Bipolar disorder and pregnancy

hello everybody. when I was a little girl i was told i have mental problem, bipolar disorder. i get it from my father, although it revealed only twice during his life. unfortunately, mine is'nt so calm. I faced many difficulties in my life because of it, it's hard to communicate with friends and family without losing them, I can't work as normal people. now i'm 28 and 2 years ago i got pregnant and had a mc, i didn't take my meds due to pregnancy and my mood became awful and i thought about suicide...

when i feel good i realize that i want to have a true family with kids but it's almost impossible to have one naturally, althouh my reproductive system is ok. my dr tells me it's a great risk to try for a baby, moreover kids could also have bipolar. the only chance is surrogacy, i'm not thinking about adoption, i want to have a baby related genetically to mmy husband. when i told my family about this decision, my cousine offered to be a surrogate mother for my child. well, it sounds good and a baby will be more related to me. as far as i understand, if i choose this option i don't need to look for surrogacy only ivf procedure with donor eggs to avoid all the possibilities to have a child with mental disorders.

so my first question is what should we do first? then, if anyone had some mental issues, is it ok to take care of a newborn when it's not always easy to take care of myself? i'm afraid i can do wrong things..please, i need advice.

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  • Hi, I'm so sorry that you have such problem but don't be upset. Everything will be ok. Truly to say I've never had such problems and don't know how it is like but one thing that I want to say is every women deserve a chance to be a mother. Firstly, you have a husnand? I'm asking in case if someone can care too about this child? Also you should find a clinic where you can have all needed options

  • Hello! Thank you for support. I won't wish such a thing even the worst enemy...I'm married, but you know i still don't know how he can be so patient, why he is still with me coz my temper and behaviour sometimes make me want to kill myself. I don't know how to look for a clinic, actually I hate clinics and doctors, i hate everythin'. sorry. maybe you have any ideas?

  • Probably he loves you that's why he supports you . How to look for a clinic, it's easy. You can look through the Internet, find a countries where surrogacy is allowed. Look at prices and conditions if you have problems with the money.

    I was looking for a cheap one and found in Ukraine. Pretty good service and surrogacy options.

  • yes, I guess he does haha

    i tried but there are too much clinics with different offers, some of them very expensive, the others are too cheap in comparison yo the previous ones. The terms are different, then I realized that it's not actually a surrogacy I'm looking for, as there is no need to find a surromother...gosh.

    Thank you, maybe i'll take a closer look to Ukraine if so .

  • Hi, I'm sorry that you have such problem. You know, it's not the time to give up. You should think about bright moments in your life and then evrything will be ok.

    I have the same issue not the mental problem but I have problems with my fertility but I'm full of life and want to try surrogacy. If your saister wants to help you she is willing to do it. Yoy just need to consult some doctors. It's only my opinion, I'm not an expert. Wish you good luck

  • Thank you, I think you are right, it's not the best time to give up even before we started. however, it's very sad that women have these fertility problems, it's unfair. i want to be happy, i want to have my children, why should I suffer then?

  • Yes, that very sad but what we can do. Our nature decides what we will have and we all not insured by tne next day. i hope one day he will understand that you the best person in his life. cheerr up

  • Hi there, I'm sorry I don't have any experience myself with your situation but wanted to offer a few words.

    Your husband loves you and understands that your behaviour at times comes from your condition so that's really positive and if he has no health problems that's going to be a great support to you. Also what your cousin is offering to do is amazing and as a result she will have a special bond with the child as well as with you and your husband, so maybe you could speak to her and see if she could she be involved in supporting too?

    It is possible to have bipolar and be a mum. I read an article about Melinda messenger a while ago who was diagnosed bipolar in adulthood.

    My friend's sister has bipolar and has a boy who is now a teenager. She didn't have a partner and while she was fine at the newborn stage, she did struggle later on juggling the boy's care and everything she goes through with the disorder and in the end her parents (the boy's grandparents) took over his main care, but she is still really involved and a very proud mum and her son is doing very well and is happy. I think the first step is to get as much support as you can around you- people who are keen to help out and understand the challenges your condition brings and also maybe look for some support organisations you can talk to over the phone in confidence?

    I think you should be proud of putting so much thought into this and considering the needs of your future child so don't be too hard on yourself. Most people hate clinics and doctor visits anyway so you're not alone there, but you'll probably have to prepare yourself for a few of these and some paperwork too as there will need to be an official side to it so you are the official mum.

  • Thank you Cmat!

    You're right, my dh is very supportive, positive and very healthy. Funny thing, when we were talking about that surrogacy, he at first was against it cause he thought he should have sex with my sister haha. I know it's wonderful, her offer, but still I'm not sure if it's better to use her as a carrier, I'm not looking for someone who wants to be related to my baby besides my dh. Maybe it sounds selfish but i don't really want everybody to discuss who is more mother of a kid, my sister or me..you see?

    I appreciate you for sharing your friend's experience, it's what i need somehow, to know that women live with this and are moms anyways.

    I think all my relatives support me..i have only one friend amd unfortunately she moved to another coutry, so we now communicate rarely, no more people around me. I know few support organizations but i dunno, it's hard for me to talk to them.

    Thank you once again!!! It was nice to have so many kind words ! xxx

  • Oh honey...i'm so sorry for this this.

    I didn't face mental problems, but I can imagine how tough this must be.

    I've been learning a lot about infertility since the time I started my ttc and know something about surrogacy process and IVF in my last clinic. I've posted my story on this forum so you can read it if it's interesting for you.

    In brief, I ttc over 10 years and 3 years ago my last attempt gave a positive result. Now I remember a lack of support amongst my friends when I decided to post on forums. Those ladies made me feel much better and my hubby became happier too. Now I'd like to support those who need it like me few years ago.

    i'm sure you can find lots of support here.

    But it's been a while since your last visit, maybe you've got any news? What did you decide? IVF or surrogacy? What did your doctor tell you?

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