First day back at work after miscarriage and pregnant colleagues talking about their babies all afternoon...😑

[jray19]

Was ok in the morning. Announced to all and thanked them for their support. Got through the day with a brave face, but bam- hit a wall an hour before the end of the day.

Had had ENOUGH of pregnant colleagues talking about every aspect of their pregnancies in the different offices I worked in. I've heard about babies kicking, contractions, birth, maternity leave, wanting wine, leaving presents for baby/mum, tiredness, how excited they are, scans, a colleague pulling out a knitted jumper for baby, the whole lot.

It's baby central and it's just unfortunate timing. I am happy for them, but my loss is so raw right now.

I nearly lost it and cried uncontrollably until an intuitive colleague noticed my spaced out face and took me into a room for a chat and said she would tell our boss for me that I need to go home an hour early. It was so kind of her.

It saved a public melt down and allowed me some discretion. I don't want people to act differently around me, but it's so tiring putting the face on.😟💟

[hopeforICSI]

I completely understand your feeling huni. It's very hard you go through such situation. In my the failed embryos, turn by turn, three ladies from my immediate family got natural pregnancies and delivered sweet babies ahead of time. And when I remember my failed embie I uncontrollably start counting ages of my embie of they would've survived!!!! A killing calculation and imagination!!!!

My sister in laws baby girl, then my sister's, then my sister in law's, then my friend's, and now another sister in law's new pregnancy start just the month my embie did lose the battle!!!!!!

Looking on all these babies and longing for.. Imagining for... What if that embie could win the battle... What if I would've the same giggles around me....

All this and uncontrollable thoughts...

I am happy for all of them and never jealous of this, but a kinds of inner loss, pain grieve, grief that would be masked every time... Can't help that myself.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, and can completely relate to what you are saying. I had some understanding colleagues who gave me the opportunity to 'cry any time I wanted to'. I chose not to at work but found myself falling to pieces when I got home. This was exhausting and after about 5 weeks of this I broke down completely and ended up having 5 weeks off. Nobody understood the depths of my emotions and that I needed to grieve. The one thing that I learnt is just to take it one day at a time. Never mind anybody else, do what it is important for you and take really good care of yourself xxx

[pm27]

Thank goodness for your kind colleague.

It was rather insensitive of your pregnant colleagues to talk so openly about their pregnancies on your first day back. Obviously I won't expect them to not mention babies but they could have at least done it more quietly or saved it for lunchtime. Perhaps your kind colleague could quietly suggest they don't make the baby talk so obvious for now as you're feeling emotional after your miscarriage.

I've had 2 miscarriages from natural pregnancies and 2 failed rounds of ICSI. I'm finding it more and more boring listening to stories of what other people's babies and children get up to, I just sit there and zone out as I feel I have nothing to contribute.

[jray19]

Thank-you all for your kind comments and understanding. It is heartwarming to read on the morning of day 2 of 'return to work' as I leave the house. X

[applebird]

You should be giving yourself such a pat on the back right now to have actually got through that day and you are being so thoughtful and considerate of your colleagues. I recently had a miscarriage too and it is so hard to be near anything to do with pregnancy right now - I'm avoiding certain friends because of it! It's so much to handle so try to look after yourself and say to the others could they just cool the baby talk a little. They're being pretty insensitive and selfish, 'the hormones' is no excuse for it. Confide in the kind girl if you need some help to handle it so you can get through your work day more smoothly.

Huge hugs, you're doing great xxx

[Hidden]

Wow that's where I am although not the miscarriage part that was a long time ago for me but 2 big fat BFN under my wing and that's hard.

Pregnant lady in the office about to go maternity and all I flipping hear is baby talk. This that this that, I smile and show willing but it's hard and without having that envy part I do wish her well but also wish it was me getting those feelings and getting ready to go on maternity leave should have been baby born on July 27 if first cycle took or 12 weeks if second cycle took.

Break down if you have too, shout scream and let it out. Don't hold it in and be good to self this road is horrid and harsh without a soft cushion to soften blows.

Don't let it beat you....fingers crossed next time it will be you😘

[jray19]

Thank-you for your kind words. It is comforting to share similar woes.

I got through day 2, WITH meltdown!😢

We have a regular small group supervision space to discuss concerns about the work/ impact of personal life (as it's a challenging mental health role).

I broke down and talked a little about how hard it has been this last few weeks and how the return to work has been challenging (did not mention baby talk but did go into tmi about what happened, oh dear).

My colleagues/ managers were very supportive today about it and have been great about understanding that I'm not up to full duties at present and may need staff to cover.

I felt I gave tmi in this session, but also think it was good to break down and 'tell it how it is' in this contained space as I could communicate how I'm struggling, yet re-establish that I need to keep things normal and not discuss it in the offices etc.

Phew, what a day, but I'm feeling lucky, if a little exposed, and more able to just get on with it at work and be understood. I certainly don't want to cry there again and will just meet with friends to do that!

I will continue to avoid pregnancy related talk/ events but suspect that after this melt down there may be more awareness/ sensitivity from others.

😓💟

[Jellydog81]

Hi there, I am so sorry for your loss and I really do know what you are going through. I had a similar experience to the lady above, My baby had no heartbeat at six wks. My employers expected me back into work the next day after I had the bad news (I did go in) the two weeks around the time was my worst nightmare... I ended up having time off sick (my employers were not impressed) but I needed time.

After counselling, I've only just starting to feel more like myself but my advice to you is to talk about it and do what you want to do. Even if you feel like your repeating yourself and counselling does help.

Kim

[jray19 in reply to Jellydog81]

Gosh, your employers were really in the wrong there. I am lucky mine are supportive.

I'm glad you got support and yes, I will consider counselling if I feel the need as have found it helpful in the past.

X

[Jellydog81 in reply to jray19]

I know. I had my miscarriage almost a year ago. I have since left my job, I'm a nanny. To be fair to my employers they didn't have anyone else and their jobs are 'very important'. I didn't want to let them down but in the end I let myself down. Ive promised myself that I will put myself first in the future which is why I left my job.

**I am pleased that you feel more positive while at work. Stay strong**

Xx

[Soapsuds86]

Hey,

I know this post is a little old now but was just curious how ur doing now?

I'm due back in work the end of this week but I'm not sure if I'm quite ready after my miscarriage. Just can't bare being at home any more.

I haven't had support at work in the past 2 failed ivf's and this cycle I've shared and been more open but I still don't feel I can rely on them for support.

[jray19 in reply to Soapsuds86]

Hi

I hope you are ok to go back to work. Take your time. I think I went back too early. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't, so do what feels right for you. Try to find at least one supportive person.

I'm ok thank-you, after what turned into a horrific experience. It was not a miscarraige, but an ectopic pregnancy in the end. 4 scans and 12 weeks pregnant I got operated on and lost my baby and fallopian tube, and if ruptured I could have died. It was scary and traumatic.

On a positive note, I had a 3rd round of ivf and am now 11 weeks pregnant, and am eagerly awaiting my 12 week scan, hoping all is well.

Good luck and look after yourself.

X

[Soapsuds86]

🌟🌟Congratulations!! Wish you the best of luck and happiness! 🌟🌟

Sounds like you had a horrific experience prior to this pregnancy! For it to go on so long too.

I was rushed to hospital 3 weeks ago with excruciating pain in my lower back and leg ( like sciaticia ). They suspected ectopic and I had moderate ohss. My levels dropped though so it was pregnancy of unknown location and I then started to miscarry on mothers day 😢

Me and hubby went away last weekend as I can't stand being about the house any more. It just brings it all back. Just scared to be back at work as I work with the general public so never know who I'll end up speaking to. Could be a new mother walk in or someone with an agessive tone andI that'll start me off on my emotional roller coaster. It's so frustrating! As you say damned if you do and damned if you don't!

I may try it a couple of days and see how I get on. Need some normality but burst out crying every so often uncontrollably. Just need some understanding ( a lot of understanding ) from my work x x