My mate thinks she's pregnant

Out of my group of friends myself and another friend are the only ones who've not got children. Tonight this one of my friends tells me she thinks she might be pregnant. I've told her to go and buy a Clearblue digital.. she's been ttc naturally for about 10 months now and next month she is booked in for a Laporoscopy.. I've been ttc much longer than her and of course I have one failed IVF now too. I've supported her every step of the way with advice on charting and temping and timing and opks etc etc etc. It's been great to have someone in the same boat. Today I got AF. It still upsets me a bit but I tried to think positive because my period is actually much heavier than normal so I was thinking that maybe my lining was really good this time (my period is usually VERY light) but now I'm in my kitchen crying at the thought that my friend might be pregnant! What's wrong with me??! I should be happy for her 😢😢😢

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20 Replies

  • Awwww honey... I know how you feel. A good friend of mine is due any day now and I am dreading hearing the news.. I think we have to be fair and kind to ourselves only been a month and I know my hormones and emotions been all over the place since bfn. Have a good old cry and let it all out.. tomorrow is another day and you have a plan for your next cycle yes? Keep focussed on your plan not your friends and take lots of care.. hugs xxx

  • I only kinda have a plan. We can't push ahead until I get my results sometime in December so I feel useless doing nothing at the moment. At least we have the money now thanks to Family. This is so so hard and unfair. I never thought it would be this tough xx

  • It is the toughest thing ever.... I have been told to call for 2nd cycle after 2 periods.. what results you waiting on? Xx

  • Miscarriage and implantation failure blood tests X

  • There is nothing wrong with been upset. I cried so many times over my friends pregnancies it natural to be upset. Your been very brave by supporting her, to be honest Tugsgirl I don't really do other ppl babies I find it a struggle. Take care hun hope you feel better soon. X

  • She got a 2-3 weeks on the digital. Thing is she should be about 6. She had her last 'period' bang on time. So as much as I'm upset over it and asking why it can't be me I'm also worried for her because she's been spotting today. She's not even sure why she did an internet cheapie test earlier (before I got her to get the Clearblue). I've told her to run a bath and listen to some chilled music and ring her doctor first thing. But I'm still crying because it isn't me. X

  • I am really that you feel this way but it's perfectly normal even though she's your friend. This process can be so cruel that it brings out a side of you that you may not like.

    It is important that you really look after yourself and ensure that you are physically and emotionally well before thinking about your friend.

    Wishing you all the best hunny x

  • Totally normal to feel this way.if it makes u feel any better, a year or so back, I met me 2 close friend for was pregnant, one not.when I went to order wine, the not pregnant one declined...I looked at her & she nodded & then I knew! I promptly burst in to tears & said now I'm the only one without a baby!!!!

    I had been trying for much longer than them & now their babies are here & I have a miscarriage from clinic and a failed IVF behind me.just doing my last go now. It's really hard being happy for other people when we r this boat! It doesn't make us horrid, it makes us human x

  • That was spouses to say miscarriage from clomid (bloody spell check!!!)

  • Tugs girl your such a good friend ❤️ Supporting her while it tears you up inside is very difficult. I did it for years. I lost one of my best friends sadly when we eventually fell on because we were driven by ttc, it was the heart of the relationship.felt like I betrayed her. It's really nice that your being there for your friend. Wish my friend had stuck around the way you are. Sometimes it's just too hard. I understand that too.

    I really hope it's your time soon and your friends ok ❤️

    Your a good person 🙂

  • Thank you so much. The last thing I feel like is a good friend. So thank you x

  • Your only human Hun. You can't turn off that maternal beacon 😕

    You are a good friend because you have listened to her, you've given her advice and your worried about her. Support comes in many forms.

    My friend literally cut me off for months. I gained the thing I had been striving for so long but also lost something dear to me. But I understand, truth is everytime we got af the other was relieved, I can admit that now. I was terrified about being the only one 😞

    Don't feel guilty about having these feelings.

    Everyone here knows that pain.

    Your supporting your friend in your own way so let us support you on here


  • Thank you that's lovely 😊 x She and I have been friends since we were 5/6 and we're now 36 and 37. We won't lose each other over this x

  • Don't feel bad for having those thoughts-it's normal. When you've been trying for a long time it's so hard seeing others have an easier time.

    Ive been trying for 5 years 3 months-each time my period arrives it's still very difficult-I cry everytime. The more times I get my period the less I believe I'll ever become pregnant. It's heartbreaking isn't it? I think my third cycle of clomid has failed-I had some spotting today which makes me think my period will here. I do know what failed treatment feels like-I know it's not as bad as IVF.

    Are there any tests you can look into to see if there was a reason for it not to work? Is there anything the clinic can do to promote a more successful outcome?

    I don't know why it's so easy for some yet so hard for others. It's truly crap lovely.Maybe our babies are really special and need us to fight harder for them.

    I can see why you'd be upset- it must have been nice to have a friend to go through this with. Must have been nice supporting each other-I'm sure your friend will understand if you tell her whilst happy fur her you are sad you're not pregnant. She'll get it.

    Out of our group no one has had any difficulties having children-we feel like freaks. Coming on here makes me feel less alone.

    Sending lots of postive vibes your way


  • She gets it. I'm the only person out of our group of friends she's told, the only person she's told except her husband. She did say she was sorry for dumping it on me last night especially as she knows I got AF again yesterday but I told her it's not her fault. She doesn't understand what's going on because she'd be about 6 weeks but Clearblue digital is saying 2/3 and she's having red and brown spotting with cramps. She also actually had her period on time last month so she's very confused and needed me. I'm just hoping that if she's pregnant she's not miscarrying. She's seeing the Doctor at 3pm. She's been trying 10/11 months.. I just wish it was my turn..

    I'm waiting for results from miscarriage and implantation failure tests before I can progress with a fet. No other problems have been found with me. I do have a very light period but no one seems to care about that.. this month it seems heavier so I'm grateful for that at least. X

  • It is very tough when you don't have a "valid" reason for the infertility. We had 5 years of "unexplained " and finally due to period issues and several gynaes later found I've got PCO.

    I hope the results come back ok-if not I hope there is a simple solution like meds to take and bobs your uncle! Fertility is such a complex thing. At least by having the tests done you'll feel you have done all you can.

    Your friend sounds amazing. You both have each other's back. My best friend even tho she hasn't been through it she always makes an effort to ask how it's going.

    Glad to hear your period is getting on track-that's really postive. I know what it's like to have cycle issues-luckily my clomid has sorted that side out. Have they measured your lining they see if it's thick enough for implantation? I would also think that would be an issue. Is there any meds they can issue to help with the lining? Would an endo scratch help with the lining prior fet?

    I hope the appointment goes well for your friend.


  • They diagnosed me with pcos at my first appointment at the fertility clinic prior to starting IVF. That was a wow moment. I've always had acne (thank goodness for makeup) and had issues when I was younger with very heavy periods but they've been very light in my thirties. However I am regular and I do ovulate every month. They have got me on Inofolic twice a day. I also took it upon myself to start taking a vitamin d supplement (for the pcos) and L'Arginine to promote blood flow.

    On cd2 they said my lining was a bit thin but was to be expected as it was cd2?! During all of my scans with IVF they said I had a beautiful lining! But I think that was the meds.. I'm not sure now if finally the inofolic and supplements are beginning to pay off or if I'm just heavier after ivf (though technically this is my second bleed, and the one straight after my BFN was normal for me, very light) X

  • And when I say no other problems what I mean is that they don't seem to think the pcos will stop me conceiving (because I ovulate naturally I guess) and I currently have no cysts. I had no blockages with my Hysterosalpinogram either.. I have a good egg reserve for my age. And I now know thanks to IVF that we produce top quality embryos. I don't know if it would be a good or a bad thing if tests do show an underlying issue.. X ps yes they mentioned that I may benefit an endo scratch in the cycle before my fet but I guess it all comes down to the results I get x

  • Update on my friend;

    Her doctor has confirmed the pregnancy and estimated it to be about 7 weeks. She has told my friend that she will be booked in for an early pregnancy scan because of the spotting. If in the meantime she bleeds bright red and heavier she is to go to A and E.

    Obviously I hope she has a healthy bean growing in there. She's my oldest friend and she really is lovely. I am just so depressed today.

  • Another update on my friend; she had ectopic pregnancy. Now I feel even worse. I truly truly feel for her. She is "ok". Good news is that she hasn't lost a tube and now she knows it is at least possible to conceive (her words not mine, but she's right). Bad news is the Laporoscopy has to be postponed and she can't ttc for at least 3 months.

    All in all yesterday was a bad day. Another friend of mine who had got her bfp after IVF No.4; (1 failed cycle and 2 miscarriages on IVF cycles 2 & 3) yesterday morning @ 9 weeks miscarried this one too. Her 4th cycle in all, her 3rd miscarriage. She'd had her FET transfer one day before my fresh transfer. She was a rock during my treatment. I feel so so sorry for my friends and it just goes to show that I should stop feeling sorry for myself. Next time either of them share their good news with me, even if it hurts, I'll focus on being happy for them instead of sad for me!! After all they both want babies as much as me. We all deserve our chance. This is an incredibly hard journey at times for all. Life is not fair.

    I have sent them both bouquets and scented candles as a token to let them know that I am truly sorry for their losses. I truly am x

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