looking into surrogacy, need info

Hello beauties! I need your advice. I had placental abruption in the past. Doctors had to remove fetus along with the uterus. We were ttc for 6 years before I’ve got pregnant. We had so much hope that finally we’ll become parents! We’ve lost our baby on 7th month of pregnancy. Also I’ve lost my fertility and there no chance for us to conceive any more. 2 years had already past but we didn’t recover from our loss yet. Is it even possible to forget such pain?

We are looking into surrogacy. To be honest, I’m not sure if we can think about it. I feel like I’m betraying my child… My husband says it will help us to keep living and stop our suffering. Maybe he’s right… I deepen myself into search and try not to think about my pain. I hope you’ll help me to clear surrogacy process.

I read many comments here. Some of you, girls, chose Europe, some of you chose America. I’m lost and I have no idea which of these variants will suit us. We are from Finland so there is no way for us to have this procedure here. I’m more into USA. Prices for surrogacy are very high there. But I think that’s not without purpose. This fact shows that there is high guarantee of success, am I right? They ask for such high price because they know what to do and how gain good result. We don’t have $150 000 to pay right away. I think we’ll have to take a loan. We have no one to borrow this money. I think this is not so great sacrifice for our goal, right? My husband says it’s better to go to Europe. Prices are much lower and services are the same. But I think if prices are small than possibility of procedure to be successful is small as well.

20 Replies

  • The reason why the states is more expensive is because they have private healthcare only as to public healthcare that's in Canada and most of Europe.

    So going to the states will just be more money since your paying full price as to paying a somewhat covered amount by healthcare in Europe.

  • Thank you for your reply! These details made the process much clear for me. I never thought that prices could depend on this. I will look more into European clinics. I really appreciate your help! I didn't think I will get so many advices and support here! I made the right thing posting my problem and sharing it with you girls)

  • I’m so sorry about your loss. I’ve also lost my baby. I know exactly how it feels. It’s impossible to forget this, but surrogacy soothed our pain. I don’t regret I choose this option. You don’t betray your baby! Don’t think about this in such way. It’s not your fault you’ve lost your child. There are situations in life we can’t control. You should stop suffering! Your husband has a point here. This procedure and parenting will help you to soothe your pain, believe me. I was confused too. I didn’t know which country to choose. There are many clinics all over the world. Reviews and prices differ. That’s why it’s hard to choose. First of all I want to say that high price is not a guarantee of positive result as well as low price is not a guarantee of failure. Moreover, not a single clinic gives 100% guarantee that the procedure will be successful. Anyway, you should pay attention what rates of successful treatments do clinics have. There are many websites with lists of clinics where you can find this info.

    Your husband is right about Europe. You should think about your future and future of your kid as well. You’ll have to spend so much money for a baby. It will be really hard for you to pay back debt at the same time. Here on this forum you can find names of all tested clinics and also their prices. You can ask girls everything you need. I’m sure they will help you! I will also be glad to help. Good luck! I hope you’ll find the best option for you)

  • Please can you let me know where to the names /prices of the clinics you refer to. Is there a list or do you mean asking others for their views and experiences?

    We are also looking into surrogacy and I would be interested to have this information.

    Thanks and good luck to everyone xx

  • I was just googling "list of clinics of reproductive medicine and their prices". There are many websites, where you can find not only prices and services, but also rates of successful treatments and reviews of their patients. Very helpful thing I should say. Also after looking through such websites, I was choosing the most suitable clinics and making a list of them. Then I was looking for official websites of those clinics. There is much information which can help you to make a final choice. For example, you can find terms and conditions of contracts there. Also list of services, prices, photos, direct contacts, etc.

    We contacted managers of those clinics and asked them questions. It's important to ask everything you want to know about procedure before you go there. Pay attention to their answers. They have to give you clear information to each of your questions.

    Costs. USA has the highest price. We didn't have such amount of money. Their costs varies from $100 000 to $150 000. It is prohibitive price for us. Speaking about Greece, their prices are lower. Their costs varies from $60 000 to $80 000. I had great fear of scammers. There are a lot of fake agencies, who have only one aim – to pull out all your money. Everyone should be very careful in their search.

    I was in search 24/7 during a couple of months. It was really hard to find a reliable clinic with affordable price. After some discussions with ladies on different forums we went to Ukraine. The clinic provided us with everything needed, so we felt absolutely comfortable in foreign country. The whole process was under their control. They found surrogate mother for us in 2,5 months. Our son was born in October 2015. We paid approximately €40 000 for everything. Though there were so many people and lines were very long, but I think the result worth it. If you have questions, please don't be shy to ask.

  • Thanks for the detailed and helpful information. I'm sure it will help a lot of people thinking about starting this process xx

  • I'm so grateful for your response! Thank you for support. It was really hard for me to turn to this option after our loss. I needed to hear those words, some point of view from the other woman with same story... I hope surrogacy will help us to maintain our lives. Thanks for the tips. I'll definitely use them in my search. You helped a lot to clear surrogacy process for me. May I ask which clinic did you address?

  • You're welcome dear) I hope I helped you somehow. You are right, the searching process is really tough. I wish you good luck in it!

    The clinic is called biotexcom. By the way we didn't pay all sum at once! I completely agree with you. It's pretty risky to do so. The payment was divided into 5 rates. We paid €8000 during the first visit. Then we paid €7900 during our second visit. Third payment €8000 was paid on twelve weeks of the gestation of the surrogate mother. €8000 we paid after the birth of our son. And the last 5th payment €8000 we paid after receiving of the child’s birth certificate and passport for our son to leave the country.

    I should say the clinic has pretty good service. We were met by taxi driver. Then taxi was carrying us across the city. We didn't have to find the clinic by ourselves! I'm sure we would be lost. Especially considering the fact that neither I nor my husband known the language. The taxi brought us to the clinic. It's a very modern building I must say. We also had a translator so there were no misunderstandings at all. That girl translated everything for us and also answered all our questions. We stayed at nice apartment with all needed facilities and even more) We had no problems with food supply or communication.

  • I've been reading a lot of information about Ukraine recently. I know nothing about this country. I have many doubts about Ukrainian medicine. I'm thinking maybe it would be better to go to Russia. The price slightly differs. But Russia is bigger country. I really doubt that services differ somehow. It seems to me their medicine is even on higher level. I hope you'll help me to clarify everything. So I could consider this country as an option.

    First of all I need to ask how much did you pay for all those services? Maybe it would be much cheaper if you find car, hire a translator, stay in hotel, etc. All by yourself I mean. I think clinics may higher price a bit. It's obvious that they find all these so they take more money for their work.

    Second of all I want to ask about your surrogate mother. Did you choose surrogate mother by your own? Does the clinic have database of surrogates or smth like that? How can you be sure that all those women are healthy? There are really many cases when surrogate mothers had poor health or pernicious habits. So they lost babies or gave birth to unhealthy children. Where are guarantees that surrogate mother is healthy and she will carry a healthy kid? By the way, did your surro live with you? This way it's easier to control the process. At the same time moving her to foreign country can be problematic and expensive...

    I'm really sorry for so many questions. I didn't mean to bother you. I just want to know more about the process. So I could choose where we should go. I really want to be sure in a place where we'll have the procedure. I have great fear of failure... I know I can't predict every single detail and be ready for any inconvenience. At the same time I need to know more to make final decision.

  • I understand your concerns. Ukraine is a small country with unstable situation. I should say that size of Russia is not an index of qualitative medicine. As high prices in USA are not index of 100% success guarantee. There are many small countries which have medicine which is on very high level. Anyway we didn't go to Russia for one simple reason. The sing is Russian legislation hasn't straight regulations on surrogacy. What I mean is surrogate mother is an actual mother of a child in Russia. So you'll have to go through adoption of a baby. There are small risk that sm can decide to leave a baby because she has all rights to do so. Sure, you can go to court and try to prove that baby is yours. But for that you'll have to do a DNA test. Only mother of a baby can give you permission to do it. As sm is an actual mother of a baby it's almost impossible to get that permission. I hope my explanations are clear) That's why we went to Ukraine because it doesn't have this law.

    We didn't pay for those services. More precisely, those services were included into our package. As I've mentioned already, we paid approximately €40 000 for everything. We were never asked to pay extra fees.

    We didn't choose sm. The thing is her appearance does not solve anything in this procedure. The most important are her health and ability to bear a child. So our doctor chose sm for us. I was sure that our sm is healthy and that doctors checked her before allowing her to participate into the program. The clinic has pretty high success rates. I don't think it would have such rates if they didn't check their surrogate mommies. Moreover there was some info in our contract. Under the terms and conditions of the contract, all sm must go thru medical examinations and psychological diagnostics. Also all sm must have positive experience in childbirth. That is why our sm lived in Ukraine during the whole program. I think it would be very hard and stressful for her to live apart from her family for almost a year. Our sm lived with her husband and kids in familiar environment. She felt comfortable and didn't worry about her loved ones. Our program coordinator was informing us about state of our baby and sm at least once per month.

  • Hi jossySSS. Have you had a look at www.SurrogacyUK? Also, if you kept your ovaries, you could possible still have your own genetic child. Lots to think about, but it just could be a wonderful option for you both, and I do wish you well with whatever you decide. Thinking of you. Diane

  • I am American. I can reassure you that Europe and the UK have very good surrogacy programs. I know 2 different surrogates here in the UK. They are so healthy, have kids of their own, and have very easy pregnancies. One has carried twice to term, the other just had her first for someone. One took 2 tries with embryos as bfn first transfer, but positive the very next cycle with frozen embryos.

    As for America, as stated above healthcare costs an absolute fortune! Just an epi-pen for an allergic reaction will set you back $500! You get charged a premium on everything. The sad thing is that even with the high costs you are still living in a health care lottery. I have tons of comparisons with family members receiving the same procedures in different States and one was good, the other appalling.

    I think you should go where you both feel comfortable. Investigate loads of places and if you stay in Europe, with the money you saved, take baby on holiday when it's bigger!

    Good luck with your decision!

  • Thank you for reply! Now I understand that high prices in USA don't give higher guarantees at all. You are absolutely right comparing the process to a lottery. It will be better to save money and don't take a loan. Thank you for these details! I will think more about options. Now I see it's better to look at services and rates but not at prices.

  • hi, I'm so sorry for your fertility struggle. Your story is full of pain and despair, but I hope you’r on the right way. I have my kids born through surrogacy so I know what I’m talking about. The USA is obviously a great surrogacy destination. They offer probably the highest level of service but the price is also biting. Along with high costs, don’t forget their specific legal regulations. Surrogates are legal mothers of newborns. They have right to keep the baby after delivery if she changes her mind. Are you ready for such roller coaster?

  • apart to all that, some states of the US have very flexible requirements for IPs. even singles and gays are approved unlike many other countries where surrogacy is legal. however the price for me is unbearable. need to find cheaper options. so many good reviews about Ukraine and the price of around 30k is super. why they don't tale singles? this is crazy

  • We had surrogacy last year. It was really hard to find reliable place to go! The thing was not only in agencies fees, but also in fact, that there are many scammers between them. That's why we decided to contact clinics directly. This way you can not only save some money, but also the risk to face fraudsters is much lower. We were about to go to India and we contacted their clinic and arrange our meeting with their doctor. But then we saw a video on youtube about woman, who experienced surrogacy in this clinic. She told there horrible things! She told that despite of fast finding of surrogate mother, the clinic does minimum check of them and takes women with diabetes and obesity in surrogacy programs. And it was not the first time we’ve seen such review! So we canceled our meeting immediately. I'm not telling that India is a bad choice and all clinics there are unprofessional. I'm just saying you should pay attention to every detail. So we started to look for another European clinic. And one of them caught our eye, Ukrainian clinic BioTexCom. The reviews about it were different, but most of them were positive. And also their price is lower than in other countries. We paid 39 900 euro for like everything, starting from oocyte donation and finishing with all needed documents. We were met at the airport, provided with comfortable apt and food. We had a manager, who translated everything. They even provided us with smartphones with Ukrainian phone numbers to ease our communication. All these services were already included into our package. The whole amount of money was divided into 5 parts. It was nice because we didn't have all sum to pay right away. We had time to collect and give away each part during each of our visits. The clinic found SM for us in 2 months. We thought it will take much longer. So when the program coordinator contacted us in 7 weeks after our first visit and told us this great news, we were shocked and pleasantly surprised! We didn't expect it will be so fast. We didn't choose sm by ourselves. It doesn't matter how she looks. The most important is her health, ability to carry a baby and presence of her own children. That's why our doctor chose sm for us. Their doctors make all psychological and medical tests to be sure that woman is suitable for the procedure. Also they check sm during the program weekly. I hope this info will help. Good luck, dear!

  • We've also decided to have surrogacy abroad. Costs for this procedure are too high for our abilities. We want to have kids no matter what! First we tried IVF. We had 5 cycles and all of them failed. Each failure was unbearable. Each following cycle was like a knife in my heart. IVF pulled a lot of money from us. That's why we needed to find a clinic with good conditions and lower price. We chose Ukrainian biotexcom. First of all because of good reviews and reasonable price. This clinic is really popular I should say. We were there in July to meet with our doctor. There were really many people. We were standing in lines for hours and there were many couples who were staying with us. We all have one aim and I'm glad to find this place which can help us to have children.

  • Thank you for support, girls! I've really enjoyed your stories. You've helped my very much to understand this process. As I know more know it will be easier for me to search for a clinic.

    Caroline44, I'm really sorry for your failed cycles. I understand why you decided to use surrogacy. I wish you good luck! I hope to hear more news about your procedure. How's it going?

  • I hope you found the way, jossy. My story has much in common with yours.. they removed my uterus after my first labor (hopefully all was fine with the baby, he is 4 yo now). it wasn't an easy choice but we decided on surrogacy. it was possible to use my eggs. the first stimulation was a success, 8 eggs received, 2 embies transferred. our surrogate is 8 weeks pregnant now. If my experience can be helpful to you, be free to message me

  • Oh my, mc on 7th month, it must be terrible, i`m so sorry.

    As for me the USA prices is too high for not 100% guarantee result.

    There are almost the same equipment and qualified personnel around the globe.

    You should search for list of countries with allowed surrogacy and all trick in them.

    The best practice is when surrogate mother have no rights on child by the law. Than the only thing what you need is to find clinic (do not make no direct deals with surrogate mother, it can be a scum) and visit it (in low cost countries it won`t be expensive and you`d see everything on you own eyes).

    P.S.: searching by myself for it, after dh`s treatment.

    P.P.S.: do not believe about safety things on internet. Even EU become more dangerous lately, because known reason...

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