Our first surrogacy: totally overwhelmed

Hi, I’m new in here.

In brief, I am a mother of 3 yo toddler conceived and born naturally. The day he was born was the most joyful and the most sad in my life in the meantime: I’ve become a new mom to my gorgeous sweet healthy baby boy and in that very day they removed my uterus because of the rupture in delivery. I don’t know how I survived that all.

In any case, time heals everything. Right? In our case, it did. Our son brought our family relationships to a new level. When I absolutely recovered, both psychologically and physically, we started very shy talks about having more children. I don’t remember who was the one to talk first. It doesn’t matter, actually. All talks led us to surrogacy. I mean we knew it’s quite possible for us but the first thought was that it will totally empty our wallets. It was our main concern. Well, we had certain saving but wasting it all on surrogacy sounded as a mad idea for us.

We’re from Norway, so opted international clinic since here surrogacy is under ban. Once I’ve met an article in a newspaper about a norvegian couple who became parents with the help of a clinic and surrogate from the Ukraine. we started to study the option. What we found was very good priced combined with a lot of positive reviews. So, we signed up just three weeks ago. It’s a big step for our family. We’re extremely overwhelmed. The future of our family is at stake.

Now we’re waiting to be matched with a surrogate mother. How longs will it take? They promise 1 to 3 months, no longer. But who knows. I hope it’ll be a quick as possible. How long did you wait for your surrogate? Once you’ve been matched, when did they allow you to meet her?

Thanks for reading my long posting


26 Replies

  • Hi Rasteny. Just wanted to wish you well with your surrogacy when it eventually goes through. I hope that you managed to keep your ovaries, so that you can have a generic match for your son. In the UK most women get to meet their surrogate early on and follow them through the pregnancy and often the birth. I have met several women who have been surrogates, and found them to be dedicated to what they are to do. I don't know what happens in the Ukraine, but I'm sure you will be informed how they go about it over there. You will need to have an interpreter and someone legal to support you too. let's hope it's not too long before you can have a lovely brother or sister for your son. Diane

  • hopefully, everything is ok with my ovaries and they approved me for own eggs stimulation. if it works, the baby will be absolutely ours genetically. they gave us only two attempts on our own, though.

  • Hi Rasteny. Oh I do hope all goes well for you. I shall be thinking of you. Diane

  • Hi, Diane. You're so supportive, thanks a lot

    it's a very thrilling time for me. everything is new for us. at times, I fell like a newborn who sees everything for the first time in my life. there are things that i didn't even know exist. all those words like PGD PGS ICSI were unknown to me just a couple of months ago.

    i'm now getting a bit more nervous coz the clinic we're using is currently on vocation as well as our manager Anastasia. my dh is afraid it'll make us wait longer. of course, we're impatient to start but what can we do?

    it's not easy to count the days


  • Hello! I am so happy for you! That must have been a tough decision for you. I am too opt for surrogacy, but unfortunately I am from US and for me it'll cost a little more to travel to Europe, though I am opting for the tx abroad, because with all expenses here in my home country it will cost me more than 100 thousand dollars which I can't afford. I have been thinking and asking about lots of clinics on different forums but vainly. I could not find anyone who'd explain me the best the tx abroad how it works etc. I am not infertile but I cannot carry a baby due to my kidney insufficiency, that's what is putting me down for so many years in a row. I had to do abortion, because one time I fell pregnant and I know that my condition does not allow pregnancy, I could potentially die. I am not blaming myself, not anymore, but... for some time of my life I felt like a murderer, because everything with my kid was fine, but I was so afraid of dying that I had to do what I did. I hope that with having a kid through surrogacy I will become happy again...

  • 100k is A LOT. our package which is all inclusive costs 49k with all guarantees, endless number of attempts, providing for a baby in case of premature birth, pediatrician, nanny, etc. why do you say you can't travel from the US? I don't know what state you're in, but I've heard there is a direct flight NY-Kiev that takes around 6 hours. This is quick, it seems. And the costs are around 300$. try search the details for this flight online. you shouldn't waste your money with US agencies. IMO

    There are a lot of clinics there in Ukraine, so you'll have what to choose from. we're with biotexcom. unfortunately, they are closed for vocation now. so if you decide, you may contact them in September. Their consultation is free, btw

    good luck

  • Yes, it is. That's an unbearable sum for our family so we have to find better solution if we want to pursue the surrogacy route. What? I have never heard of this flight, I always thought that we would spend at least 1000 dollars to travel to Europe, probably a bit less than this but still. Yeah, you are right, I know that I can trust us treatment but when I will have those sum, you have to work for years to collect it... I just hope to find a clinic where I can get professional tx for more adequate price.

    Thank you! But how is it your clinic is on a vocation, what about your program, it's put on pause or something??

  • yes, exaactly - a pause. you took the words right from my mouth.

    it's a pause for them, but for me it's an extra torture.

    oh, it seems that I'm becoming more and more obsessed with all that waiting

    my ds is the only one who draws my attention from all these surrogacy thoughts. he is the delight of my life and he is so active

    I'm always on a mover with him around

    now he is sleeping, so I have some time to relax and go searching through the web with my milk coffee around. smile

  • Good luck with your treatment! I hope they will find you a surro mom really quick and you will experience all of the joy of getting us pictures every single month, of meeting you surro mom on the 12 week, of waiting for you child to be born and then taking him back home! It’s an incredible experience, you may think that it is stressful or devastating, it may be both but that’s you who decide how to paint your mood while you wait for your surro and your baby! You know that bfn are really common I knew one couple who have tried with surrogacy 6 times I think, they didn’t give up and eventually they got their baby! I consider it as a miracle. But honestly it’s all thanks to the clinic’s politics, in biotex where I have net them you have an unlimited amount of attempts so they could try for forever if they didn’t succeed.

    I wish you to get your bfp from the first try and to spend those months in a joyful mood. xoxo

  • Thank you very much.

    Eventually, today my clinic opens up after 2-weeks holiday. I'm expecting for a call or email from my manager soon.

    I hope they have some good news for me.

    I'll keep you updated.

    Oh, I count every single day.

  • Great! Sure, keep us updated!

    We proceeded with the same clinic in 2014. Now we're parenting our boys who have turned 1 year just three weeks ago. This is a very exciting journey even though it's so much unusual. Still, I hope you'll get what you want - very soon!

    I'll be waiting for your updates.

    Sincerely and good luck

  • we waited for a little bit more than two months for a match. it's quite quick. I know that even in our clinic some couples waited for as long as 5 months. i don't know what are the reasons for such big difference.

    i hope it'll be quick for you, and of course - successful!

    it is worth waiting if you know you'll get so long awaited baby

    good luck

  • Lady_in_red, two months is ok, I think. What stage are you at now? are you satisfied with the service? what are potential problems/questions I shall ask about surrogate and fertilization process. i'm concerned that I'm still so illiterate in this process. they told we get to know our GC only when the pregnancy reaches 12 weeks

  • hi, everything’s fine. Thanks for asking. recently, we’ve been to Kyiv – it was our 16 weeks scans and ultrasound and the first time we met our surro. We could see our babies on the screen and that was a pivotal moment of the whole journey. They moved their arms and legs. One of them even rubbed his nose.

    Everything’s fine, our prenatal care ok. her blood tests show slight anemia. They prescribed special meds to her. I hope she’ll take very good care of herself. She seemed to be a nice lady

    As to the service, they have some flaws I mean we had to wait before we saw a doctor and you know, these lines everywhere – to every room. But in general it’s ok.

    As to meeting with surro, yes there in biotexx they allow meeting her only after the 12th week. They say it only makes sense when pregnancy reaches its safe stage

  • hey, wonderful news. i know how touching it is when you see your baby's image for the first time. and in your case - two babies! that's amazing. How's your surrogate? Is she feeling ok with your twins? i bet it's not easy to carry two babies but i hope she is doing her best

    as to our news - well, no news for today. we're still waiting for a call.

    time flies and i'm thinking of starting a diary of our fertility journey and then posting a blog. what do you think? I just thought it would be great if my experience helps a newbie like me to take a decision. when i first faced surrogacy, I heard a lot of new words that meant nothing to me. i took time to get things sorted out

    so what do you think? is it or good idea or just wasting my time?

  • is it wasting time or your hobby - you decide. if you used to have diaries before and you like writing then obviously your fertility blog makes sense. if it's just about being helpful to anyone it's a waste of time. if someone needs help, he'll find it. forums, friends, others blogs (there are a lot). I mean do it for pleasure and that's how it works

  • back then when I started my journey, i also had an idea of writing down my thoughts, ideas, impressions, conclusions and them sharing them in public. the case is I was very pressed for time then and having my own blog was impossible for me. I must admit i was following a few blogs of ladies in similar situations to mine. I got to know some interesting things and facts there.

    i'm sure you'll have a lot of followers if you care about it

  • sure, I enjoy writing and I used to have diaries before. the difference is that that were my personal diaries and I never shared in public. This time I have other motivation. this is not just for fun, joy or saving my thoughts. I really want it to be useful to others, to newbies like me. this is my motivation. i know how much you need guidance when you just start your surrogacy journey. ok, thank you for your ideas. i think i shall start and then we will see

  • hey, first step made. and ... I like it! I really enjoy writing.

    I'll share a link to my blog soon, not now. ok? just wanted to tell a little bit more yet had no time for this. on weekend, my mom is going take my son out and I'll devote some time to writing

  • Happy Monday, friends!

    if there's still anyone interested in reading my 'thinking-out-loud blog', grab a link havingababyafterhysterectom...

    don't judge too strictly. i'm a total newbie in this. as i've said: just thinking out loud and writing down the upper mentioned

    take care

  • I liked your ‘thinking out loud’, great reading and very informative in the meantime. For me, it’s quite fancy to compare the way it goes there in 2016 and how it was back in 2014 when we had treatment there. I’ll be following you so keep posting.

    BTW, sorry for the painful personal event in your life. Time heals. And yeah, we live only once so we should live this life to the fullest degree. The essence of life? You say children. Perhaps. They are our continuation. Still the sense of life is different for all of us. Some find it in arts, others – in family, travelling, love, friendship, business, whatever. Not everyone has already found it, though. It’s the most essential part of all this journey.

    My wish for you is to keep trying and searching. You’re a very string woman. Don’t give up. You’re with very good fertility specialists so I’m sure that very soon you’ll be cuddling with your baby number 2 and your son will finally have a sis.

  • Thank you, Kimderr. I noticed that so to say revealed from my stresses and worries when I express them in written form. Yes, those were the days that made me think a lot. Grieve days. In any case, life continues. Now I'm getting ready for my first stimulation ever with hope for baby number two in my family. the told me to do ultrasound today. i've already sent in to my supervisor in biotex clinic. i'm still waiting for their feedback. I know that the thickness of endometrium is 11 and I hope they say it's ok. hopefully, no abnormalities were detrmined. in any case, the shall tell me when I shall trigger stimulation with one-shot Dipherelin injection

  • Hello honey! I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I was born without a uterus. It was really hard for me, especially when I've got married and we decided to become parents. I'm really glad that you moved on and turned to surrogacy! I've also had this procedure in Ukrainian clinic in 2015. I became a mother of a beautiful baby girl and I'm so happy now! It took 2.5 months for our clinic(biotexcom) to find surrogate mother for us. We didn't expect they will do this so fast. I wish you all the best in your surrogacy journey! I hope you'll keep updating us with good news! By the way I really enjoyed reading your blog. That was a very good idea to start blogging about your journey! I think you'll inspire a lot of couples who have infertility struggle.

  • TaylorSt, all is well that ends well, you know. I'm happy you're now parenting your daughter and I'm sure you're the happiest mom in the world. I hope that everything will work for us as well. However, I still wish there were no women in need of surrogates and we all could have babies naturally. no way it's easy. how did you cope with your emotions? even when you already knew everything's fine, pregnancy confirmed, how did you manage the stress of being miles apart and out of control of the whole process? Maybe you can give some tips? It seems for me I'm going crazy

  • Just in three days my husband and I are travelling to Kiev to meet our surrogate mother for the first time! and to be present at ultrasound scan and hopefully - see our baby on the screen! SUPER EXCITED

  • I'm glad to see updates from you! I hope you'll share your emotions of your first scan with us! I remember our first scan. I couldn't hold back my emotions! I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time) That was really one of the best moments of my life! Then we were guessing what gender our baby was, we were waiting for the next scan, then for delivery... I should say time flew by really fast. I was nervous because I knew my baby was miles away. Honestly this was kinda hard. But we were coming for scans. We were receiving info about state of our sm and our little baby girl. My dh and I were discussing our pregnancy and our future baby all the time. We were thinking about names, about activities we'll do as a family. We were preparing child room and dreaming about time when there will be 3 of us. That's how we coped with the distance I think.

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