Fertility Network UK
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Struggling with my feelings

Hi there, my first post on here so quite nervous....I'm just about to go through first round of ICSI have been trying with my partner for around 4 years with no luck. It seems like it's taken such a long time to get to this point...anyway I found out from my mum today that my sister has had an abortion recently and I'm struggling with my feelings around it. My sister has 2 children already that I'm really close to and have helped her loads with but recently our relationship has become strained and now I understand why. My mum told me tests are showing she is pregnant and there has been some complications. I've text my sister to let her know she can talk to me but couldn't bring myself to phone her or go to see her because I know I will get upset and don't want to upset her further. I feel awful because in a way I feel jealous but I also know my sister is in an awful situation being a single mum.....any advice would be great. Thanks x

4 Replies

Goodness what a difficult thing to deal with my hear goes out to you, I hope your sister has got back to you xxx


Hi there, wow this journey is tough enough as it is without adding stresses like that. My recommendation would be to find someone you can really talk to, whether it is a counsellor at the clinic or a hypnotherapist who can help you let go of the emotional stuff you are carrying that could weigh you down affecting you emotionally and physically. x


I am the same... my sister gave birth last week. Prior to that I was accused of 'not asking enough questions' about the due baby, with my parents and my sister all shouting and questioning me. Yet, I had done nothing wrong. I was just getting on with things in my own little way. Gradually accepting and all that. All of this at a time when none of them asked once how I was, what stage the IVF was at, etc. Basically, one week after these accusations I attended my pregnant sister's wedding, when at that point I didn't want to see any of my family. I can't tell you how stressful it was. It sent me right back to square one... on top of this my sister was posting scans on-line, pictures of baby things and so on. So, how have I dealt with it? I tell them nothing and just get on with it. I visit and whatever they want, but they will never know how I feel, because if I tell them that I don't want to see babies, it will cause a huge rift... not that it needs to. I trust no-one now, and that is that. It has somehow spurred me on to focusing on trying harder to achieve a success. No stress is important. And I don't want to be paranoid about what people think, so I don't say anything. Sometimes I feel like I want to just make a new 'stranger' friend since everyone else (including my husband) seem to be judging me all of the time... I hope you work it out. It's awful.... Just try to grin and bear it.


Starting out in this process is incredibly emotional anyway and I remember feeling totally overwhelmed in the summer when I was where you are now (four years trying and first ICSI imminent).

The best advice I can give is to be kind but selfish. This of all times is the time to put yourself first and indulge any feelings you have and ride them out. Be kind, but honest with your family and take steps back when you need them. Equally involve them if you can do they can try to be sensitive (doesn't always work!)

One day at a time and look after yourself loads. Good luck, it's an emotional rollercoaster!



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