. It's the curse of their every post being about their child. Their journey.
And I feel so guilty even writing this. Because some of them have been on equally sad and hard journeys. But bloody hell. It hurts as I pass a picture of a child with yoghurt all over their face, the floor and their dad. Or that image of them holding a teeny tiny hand as their baby sleeps. All those things I fear I'm losing the chance of.
Just of late it's become harder to 'like' these pictures. Not because I'm insanely jealous. Sure, I fear I'll never get those feelings. But mostly I'm fearful that if I like the pictures that it sends a message: "Oh look she's liking them because she's desperate for her own child. Shame." Then if I don't like them I'm frightened someone will ask me why I'm not liking them. "Is it an issue".
I appreciate about 90% of this is in my own head. Also, I've gone cold turkey. I'm on Day 4. Of not googling. I swear I'm waking up in sweats in the morning for going all night without it. It's making my mind go crazy in other ways.
But social media is cruel. This is the only place I feel safe at the moment!
I've another classic story from Facebook, happened just after I found out that donor egg IVF was likely to be our only option. I'll save that post for when I've lost it again in a week or so.
Feel free to like this when you've read. If you don't, I'll worry you don't like me. Obvs. xx
Written by
emu2016
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Haha 😂 I spend hours on google when I'm lying in bed wide awake while the rest of the world dreams sweetly ☹️ id love you go without my phone /iPad to bed, ban them from the room I've not had a tv in my bedroom for 15 years for that reason I think your mind never gets time to rest and chill out x with the fb stuff I'm no help because we haven't shared our struggle with anyone so I don't get hung up on what I think fb friends are thinking
Googling for you right now will keep coming. Don't be too hard on yourself about that. Do ask me questions if you want though. And I know you haven't shared... but my BFF (IVF mum, amazing blogger about her and her baby) is my absolute rock xx
Haha! love this and all so true. But to be honest, the 'pefect' people won't even give us minions a second thought whether we've liked the pic or not! But everything you've said are the exact thoughts that have been going through my head in the last few years. We're all crazy really as instead of protecting ourselves we create more torture for ourselves! And like you sat this forum becomes the 'safe' place to come too, just a pity we can't all sit and chat in person! xx
After going through what I have in the last 2 yrs if my dream ever comes ture I swear I will never become one of those ppl who share there daily kids update on.social media. I think it should be kept private and only shared with those who will.truly want to see pics so close friends who are not childless and going through fertility issues and family, I'm sure there will be times when you want to see pics of your friends babies but this should be on your terms when you meet up for a coffee or something. I honestly find the best thing is to simply avoid social media for a few days I promise you will feel so much better for it you won't be missing out on anything and you need to put yourself and your feeling first. No body will care if your not posting or liking pics and if something was said you just say your taking a break from social media, you can't like something if your not seeing the pic's. I also don't think it's very healthy for us because ppl often only share the best bits of their lives and all of this portrays an idealistic view of what we think our lives should be like when in reality you don't always know what is really happening in other ppl lives. Xxx
I too aspire to never be a serial poster mum! But when I speak to friends who have been through the same rough patches and they post (not to the extent of some) they reply that they feel they deserve it; they're just more thoughtful about it.
I'd love to avoid social media. In my job I oversee social media as one of my areas! 😂 X
Oh I'm sorry not great advice then. It's a totally crappie situation and I get how new mums want to show off their babies to the world it's just hurtful sometimes because we are so sensitive all the time and sometimes I'm having a good day and I'm thinking off something none baby related and then bam someone announces another pregnancy on fb and I just think I was doing well for a while there and now I'm starting at this pic and my own reality is all too clear 😐anyways we are all in the same boat and we have to hope that our time will come xxx
This is one the of the reasons I recently gave up on my Facebook account. For my own sanity I figure that people who are actually meant to be in life can find another way to communicate with me and vice versa. It's not for everyone I get that but I'm seeing how it goes.
As nmill said it's also about the 'perfect' life we always see and that too hurts when going through fertility. We see friends post all the best bits about their children, they never post about their own tears, troubles, worries and fears just like we don't post about our own.
Social media like you say is a curse it can be really damaging for anyone suffering.
Anyway just know you are not alone in these thoughts and it's not bad to get upset it's only natural, we are going through the hardest journeys that only a small number of people understand.
I find it better to just not go on Facebook much & i don't mind saying that to people. If we are honest, other people's kids are boring! Looking at photos on Facebook solves nothing for us & makes us feel worse. Don't feel bad about giving it and the likes a wide birth. I too feel more comfortable here at the moment.
It helps me to remember that people only put up a version of their 'best self' on social media. So what you see on Facebook is never the whole story and can often not be real.
Ha ha! I haven't even gone there yet. Well actually I set up an account linked to fb and then realised it would have the same crowd & obligation as on there, so going to set up a new one so i can follow other stuff nothing to do with friends and kids!
As many of the others have said, I've given up Facebook this year too. Actually not because of the dilemmas you describe (although I understand EXACTLY what you mean!), just because I realised I was spending too much time on it and would rather live in the real world than in the "fakebook" world when everyone only posts about the great stuff in their life.
I thought I'd have withdrawal symptoms as I spent waaaaay too much time on it, but I eased myself off with instagram and now hardly touch that either. I am of course following here now instead of course but I see this page as a kind of therapy in a way as everyone is so supportive and facing such similar challenges.
That's just my choice though and I get that Facebook is a brilliant way of staying in contact with people in our busy lives. I think the most important thing is to like the Ines you want to like and ignore the Ines you don't. At the end of the day does it really matter what people think? Those who are really your friends won't be judging you at all and those who are more distant probably won't give a second thought to your reasons behind liking or not anyway.
Sorry for the long post! Hope you're ok and not worrying about it all too much. Xx
I think people post too much now about there babies and children, I tend to stay off it now as much as I can, seeing endless pictures of friends and families babies at oh 1 week old today!!! Oh 2 weeks old today, Oh 1 month old today!!! Whit the heck is that all about !!! lol there's my rant!! If I succeed and positive to think I defo will🌈 I will never do that on social media!! As I no there are people out there who would feel exactly how we all do, good luck in your journey ❤🌈💋
Have to agree with a lot of the posts here, they ring so true. I gave up Facebook completely 3.5 years ago...best decision I ever made. The extent of the one upmanship has reached ludicrous proportions and as many of you have said, whose life is so rivetingly exciting that every detail must be divulged on FB!?? No one's. We all have good moments and bad moments, times of grief and introspection, times of joy and celebration, 'blagh' days and stupendous days that we'll never forget. Part of being in the human race, but if one is to believe FB, a few select people get perfect lives...really? I don't think so.
I get a bit annoyed with my SIL (who is lucky enough to have two kids under the age of 7, both conceived each time they tried), as she works part-time and when they get back from school, all she does is sit on Facebook, texting her friends and 'liking' posts. How about stimulating how kids with a bit of play, or even some cuddles for them? Oi vay!
Anyhow, with all the crazies out there these days, being a bit circumspect about what pics of your children make it onto social media platforms is probably not a bad idea.
And no...if we are lucky enough to ever hold a baby of our own, I will also not turn into Smug McSmugface and post about him/her endlessly. We have all been on the other side and it sucks.
I barely post anything on facebook, and as a result if anyone was ever to ask why I haven't liked their 476th photo this month of their new baby (I 'm unfortunately not even joking - my friend has a baby 6 months old and there are over 4000 photos of it on facebook) I can honestly say I barely check it anymore. But as others have said, I doubt these people even give us a second thought.
I don't get the "deserving it" thing. We all deserve pregnancy and a baby but I completely fail to see how that relates at all to having to constantly post and get validation from other people on social media. When my baby arrives I certainly won't be posting anything on facebook and part of that is because I remember how it feels, and know lots of my friends are still struggling and get upset by those sorts of things, but also I really do think children have a right to a certain amount of privacy and we shouldn't be plastering pictures and information of them all over social media anyway.
Hi emu2016.My mentor and professional friend calls it 'fakebook'. No one really posts the real truth about their lives and that is okay. As long as you are in awareness of this. If your feeling all those thoughts about other people ask quality questions like 'where is this coming from?'. I hope that helps. Im here if you wanna chat anytime. Lots of love. M xxx
Completely understand what u r saying. Like a few girls said already I think most parents posting their kids pics on FB are to absorbed in that in itself to really notice whether we like or not like but I think we can't help but get a little paranoid about how we respond in any 'kiddy' given situation in case the friends that 'know' are analysing us and our reactions!!
Reading all this tho, wondering whether I should take a break from FB and the 'perfect'lives!! It can really get you down....having said that I even know friends with kids who have taken a break from FB as other people's posts of their perfect lives has affected them so I guess it gets to everyone at some time
Aw hun, I totally understand. I've come off social media as the never ending flurry of babies and families does not put me in a healthy place. Would much rather be here where we can be free, open, honest about our feelings and understood by others in the same boat. I'm sure your friends don't give a second thought to your "likes" of their pics and if they're true friends then they will at least try to understand whatever you do.
Good luck with it though lovely and with your journey Xx 😊
Fb, and any social media, and tv adverts everywhere I look there's baby stuff advertised, or friends/family baby's photos, i don't watch soaps on tv and anything I do watch I record as I can't deal with adverts, when my fb is cluttered with a baby stuff I hide it, I've taken myself off it for weeks as it was depressing me badly, I'm better now but that's mainly because I've filtered what I see, say Sunday (motherday) I'll stay off social media all together xx
You tube is really bad for that and it never lets you skip it, o don't really go on YouTube anymore , like really out of all the adverts you can pick you choose that one why thanks!! Xx
I don't google but Facebook is hard, I've had to unfollow so many people as more and more of friends are becoming pregnant and it feels like it's in my face that I haven't got that and I'm longing for it, this journey is hard and we need to stick together and be there for one another xx
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Feeling like I failed
And just like that, it’s over
Can it be? What does this look like?
Feeling like I don't belong 
Don't feel like I can do this anymore 
