what are your thoughts about surrogacy?

Hello girls! I came here in hope to get some info. I’m 32, married, no kids. We dream about children and we came to the point where we don’t know what to do with our desire. I was born without an uterus so our chances to conceive naturally are like 0%. We are looking for options. First thing that comes to my mind is surrogacy. My husband thinks it’s good option, but I have some doubts. I think it’s kinda unnatural and wrong maybe… Which woman will give her child to strange people? I think women become surrogates only because of money, because they are poor. I guess such women have bad genetics or poor minds. Don’t take me wrong, I just think that sane person would never leave her child. Unfortunately we don’t have many options. I want to try to look for surrogate mother by myself. I’ve seen many girls on forums propose to carry a baby for infertile couples. The thing is I have no idea how to start all this process. We are from Finland. Surrogacy here is forbidden by law. It means we have to go abroad. One more problem is price. We were thinking about USA. There are many ads in the internet of different clinics and agencies. They have some databases of surrogate mothers so we can probably choose one. However reviews are so different! I thought for such price all procedures should be positive! I’m not sure we’ll find $150 000. This sum seems immense for us. Do other countries have same prices? Which country is better to go? Where this procedure is legal? I found many reviews about India. Also prices for surrogacy procedure there is lower than in USA. Unfortunately it turned out that India was closed for foreigners. I’m sorry for such flow of thoughts and questions. I really need help! I’m totally confused!

15 Replies

  • Hello Sandra, I'm so sorry for the situation your in in terms of not being able to have children. Surrogacy sounds like it's your only option if you want to have children that share a genetic connection with you.

    Yes there have and still are many cases of intended parents falling into serious problems during surrogacy arrangements.

    The best country to consider surrogacy in my opinion is Ukraine. They have strict laws on who can go through the programme on both sides(parents and surrogates). Also the parentage of the child is based upon DNA matching and not who gives birth.

    Prices in Ukraine tend to come up to almost a third of the price in USA and you get the legal backing you need when it comes to assigning parentage.

    I can recommend a clinic to you via PM if you'd like to get in touch for more information.

    I hope I've helped you a little with some of your doubts.

  • Thank you so much for your kind response. You're not the first one who tells me about Ukraine! I didn't know it's so popular. I was afraid that surrogate mother may refuse to give us our baby. I'm glad to know that Ukraine has special law for such case. The price was huge problem for us. The fact that Ukraine is much cheaper is so relieving! Thank you for telling me all this info. You helped a lot! Thanks to you I know more details so I can move further. I'll definitely PM you! It would be great to know some names of clinics so I could contact them and google them)

  • Firstly id like 2 say Surrogate mothers dont give their babys way, they carry a baby for the couple which is their baby they use the egg and spern from the couple who she is helping to have their dream and its not poor people as u put it who carry theses amazing gifts of life..my sister is actually a surrogate and both her and her husband have their own businesses,she was finished having her own family and felt the gift of life was somethin so amazing and so precious that she would like to help other couples to have this special gift to..she always uses the couples embryos so tht way the baby is NEVER her baby she is just loaning her body to someone else to carry THEIR baby with in her..me myself would also consider beein a surrogate if ever anyone needes my help

  • I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone. Thank you for clarifying this process for me. I'm new to this and I didn't really catch how all this works. Your sister and you are very good persons and you're both doing a great thing. I don't know why I thought about surrogate mothers in that way. Maybe it was just influence of mass media. I'm glad I talk to you! Your words put some of my worries aside.

  • Who cares why those women become surrogate mother? It's only their business why they do what they do. Professional clinics check women who want to become surrogates. They check their physical and mental health and those are the most important things. Genetics of surrogate mothers plays no role, because biological material will belong to you and your husband. SM is just receptacle for your baby. I would also advise you to choose Ukraine. Surrogacy is also legal in Russia, but its legislation differs from Ukraine. Russian surrogate mothers have all rights to leave baby. It was the main reason why we didn't choose Russia. We are absolutely happy we chose Ukrainian BioTexCom. No regrets at all.

  • My friend has really easy pregnancies. She is becoming a surrogate. She gets paid a bit, but it means she can stay at home with her young kids and home school them. So she sees the money as her job to be super healthy and looking after someone's child. Another surrogate did it initially for her her sister and decided to do it once more for a stranger.

    America is too expensive. Europe is cheaper and just as safe, and easier to get to from Finland!

  • Hi all! We went on with Biotexcom, Kiev. Found them through eviternity.org International patient coordinator. They're dealing with surrogacy and egg donation. Judging from our long infertility medical history we decided to give egg donation route a shot. Though were also considering surrogacy just in case, you know. There's a great amount of info on both issues!! And the thing to start with is that they offer free consultations!

    It's definitely worth seeing ;)

  • If you want to have a baby, go for it. Surrogacy is a great solution for you. It’s nice you decided not to give up and look for options. I was diagnosed with glomerulonephritis after the birth of my first child. The entire pregnancy I had preeclampsia and hematuria, but not a single gynecologist didn't consider to send me to a nephrologist. When my son was 2 years old I’ve got pregnant again. I thought if I could carry my baby once, I can do this again. Everything seemed to be fine. At 25th week of pregnancy the situation changed completely. I felt that the child almost didn't move. Doctors told to do an abortion. A cesarean section was urgently made. My second son was born with a weight of 540 grams and had lived for only 2 days. I’ve almost lost my mind, it was hard to keep on living. After another round of treatment and medical tests we decided to try again. Same story again, 26th week, protein 6, high pressure, cesarean section. It was a boy, he lived for only 3 hours. This loss broke me completely. This time I had not only physical treatment, but mental too. For almost 2 years I visited psychologist. It’s been 5 years already, but pain still tears me up. I think maybe I should have listened to all those doctors, who told me it’s dangerous. But if you never try, you never know for sure. My husband and I decided to try surrogacy. But when we saw prices, we were in shock! We really didn’t know where to go. I was in search 24/7 during a couple of months. It was really hard to find a reliable clinic with affordable price. After some discussions with ladies on different forums we went to Ukrainian clinic biotexcom. The clinic provided us with everything needed, so we felt absolutely comfortable in foreign country. The whole process was under their control. They found surrogate mother for us in 2,5 months. Our son was born on October 2015. We paid approximately 40 000 euros for everything. Though there were so many people and lines were very long, but I think the result worth it) If you have questions, please don't be shy to ask)

  • To be honest, I don’t understand how can you be so positive about Biotexcom. My wife and I were there last month. We decided not to sign any contracts. We are now looking for another variants, which are more convenient for us. I can say nothing about doctors of this clinic or their professionalism. I can only say about first impression and my complete disappointment. When we entered the clinic, there were so many people! Lines were super long. Have their employees heard about work organization? We were literally shocked. All doctors were very busy with work. We were roaming from one medical office to another, looking for available doctor. We were standing in lines for hours! All seats were taken and there were even no place on stairs to seat. That was a real disaster! When it was finally our turn to meet a doctor, we were so exhausted. We had no desire to stay at such irresponsible clinic. Moreover signing any papers with them and pay money? I have shivers only imagining that each our visit be like this. To be honest, I’m impressed that they are able to find surrogate mothers so fast. Also prices in Ukraine are much lower than in any other country. Maybe it's price for all that tortures?) We thought we found perfect variant for us. Unfortunately first impression turned everything upside down. Anyway, we are not ready to bound ourselves to such “anthill”. They should think more about their clients! They should be much more responsible in their work. People go to this clinic for help and receive such negligence from the first step. Maybe our experience with this place will help someone not to hurry and think once more. And we will continue our search.

  • Is it really bad if a clinic has lines? I had surrogacy in BioTexCom. Yes, lines were long. We've also been waiting for hours. But is it REALLY that bad? Those lines and crowded halls only convinced me that I can trust this place. People go there from all over the world because doctors of this clinic know their job. I see more reviews about this clinic every day and I'm so happy I made the right choice. It's ok to put up with standing and waiting for so great result. We were completely satisfied with their services and attitude. They found sm for us in 2,5 months. We didn't expect it will be so fast! We thought we'll have to wait longer. Our program coordinator and other staff were guiding us all the time. Thanks to them our journey was going smooth and we had nothing to worry about. I became mom last year and it was the happiest moment in my life! I think it's worth of waiting.

  • I think you were too sensitive at the time when getting to the first appt with the doctors. I don’t quite understand why you did all of that roaming form one dr to another, because my dh and me the only thing we had to do is wait till our manager calls us. She was charged of all the organization and when we came to the clinic, she was always with us to explain everything, to help etc. she even brought us some chocolate after the blood test. and it is not like you will take your tests every time you are there. I do not quite understand your treatment and what do you want from the clinic. But I wish you the best with your search for the perfect fertility clinic in the world.

  • hey there, we're currently with biotexcom opting oe surrogacy. we've been to this clinic once in July. well, I agree the clinic is always crowded. is this good or bad? well, I think if you stand in a line for infertility treatment not for a piece of bread, waiting can be quite admissible. I may be wrong but it seems to me that lines is a good sign for a fertility clinic. Moreover, they offer VIP contract with which you’ll never stand in lines. Anyways, we all decide for ourselves.

    At this very stage of our surrogacy journey, we’re absolutely satisfied with all services of biotexcom provider. You review is just your personal attitude and you’re 100% right – just for yourself. We all are different and have different values, it seems.

    To sum up, all I want to say is that if you have waiting and want to be the only one client in the clinic – biotex is not for you

  • when we signed up with biotexcom back in 2014, it seems that there were not as many people as now. I saw a lot of posts claiming that they have lines to almost every room and managers are always busy. Maybe this is because of their new surrogacy packages. Now they have three packages to choose from. When we signed up with them, there’s only one. I support the previous poster: if there’s a VIP package that enables you to be the first in every line, why not signing for it? And be sure that you won’t have to wait. IMHO, waiting is not the most important time when we talk about surrogacy. If you know that you wait for the result you were long striving for, waiting is ok

    love and patience to everyone!

  • if you have 150k available to do your surrogacy without lines and waiting, why not going to usa? after all, even for this price, you still will have to wait and no one guarantees you will finally have a baby. america's surrogacy laws are very specific. the key thing here for me was that surrogate has the right to keep the baby after birth. if she changes her mind, the law will be on her side, not on the IPs. it's even hard for me to imagine this. we chose ukraine because they only allow gestational surrogacy, and surrogate has no right to keep the baby. IPs are considered biological parents of the bb since the day he/she is born.

    you may dispute here a lot, but still we all choose what's best for us, for our own families

  • yes, you're right. deciding on surrogacy and provider is a very important step for a couple. we made our choice very profoundly. moreover, there're so many options now.

    apart of price, I would take into consideration such criteria as: legal support, guarantees, number of attempts, compensation for surrogate and donor, waiting time, requirements for surrogates and donors, ability to choose, neonatal care, pediatrician service, vaccination. continue this list on your own

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