It's official my 4th round of clomid has failed 😭😭😭

Hi ladies.

Having stopped bleeding from Tuesday morning-my period is in full flow this morning.

I am heartbroken 😭

I felt we done everything we could. But still it's not enough.

Does anyone have any useful suggestions what we can do to conceive? I'm on the low GI diet, I take ferrous sulphate, folic acid, cod liver oil. I don't drink when we are trying-we both don't smoke. We are trying every other day -from day 10-22 as advised by consultant. We use cups to as well having intercourse.

I am struggling to remain positive- 5 years and 5 months and nothing.

I am terrified that we will never have a baby of own. The way I feel about the clomid I don't see it working.

Yes we have an appointment in march to discuss it further-but what's the point nothing works.

My husband sperm analysis was done 4 years ago-since then he's been comfort eating and gained lots of weight. I love him regardless-but I do worry this is maybe why I can't fall. Should I insist the clinic look at his sperm before taking anymore clomid? If the sperm isn't ok-is there any point in me putting us through this?

How you cope with failed treatment and keep going? I am on my knees -I seriously am considering giving us and getting on with my life. All this has done has caused me heartache and pain and I have nothing to show for it. Those close to me are worried about my emotional state-it's not good. It's eating away at me and I feel depressed-I was such a happy go lucky person before this.

How many times can I feel this pain and keep coming back for more? When do I say enough is enough? It's been too long and I have no fight left in me.

Sorry for rambling -I needed to get it off my chest.

Lots of love to you all -thank you being there for me ❀️

20 Replies

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  • Hello Jess.

    Only you and your husband can decide when enough is enough as that choice ultimately comes down to you and your husbands feelings.

    Do you both attend counselling? I really think that clinics should ensure patients have correct support and counselling as it such a gruelling and challenging journey ..

    would you or your husband consider counselling to try and help your mental state and emotional state of mind at the moment ?

    Have a break over Christmas and try and enjoy it with your husband .. (easier said than done I know) .. and start the new year with a break and maybe a few days away from your home and your journey to spend some time with your husband ..

    Here if you need a chat xxx

  • Got a stinking cold-feel hormonal- disappointment of the period-and I don't even want to celebrate Christmas. Nothing to feel happy about. I Intend to get steaming drunk to survive it-it's not I wanted it to be-I wanted to be sober pregnant and happy. 😭

    I feel like I'm terrible burden on those close to me-it's not fair on them,

    Each fail is getting harder-I just don't see a happy ending,

    My husband is like so positive-says 2017 will be our year-I have no hope left. i want to give up-but he isn't so keen-then I feel guilty so I agree to keep trying. I feel if I don't I'm letting him down. He says I can't make these decisions when I'm upset.

    But all I want is to be happy again-with this over me happiness isn't possible. I have so many wonderful things in my life-this isn't one of them.

    You don't need to involve yourself in my rubbish-you have more important things going on for you. You need to focus on you. I am so happy it worked for you-you enjoy it you deserve it πŸ’•X

  • Hey don't say I don't need to get involved with your story and journey .. that's what I'm here for to help others 😘 . Your most certainly not a failure or a burden on anyone .. that's the natural emotion to feel during fertility treatments and journeys.. your husband is right it is hard to make a decision when your feeling broken and upset . When you have calmed down a little both sit down and have a good long heart to heart and see where you both want to go from here xx

  • Thank you for understanding.

    It's a combination of things-the fact I thought this month i had fallen-had swollen boobs and nausea-the fact the clinic forced me to do a pregnancy test which of course was negative-no matter how many negatives I have seen it still hurts-the fact the consultant wouldn't agree to up my dose-so I tested for nothing. The fact the spotting only happened Tuesday and sudddnly stopped-made me feel I had a chance-I was excited and I felt a rush of hope-it was a nice dream while it lasted-it's always out of my reach, It dosent matter how hard I try-whatever I do is never enough. I think if the clinic changed my dose-I'd feel more positive-I should've upped the dose myself and "lost" my pills.

    No doubt I'll pick myself up-how many more times I can keep doing this I don't know. One day I'll say fuck it enough. Excuse my french.

    I'll see how I feel tomorrow/-better than this I hope.

    How did you manage to keep going?

    X

  • My family and husband didn't let me give up .. This year in February I lost my nanna to cancer and my nanna told me right from the beginning of my fertility journey I was on the bottom step but eventually I will be at the very top.. I didn't believe her.. but my nanna was a very smart and wise lady and was right when my nanna passed away in February I didn't want to carry on but kept thinking what would my nanna be saying to me..

    Think maybe need to take it further with consultant and don't be afraid to complain to them that the dosage isn't working for you!.. tell them you want to try a higher dosage I had to really argue with my consultant to get somewhere with them , they didn't like it but what had to be done had to be done!!.. what your feeling now is to be expected.. and it's so easy to turn to the alcohol.. but what I've learnt from when I turned to the booze was alcohol is a depressant so will make you feel better for a while but when your on the come down it will make you feel worse . Please be careful with tablets and alcohol mixed .. not trying to order you around as that's not my intention .. just want to advise the best I can xx

  • I appreciate the concern and it probably isn't advisable to drink on clomid-I get what you are saying and it's kind of you to show concetn.

    But it's Christmas and I want to try to enjoy it with my family and I will have a few drinks.

    Yeah when I get my period the bottle of wine is the only thing that helps ease my pain.

    I allow myself one day when the period comes to feel like crap-and to indulge myself with wine-the next day I move on. This month has been particularly bad-I am usually better at coping than that. I think it's a few factors that played a part.

    I tried to get the consultant to up my dose-he refused it. I'm on 100mg already and he thinks the side effects will be worse. I have to respect his medical opinion-he knows what is talking about more than I do-he is the expert. I have to trust his opinion-even if I didn't like it. To be honest the side effects I'm getting on only 100mg are pretty awful. He is right unfortunately!

    We have an appointment in march to see what is next-I might see if there are other options before IVF -even if it means paying. As a last resort we have said we would do a round of IVF-my mum has offered to help pay-but I won't do it till my husband has lost the weight and is healthier-we have to know we did our very best or there is no point. At least I have a plan b to fall back on 😊 I am lucky to have a plan b 😘

    I have told myself I will expect clomid will fail and we will move forward to plan b maybe then I'll deal better with it -I hope.

    Have a wonderful Christmas and thank you for all the support you have given me x πŸ’•

  • Yes enjoy Christmas . With your husband and your family.. start a fresh with 2017. I too indulge myself when a period arrives as when they do I can't leave the flat .. they are that horrendous.. See how you feel in the new year as what you feel now may be different to say January or February .

    Your welcome that's what I'm here for you helped me enough xx

  • Hi Jess,

    I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting so much and I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better. I'm thinking of you and hope that you are able to have some time over the Christmas/new year holidays when the lack of pregnancy isn't all consuming. Sometimes we have to fake it until we can make it. Infertility is so hard emotionally.

    As others have suggested perhaps try to access some counselling via your GP or college.

  • Thanks pm27 for such a lovely reply- yesterday I didn't want to celebrate Christmas at all- but today it is a little less raw and I know in time I will feel stronger again.

    We are spending Christmas at my parents which is quite nice-I'm sure we will have a nice day. Sure a few glasses of vino will help!

    Now period is here I can focus on plan b- we are booked to see our consultant in march to discuss things further should the clomid fail. I may ask if there other options we can try before IVF-even if it means paying. We have said we would do one round of IVF as a last resort-my mum has offered to help us pay. If that fails we are done. I think that is a point when I will say enough is enough. It's already taken nearly 5 and a half years of my life with nothing to show for it. 😱

    I hope that you are ok-it's such a hard time of year for most of us here. Really highlights our loss.

    But I hope you too have a nice Christmas and enjoy the break.

    X

  • I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. It's normal to have down days after another disappointment.

    Enjoy Christmas with your husband, son and parents. πŸ·πŸŽ„πŸ·πŸŽ„πŸ·πŸŽ„πŸ·πŸŽ„

  • Aw Jess so sorry it hasn't worked, I feel your pain after 3 ivf attempts it is hard to pick yourself up and carry on. I try and book things to look forward to as a boost a manicure, theatre trip, holiday or night away, meal at fav restaurant etc. We start again after Xmas with DE so hoping we have better luck. We are all here for you πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

  • So sorry you have suffered 3 unsuccessful IVF attempts-that is heartbreaking to hear.

    My husband brought me a spa voucher for my birthday last month-I think I'll give myself a treat-what a spendid idea!

    I hope you manage to have a nice Christmas-such a tough time of year for most of us here-highlights what we haven't got.

    But with de IVF in the new year will give you something positive to focus on. πŸ’•Wishing you a big fat positive test ❀️

    I have got a plan b if all else fails- we have an appointment in march to see our consultant and I will ask if there any other treatment we could do before IVF -even if it meant paying. My mum had offered to help to pay for a round of IVF -we won't get IVF funding as I have a 18 year old son which I am grateful for but still want a child with my husband who has no children πŸ˜­πŸ‘ŽπŸ» It helps having a plan.

    X

  • Really sorry to hear this jess. You are so brave going through all this for so long. Sounds like you need a good rest over Christmas and time away from the stress. Take care of yourself xxx

  • Thank you-think I must be mad to still be on this journey but until we exhaust all options are explored we cannot give up.

    We are seeing our consultant in march should clomid fail- I might ask what other options are available even if it meant being a private patient-should the worst come to worst my mum has said she will help fund a cycle of IVF and if that doesn't work I think we will give up. There has to be point where enough is enough.

    Today it is feeling les raw and I'm sure in time I'll get stronger and keep going,

    We are spending Christmas at parents sure we will have a nice day and put it behind us that day.

    Brilliant news about your adoption-if treatment fails this something me and my husband would definitely consider-I think it's a wonderful thing to do.

    Hope you have a nice Christmas and thanks for being there

    X

  • Thank you. I guess you've just got to do what you feel is right for you. You ll know when you've had enough. Adoption feels right for us also my egg count was so low our only hope was egg donation but that wasn't for me xx

  • The combination of Christmas and Clomid isn't going to be making anything easier- be kind to yourself and as others have said, a session of counselling might help. I know a very good counsellor who specializes in fertility issues and conducts sessions over Skype- if you want her details I'll send them to you.

  • Thank you I am feeling a bit better today. Am focusing on plan b-which is seeing our consultant in march to review the situation- will ask what all the options are before embarking on IVF even if it meant paying-we can't access NHS funding for IVF so my mum has offered to help us pay for one round of IVF. At least I have back up options-I am convinced clomid will not give me a baby.

    I knew last month taking clomid was risky-I calculated my period being due near Christmas would either be the best Christmas present or the worst timing for a period-not that anytime is good. But I was worried that if I didn't take it the clomid the following month wouldn't be in my system and be less effective. It was no win situation ☹️

    Thanks for the kind reply it is appreciated.

    I hope you have a lovely Christmas x

  • Hi Jess,

    Sorry to hear the clomid is not working for you so far. I think everyone has different coping strategies, as negative as it sounds I focused on what if I don't have children? and started planning my life/ goals and realised there is a life beyond this fertility malarkey, but that didn't help every month. I just found I coped also if I had dates for the next option. I remember when I was on clomid, and every month I felt down when I came on plus I had so many side effects. I took ovulation stimulation for 9 months, and it was a long old journey. I tended to pick myself up again on day 3-4 of the cycle and said lets try again. the sex thing is also a burden, you end up not having enjoyment and it becomes a chore. Just remember your marriage comes first, bear this in mind as it can cause a strain on your relationship. Organise weekends away and trips together if you can, as your bond needs to stay strong. Just remember you have the option of IVF so it's not over for you. xxx

  • Thank you for the sound advice-think it's easy to lose sight of your relationship when going through fertility treatment.

    Luckily my husband and I have become closer during these years and we are a team.

    We had a holiday in Spain before attending our initial appointment with our consultant-it really helped us relax and feel emotionally ready to start treatment.

    I know the sex has become a chore and it's sad. I associate sex with failure. And having to try every other day is hard going and I don't know how you get away from that-as ovulation tests didn't work we have to try every other day or we don't stand a chance.

    The side effects of this drug are grim and I'm not enjoying being on it one bit. I have 2 more rounds to endure before I know it has failed.

    I do have a plan b -which helps. We are booked to see consultant in march and we can discuss other options- I want to know all options are even if it meant paying. As for IVF-we are unable to be funded-but my mum has offered to help us pay for one round.

    I am taking a teaching course at college and volunteer twice a week at school-this is something I decided to do with or without a baby. It is good to have other things non baby related to focus on, It took me a few years but I figured I mattered too-it's not all about the baby I want I am a person in my own right.

    I hope you have a nice Christmas and thank you for your support x

  • Yes it is really easy to lose sight of your relationship with the people you love through fertility treatment.. chlomid is an awful treatment known for the side effects and known for causing people to feel worse but has been shown to be better than Metaformin . 'Ladies I hope you all can try and spend Christmas with your loved ones.. wishing you all the very best for 2017 xxx

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