Struggling today

[lauren3189]

Really struggling emotionally today. Someone I know has just had a baby, my best friend is pregnant so I get daily updates. I feel so down about it at the minute sometimes I can shut it out but I am really struggling today. How do you ladies cope x

[Tugsgirl]

You just do. It isn't easy and some days will be harder than others. Just take it one day at a time. Remember your feelings are completely normal x

[lauren3189 in reply to Tugsgirl]

thank you x

[Amanda86]

Hey Lauren,

It's tough isn't it. And I'm sure all of us on here can relate to how your feeling.

Is your friend aware of your situation regarding treatment? It could be an idea to speak with her and maybe say that although your happy for her it's hard for you to hear about the pregnancy all the time?

I know how tough it is. My 2 sisters and myself were all pregnanct at the same time although sadly I had a miscarriage. My sisters both went on to have their lovely baby boys. I found that difficult. My sisters both dealt with it so differently. One sister felt bad showing me scans and things whereas the other I felt just spoke about her pregnancy as if nothing had happened to me? Eventually I had to speak with my sister who was going on about it because although I was happy for her it was hard for me.

Another friend is now pregnant with her second pregnancy and we started trying before she did. Again it's hard but basically what I'm trying to do is just shut it out. Sounds awful but that's how I cope. I'm off all social media so I don't have to see pregnancy updates and things.

God is sounding pathetic here like I shut myself off from everything which I do lol but for me it's just the way I deal.

Everyone here is so supportive so whenever you need to rant or chat or anything we'll all be here to support you! 😊 xxx

[lauren3189 in reply to Amanda86]

thank you

yes she knows, i think with it being her first baby she is just so excited which is great but obviously stresses me out massively

i keep telling myself i will feel better when we start as at least then we have tried something, at the minute it is just the waiting game x

[Amanda86 in reply to lauren3189]

She will be excited and unfortunately nobody truly understands what the struggle is like for us unless they've been through the same.

Once treatment starts you'll feel excited and you kind of forget about everything else for that time and focus on you.

Just take each day as it comes and remember although it's harder for us to have our dreams they can and will come true. It just takes that bit longer for us.

This is a very tough process but honestly it makes you so much stronger. Xxx

[lauren3189 in reply to Amanda86]

thank you

i feel like it is a long road ahead but i will definately feel better once it all starts xxx

[Leesalou]

Hi Lauren

It's crap isn't it and it doesn't seem to get much better, some days are good and some are crap,

I always shut myself away from the talk or any message of it, I don't watch soaps because of it either,

I've got lot better coping with it since I've been told I can only conceive through ivf,

But it still doesn't stop all the what ifs and when's etc, and all the stupid questions.

I also take my self and my dog on long walks to escape it,

Hope you feel yourself soon and your not alone, xx

[lauren3189 in reply to Leesalou]

thanks for sharing this

it does feel horrendous sometimes

it definitely conjures up so may emotions. xx

[Leesalou in reply to lauren3189]

It sure does, I've found those site helps loads as you can off load and get answers,

Where along your journey are you if you don't mind me asking cx

[lauren3189 in reply to Leesalou]

we have been trying for 6 years and so now we are at the start of the ivf journey.

The issue is with my OH so will be looking into that and then go from there. It's a lot to take in really

How about you xx

[Leesalou in reply to lauren3189]

Prob over 10 years in total, 1 failed ivf Then I gave up for 6 years as couldn't emotionally cope, then decided I really wanted this and tried again, further investigation led to me having one tube removed, and then my remaining one now clipped due to hydrosalpinx , had lots of test done and then redone due to being lost. Now waiting to have a blood test on 24th to see if my rubella vaccination has worked, which I get the results on 27th then I get my start date for my 2nd cycle,

It's a hard long struggle but I'm hoping this time be 2nd time lucky, I'm hoping to start mid April xx

[Rainbow_86]

Hi Lauren just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling today. It's hard to shield yourself from the hurt of hearing pregnancy announcements as happy as it is to share other people's news, it is a harsh reminder of your own personal struggles. It can be hard to put on a brave face, but I think alot of us probably cry behind closed doors. I know I do. Sending you the strength to get through today and hope tomorrow is a more positive day for you xxxxxx

[Hidden]

I have no idea how any of us cope we just sort of do. I wish I had some tips. I'm struggling badly at the moment but just sort of muddle through it.

Hope you start feeling a bit better soon xx

[Hidden]

It's hard, but as other ladies have said you just do.

I found not bottling up your feelings and allowing yourself to feel however you feel without judgement! I was starting to feel guilty for having these feelings towards people for getting pregnant and having babies! But I shouldn't of done, my feelings are valid no matter what!

Maybe have a little chat with your friend. I'm sure she would be mortified if she knew she was causing you upset! Women who haven't been on this journey just don't understand, and to be honest why should they! I wouldn't want anyone to feel the way I do. The guilt I feel not being able to give my husband a child, the failure I feel.

But we battle on, stronger for it and when the day comes we get our little miracles, it's going to make this whole journey worth while and we will all be better mummy's and daddy's because of it xx

Big hugs xxx

[Oakey80]

Hi Lauren3189,

It's true, we've all been in that position at some point or another and what you're feeling is 100% normal!

I used to get really upset when friends or family announced they were pregnant and found my solice generally at the bottom of a wine bottle! We've been ttc so long now (4.5yrs) they've all had their families so thankfully announcements are few and far between (I think the last one was 18mths ago)...

I suppose one thought that got me through the dark days is that no one has 100% what they want in life. Those picture perfect families you see have their own crosses to bear (no money/health/marital problems etc)...my friends used to be jealous of me and my life as I was off here, there and everywhere doing amazing things whilst they were stuck at home bored...infertility is just my cross to bear, my imperfection. So I just concentrated on what was good about my life and what was in my control to make better.

Not sure if this helps or not as I know it's a slightly different take than a lot of people...I thought a couple of times as to whether I'd share it or not, but at the end of the day it's helped me be ok being surrounded by pregnant people at work/in the street/on tv. I genuinely don't think twice about them now.

Xx

[Krikri]

I know exactly how you're feeling dear and totally relate to it. I just let my tears flow if they have to... then just do and move on. But it's not always easy I must admit. The worst is to see all the babies' pictures on my friends' facebook.

It hit me really hard when my 6-year-younger brother called to tell me that his wife was expecting and the following day, one of my very good friends announced to me too.

Let's hope that our time will also be soon!

Loads of love!

[lauren3189]

thanks for all your positive replies, it means a lot to know my feelings are normal and to be expected xx

[MommaBear16]

Sending love Lauren. Some days it's really hard. We are obviously happy for those we love but it's so completely unfair and it makes it difficult to even tolerate some days. Bleugh. Just know that your feelings are completely natural and that we all understand. We'll get there lovely, all the bestest babies are the longest in the making x x x

[lauren3189 in reply to MommaBear16]

Thank you MommaBear16 will see how today goes. It is great to talk to all of you who are in the same mind set or have been xxx

[emu2016]

I don't know how we cope. I think we just do. I get angry if I'm treated normal and angry if I'm getting special treatment. Some days I want to scream and others I don't. I think sometimes you can numb yourself to it. It builds up and then I cry - a lot. My advice would be to cry when you need to and don't be hard on yourself xx

[lauren3189 in reply to emu2016]

Thank you, this makes sense

sometimes i feel bad for getting upset but i guess goign with how i feel is all part of it xx

[Kelly-03]

Hi, it is very difficult but we are stronger than we think and keep hope because one day hopefully it will be your time xx