anyone who used or is planning to use donor eggs?

Girls, is there anyone who used or is planning to use donor eggs? What are results? How and where did you find donor? Due to condition of my health de ivf is my last chance to have a baby. It’s so hard for me to decide on this procedure. I want to ask those girls who had already underwent this procedure, how do you feel now? Do you have regrets? What are your feelings toward your baby/babies? Do you have feelings that baby isn’t yours? I’m afraid I won’t be able to love this child.

I asked my sister to be our donor. Unfortunately she refused. I thought that maybe it’ll be easier to take this situation if it’s eggs of my sis. She thinks it will be wrong if we rise her baby. Maybe she’s right…

But what should I do now? I really need to talk to somebody about this. My mind is full of thoughts, doubts and questions. I feel like I’m going crazy( Another question is where is better to do this procedure? Will I be able to choose donor by myself? What about prices? I have no idea where to start. Moreover I’m not sure if I’m ready for this procedure. I hope you will help me to figure it out!

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  • I am just about to book a treatment with donor eggs. We had a failed icsi cycle in august. Only got 1 egg. The nhs wont do another cycle so figure donor eggs is the best chance for a baby. Probably going abroad thinking about cyprus lots of clinics out there with very good deals x

  • Thank you for your reply! I'm so sorry for your failed cycle. I wish you all the best with your de ivf procedure. May I ask where will you have de ivf? You're right there are really many clinics abroad. Many of them have nice services and reasonable prices. The hardest thing is to choose one.

  • Hi milaSM, we did IVF using a donor egg last year. The whole process from us deciding to use a donor egg to actually having the et took about 7 months. Our clinic found us a donor, we said what characteristics we wanted from the donor then they matched us with one.

    We had to go to a councilling session to talk about our feelings and what we would eventually say to the child. It was one of the toughest decisions we have ever had to make but it was one of the best decisions we ever made as now we have a beautiful baby girl.

    As soon as we found out I was pregnant all the anxiety of bonding and loving the baby went away, I knew the baby was ours and the baby was growing inside me.

    There has been research that has shown IVF babies from donor eggs take on some of the mothers DNA..

    Lucky we had our IVF cycle funded by the NHS so I can't comment on the cost. We did have to pay for the drugs after we got the bfp and they were quite expensive but it was a small price to pay for what we gained out of it.

    If you have any other questions please ask.

    Feel free to pm me if you want to know which clinic we used. (I don't think you are meant to put clinic names on here)

  • Hi gemma36! I'm so grateful for your kind response. May I ask where did you have de ivf? I should say the process of searching of a clinic can be really long and tough. But this process is very important and positive result depends from it as well.

    Why didn't you choose donor by yourself? I thought there is a possibility to choose donor by photo or smth like that. Maybe I'm wrong, I'm new to all this.

    Will you tell your baby about de ivf? We are still thinking about what we'll tell our child. I think that my baby needs to know the truth. But my husband thinks this information is not important at all for a baby. He says that I'll carry and I'll give birth. So I'll be a mother. But what if baby finds out accidentally? Aftermath can be horrible.... It's really hard to decide what variant will be best for a child.

    Dear, thank you so so sooo much for telling me about this research. I googled it and you know I feel so relieved. This is the greatest news ever! Now I feel not so stressed about forthcoming procedure.

    Thank you again for your reply! You helped me a lot!

  • I am in the process of going down the donor egg route and currently doing a mock cycle to see how my body is reacting before the main event toward the end of November/December.

    There are a number of ladies on this forum that I am sure will respond to you that have gone through this experience and I think you can also search on 'donor eggs' to bring up other posts.

    Firstly you are NOT going mad. It is totally normal to have mixed emotions and the more you look into it and gather information you will probably find it easier to make your decision.

    I had 6 failed ICSI rounds and therefore knew that going the DE route was really my last chance. I personally decided to move forward with this as I just did not want to look back and 'say what if'. I know in my heart of hearts that I would have tried everything and will accept the outcome, however it has taken a reasonable amount of soul searching to get to that point. Only you and your partner can make the decisions for yourselves.

    In the UK there is a long waiting list and you could easily be looking at a good year to get near the top. This is mainly due to the changes in the law where the donor is no longer anonymous and also any potential children, at the age of 18, can then find out more about their biological mother.

    A number of people will go abroad because the laws are different, you can get onto a programme very very quickly and the donors are anonymous.

    We decided to pit ourselves on the UK waiting list with the last clinic where we did ICSI, In addition we also moved forward with DE abroad. I will be honest maybe we took the easy route out. The clinic in the UK have a synergy with a clinic in Spain and we decided to go down that route. That basically meant that meds, check ups, paperwork, scans etc are predominately dealt with in the UK and all the rest abroad.

    There are a number of ladies going all over the place on this forum i.e. Cyprus, Spain, Estonia, Hungry.

    It might also be worth you looking at counselling. That might help (or hinder!!!!)

    I wish you all the very best with your decision making progress and I hope that you will post on the forum as to how you are doing.

    Good luck. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

  • I'm so sorry about your failed cycles. I'm inspired by how you keep going no matter what. You are really strong woman! Thank you so much for your support. I didn't even expect that so many girls will support me. I appreciate your advices. I'll definitely consider everything you've said! I wish you good luck dear! I also hope to see more good news from you!

  • Thank you MilaSM. Inspired or madness that is up for debate ha ha. Have you been able to move forward with any decisions?

    I have just gone through the mock cycle, currently on the pill cycle and have my scratch and uNK cell test booked in for early November. We are on target for the end of November/early December for our trip to Spain. We will just see what the next few weeks bring.

    Good luck

  • I wish you all the best! I hope you'll have only positive results! We are still in search. I think there are many things we have to discuss with my dh before entering this procedure. I understand we can't plan everything perfectly. We can't be ready for each turn which may wait us in future. But still I want us to clear each detail so we will be able to start the process being knowledgeable about the procedure and future parenthood.

  • You know I will have to use not only donor's eggs but also the surrogate mother in order to become one. Even though I have had my own issues with it, even created the thread where I was discussing if it is okay or not to tell your kid how he was conceived. But have never been thought that my kid will be not mine. I can't keep myself from imagining the day when I am going to see my children for the first time. You shouldn't think in this direction before the start of the treatment. Please, just know that it will be your kid, he will be completely yours. Do not worry about such small things.

  • I got my twins through surrogacy de and I have never even had this thought that they are not my kids. They are mine and I can't get over how much they resemble my husband. There is nothing surprising at all because he is the biological father too, but even though I am not biologically connected to kids I am still their mother and will be forever. I think you think about it too much. The mother is not the woman who have carried you and delivered you to this worked but the woman who has raised you the person you are.

  • It's nice to hear your stories about successful de ivf. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I had some doubts. I was so afraid that the fact that my baby will be from donor egg won't let me love my child. Looking at you and how you describe your feelings toward your babies make me believe I will feel the same. Girls, I wish you all the best. I'm so grateful to all of you who shared their experience!

  • I used both donor eggs and sperm and I must say that when the consultant talks it through with you, it seems as if it isn't likely to fail - they say 65 % chance of becoming pregnant.

    However, even though the donors passed the criteria to be donors - the embryos weren't as high a grade as they could be - and for me it failed.

    Some people are lucky though but it's just something to bare in mind as I didn't know that at the time.

    With an egg donor you can fill out a criteria sheet as to what colour hair, eyes, height, nationality that type of thing that you want to go for.

    All the best x

  • Thank you so much for your reply! I'll consider all info you gave. I'm so sorry about your failed cycle. I'm glad to know there is a possibility to have this criteria sheet. It would be great if donor has some of my features. I hope my baby will look like me. I wish you all the best, dear!

  • Thanks to ivf with donor eggs I became a mother of a beautiful girl two years ago. I had an opportunity to give the clinic a list with features of desirable donor. My daughter looks like me. No one can ever tell she’s from donor. First of all pay attention to reviews, good and bad. Make some kind of list of all pros and cons. Browse official websites of preferable clinics. I advise you to contact clinics directly. Ask them questions, which interest you. Pay attention to their answers. If clinic ignores your questions, ignores you, don’t answer for a long time or answers don’t satisfy you, then it’s better to cross that clinic off from your list. Communication with patients is important, it’s decisive factor. If they behave like that in the beginning, so you can imagine what they will do during the process. I wish you good luck! Don't be shy to ask questions. I'm always ready to give a hand)

  • Thanks for your reply! May I ask where did you have de ivf? I hope you're right. Emotional ties are the most important. I believe my feelings will change when I feel baby inside. I want to have a child. I want to become mother and I want my kid to feel my love.

  • Hi mila

    We were lucky enough to get our donor egg cycle on the nhs. We had the IVF done at the "Care" clinic in Nottingham, it is a private clinic but it also takes nhs patients. They do have a number of clinic around the country if you google care fertility it will show you the clinics.

    We did specify what characteristics we wanted from the donor such as blonde hair, blue eyes, medium height etc then the clinic matched us with someone they had on their waiting list. To be honest them finding us a donor took a lot of stress out of the process.

    We are definately going to tell our baby about the donor, we think it is important, I am still the mummy but we are going to say we just needed a little bit of help to make her. A lot of our friends know about us using a donor and we don't want our baby to find out accidentally by someone else. I think there are books you can buy to help with telling them, something we need to research.

    Our clinic also gave us a councilling session to explain about the whole process and how to tell the baby. It was all very scary and daunting for us but it was so worth it and I wouldn't change our baby for the world, she is just perfect xx

  • I'm really happy for you! That's just amazing that your clinic gave you this counselling session. I think that's really useful and helpful in such situation. You're absolutely right about your decision to tell your child the truth. I think my dh and I should discuss this issue more. I don't want my baby to find out about donor accidentally, from other people but not his/her own parents. I think this may cause many problems. Thank you so much for your support and advices!

  • hi We have had DE cycle in Cyprus it was a lot cheaper than UK you only have to be there a week. We picked a donor out of a list the clinic gave us matching me as much as possible eye colour hair colour height etc. We saved quite a few thousand going there. We are also currently on the NHS waiting list for donor eggs in Bristol. We were told 4-6 months waiting list and its now been a year and there are currently 20 couple above us on the list! We couldn't wait any longer but its there as a back up down the line if needed. This DE cycle didn't work for us we had a chemical miscarriage but we are going back again in February for another go x

  • I'm so sorry for your failed procedure. I'm glad to know you don't give up and keep on going to your goal! Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I appreciate your help. I wish you all the best with your upcoming procedure! I hope you'll update us later with some good news! I'll definitely look at those places you've mentioned.

  • Your thoughts are so familiar to me. I think every woman has such thoughts on her mind before such procedure. It’s easier for men to accept this procedure I guess. It will be their child. Why should they worry about such things?

    To be honest, at first I was completely against de ivf. I thought it’s unnatural and I won’t be able to love a baby of another woman. How stupid I was! This procedure was my only chance to become a mother so I persuaded myself to do it. Now I have no regrets. I look at Sammy and I consider him as my son and no one else's. We had an opportunity to give our doctor list of features we want to see in our donor. We mentioned hair color, nose and face shape, eyes, lips, etc. I should say everyone tells me my son looks like me! We told everyone, even our family, that we had simple ivf. No one can ever tell we used egg donor. Of course I’m grateful to our doctor and that girl, who donated her eggs. I will never forget what they’ve done for us! But I really have no feelings like my son is not genetically related to me or I feel differently toward him. Absolutely no! I love him with my whole heart! As soon as I knew I’m pregnant all my doubts faded away. I carried him, I felt him inside my stomach, I had toxicosis, I sang for him and read fairytales for him, I gave birth to him! He’s my son and only my! We decided we’ll not tell Sammy about egg donor. I think he doesn’t need to know that. I’m his mom and I’ll do everything for him so there will be no need for him to look for donor.

    We had de ivf in Ukraine. We had 2 attempts in general. I’ve got pregnant from the first one. The clinic also offers «packages» with 1 or 5 attempts. So we’ve just chosen «package», which suited us the most. I wish you good luck with your procedure! I’m sure you’ll forget about your concerns as soon as you’ll know you’re pregnant!

  • Thank you so much for your reply! I really needed to hear these words. I can't hold back my tears when I read how you describe your feeling towards your son. I hope I'll feel the same. We are still thinking if we tell our child about egg donor or not. I read a lot about Ukrainian clinics but I have some concerns. What is the name of the clinic you've chosen? May I ask how much did you pay? Was it hard to stay in foreign country? What about communication with doctors and other people? I will be very grateful if you share some details and thoughts about this clinic.

  • Honey I'm sure you'll love your child! The clinic has a couple of packages. So you can choose the one, which suits the most. We chose 'double' for €6 900. Speaking about package we chose, we had 2 attempts. I've got pregnant from first attempt. We didn't pay all sum at once! I think it's too risky to do so. The payment was divided into 2 parts. We paid €3 450 after we signed contract during our first visit. We paid second half on the day of the first embryo transfer.

    This clinic proposes same services for lower price. There were a couple of factors which convinced us to sign contract. When we came to the clinic for the first time, we saw many people there. I should say we didn't expect this at all! I never thought Ukraine is that popular. And since that moment I had a feeling that everything will be fine. Not for nothing people go there! At first I was sceptical. I thought their medicine stuck in the past. But after looking at the clinic and their modern equipment I changed my mind. Also their services. The clinic has already taken care about everything. So our stay in Ukraine was absolutely comfortable. We were met in the airport by taxi driver, who was carrying us across Kiev by his car. He was transporting us to the clinic and our apartment, which was also provided by the clinic. We had a manager and she translated everything for us. She spoke language fluently, so there were no misunderstandings. They even provided us with food supply! The only thing which we cared about was de ivf procedure. All these services were already included in our package. We didn't pay some extra fees. The clinic never asked to pay additional charges.

    We had 3 visits in a framework of our procedure. The clinic provided us with accommodation during all our visits. By the way, we were provided with food supply too. Our doctor assigned the treatment plan for us. Also she gave us all needed instructions. We didn't go to biotexcom for ultrasounds and tests. All these we did in our local clinic. Then we just had to send the results to our program coordinator by mail. So there was no extra waste of money.

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