looking into surrogacy, need info

Hello beauties! I need your advice. I had placental abruption in the past. Doctors had to remove fetus along with the uterus. We were ttc for 6 years before I’ve got pregnant. We had so much hope that finally we’ll become parents! We’ve lost our baby on 7th month of pregnancy. Also I’ve lost my fertility and there no chance for us to conceive any more. 2 years had already past but we didn’t recover from our loss yet. Is it even possible to forget such pain?

We are looking into surrogacy. To be honest, I’m not sure if we can think about it. I feel like I’m betraying my child… My husband says it will help us to keep living and stop our suffering. Maybe he’s right… I deepen myself into search and try not to think about my pain. I hope you’ll help me to clear surrogacy process.

I read many comments here. Some of you, girls, chose Europe, some of you chose America. I’m lost and I have no idea which of these variants will suit us. We are from Finland so there is no way for us to have this procedure here. I’m more into USA. Prices for surrogacy are very high there. But I think that’s not without purpose. This fact shows that there is high guarantee of success, am I right? They ask for such high price because they know what to do and how gain good result. We don’t have $150 000 to pay right away. I think we’ll have to take a loan. We have no one to borrow this money. I think this is not so great sacrifice for our goal, right? My husband says it’s better to go to Europe. Prices are much lower and services are the same. But I think if prices are small than possibility of procedure to be successful is small as well.

14 Replies

  • The reason why the states is more expensive is because they have private healthcare only as to public healthcare that's in Canada and most of Europe.

    So going to the states will just be more money since your paying full price as to paying a somewhat covered amount by healthcare in Europe.

  • Thank you for your reply! These details made the process much clear for me. I never thought that prices could depend on this. I will look more into European clinics. I really appreciate your help! I didn't think I will get so many advices and support here! I made the right thing posting my problem and sharing it with you girls)

  • Please can you let me know where to the names /prices of the clinics you refer to. Is there a list or do you mean asking others for their views and experiences?

    We are also looking into surrogacy and I would be interested to have this information.

    Thanks and good luck to everyone xx

  • Thanks for the detailed and helpful information. I'm sure it will help a lot of people thinking about starting this process xx

  • I'm so grateful for your response! Thank you for support. It was really hard for me to turn to this option after our loss. I needed to hear those words, some point of view from the other woman with same story... I hope surrogacy will help us to maintain our lives. Thanks for the tips. I'll definitely use them in my search. You helped a lot to clear surrogacy process for me. May I ask which clinic did you address?

  • I've been reading a lot of information about Ukraine recently. I know nothing about this country. I have many doubts about Ukrainian medicine. I'm thinking maybe it would be better to go to Russia. The price slightly differs. But Russia is bigger country. I really doubt that services differ somehow. It seems to me their medicine is even on higher level. I hope you'll help me to clarify everything. So I could consider this country as an option.

    First of all I need to ask how much did you pay for all those services? Maybe it would be much cheaper if you find car, hire a translator, stay in hotel, etc. All by yourself I mean. I think clinics may higher price a bit. It's obvious that they find all these so they take more money for their work.

    Second of all I want to ask about your surrogate mother. Did you choose surrogate mother by your own? Does the clinic have database of surrogates or smth like that? How can you be sure that all those women are healthy? There are really many cases when surrogate mothers had poor health or pernicious habits. So they lost babies or gave birth to unhealthy children. Where are guarantees that surrogate mother is healthy and she will carry a healthy kid? By the way, did your surro live with you? This way it's easier to control the process. At the same time moving her to foreign country can be problematic and expensive...

    I'm really sorry for so many questions. I didn't mean to bother you. I just want to know more about the process. So I could choose where we should go. I really want to be sure in a place where we'll have the procedure. I have great fear of failure... I know I can't predict every single detail and be ready for any inconvenience. At the same time I need to know more to make final decision.

  • Hi jossySSS. Have you had a look at www.SurrogacyUK? Also, if you kept your ovaries, you could possible still have your own genetic child. Lots to think about, but it just could be a wonderful option for you both, and I do wish you well with whatever you decide. Thinking of you. Diane

  • I am American. I can reassure you that Europe and the UK have very good surrogacy programs. I know 2 different surrogates here in the UK. They are so healthy, have kids of their own, and have very easy pregnancies. One has carried twice to term, the other just had her first for someone. One took 2 tries with embryos as bfn first transfer, but positive the very next cycle with frozen embryos.

    As for America, as stated above healthcare costs an absolute fortune! Just an epi-pen for an allergic reaction will set you back $500! You get charged a premium on everything. The sad thing is that even with the high costs you are still living in a health care lottery. I have tons of comparisons with family members receiving the same procedures in different States and one was good, the other appalling.

    I think you should go where you both feel comfortable. Investigate loads of places and if you stay in Europe, with the money you saved, take baby on holiday when it's bigger!

    Good luck with your decision!

  • Thank you for reply! Now I understand that high prices in USA don't give higher guarantees at all. You are absolutely right comparing the process to a lottery. It will be better to save money and don't take a loan. Thank you for these details! I will think more about options. Now I see it's better to look at services and rates but not at prices.

  • hi, I'm so sorry for your fertility struggle. Your story is full of pain and despair, but I hope you’r on the right way. I have my kids born through surrogacy so I know what I’m talking about. The USA is obviously a great surrogacy destination. They offer probably the highest level of service but the price is also biting. Along with high costs, don’t forget their specific legal regulations. Surrogates are legal mothers of newborns. They have right to keep the baby after delivery if she changes her mind. Are you ready for such roller coaster?

  • apart to all that, some states of the US have very flexible requirements for IPs. even singles and gays are approved unlike many other countries where surrogacy is legal. however the price for me is unbearable. need to find cheaper options. so many good reviews about Ukraine and the price of around 30k is super. why they don't tale singles? this is crazy

  • Thank you for support, girls! I've really enjoyed your stories. You've helped my very much to understand this process. As I know more know it will be easier for me to search for a clinic.

    Caroline44, I'm really sorry for your failed cycles. I understand why you decided to use surrogacy. I wish you good luck! I hope to hear more news about your procedure. How's it going?

  • Oh my, mc on 7th month, it must be terrible, i`m so sorry.

    As for me the USA prices is too high for not 100% guarantee result.

    There are almost the same equipment and qualified personnel around the globe.

    You should search for list of countries with allowed surrogacy and all trick in them.

    The best practice is when surrogate mother have no rights on child by the law. Than the only thing what you need is to find clinic (do not make no direct deals with surrogate mother, it can be a scum) and visit it (in low cost countries it won`t be expensive and you`d see everything on you own eyes).

    P.S.: searching by myself for it, after dh`s treatment.

    P.P.S.: do not believe about safety things on internet. Even EU become more dangerous lately, because known reason...

  • Hello dear! I read your post and I just want to discuss about surrogacy . It is like a priceless gift for those couples who are unable to get the baby with the natural process .

    Couples settle on surrogacy when customary methods for considering a baby have fizzled. This additionally incorporates into vitro treatment, or it is risky for the couple to get pregnant and conceive an offspring. The accompanying medicinal conditions generally require surrogacy:

    > Malformation of or disease in the womb

    > Absence or evacuation of womb by hysterectomy

    > Recurring unnatural birth cycles

    > Repeated disappointment of IVF

    > Other conditions that make incomprehensibly or hazardous for a lady, for example, extreme coronary illness

    Hope it will help you !!!!

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