Fertility Network UK


Just had a close family member tell me that my friends/family with children are jealous of my ability to go on holiday whenever I want and get plenty of sleep (due to being infertile).

I know she means well but it is so stupid and insensitive, and I don't know where to start in explaining this to her. I tried to explain that given a choice (as they were, actually) between having kids and having sleep+holidays, they would choose kids every time, as they did.

Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!! Feeling very wound up.

3 Replies

People often don't think and are stupidly insensitive there is no way to make people really understand how it feels unless they've experienced. Just tell her straight if she's close tell her just like that I have no choice all I want is kids I don't care about holidays or sleep!!

hugs to you just remember they think they're doing "good"


Aww maccerpops, im sure it was meant with the best intentions!

Have you made it known to friends and family that you are trying? I have choose not to tell everyone so far only the two girls I work with – obviously having time off from work for appointments (and being a general basket case at times) and two of my best friends (over a few to many bottles of wine). Other than that I find it very difficult to speak openly about the problems my partner and I are having trying to conceive.

My partner and I get it all the time – from the ‘oh you two are next’, ‘you know you are getting on you should start thinking about it soon’, ‘you wont be buying shoes/bags/coats like that when you have kids’. Usually I just laugh it off and have a wee moan to the other half later on but other times it does really get to me and i feel like saying 'yes hopefully we will be next', 'yes we are thinking about it, its all i bloody think about'!

Any time you feel like a rant feel free to send me a message :o) xx


We have been trying for 3 years and I have had 2 lots of surgery for endometriosis and tubal repair. Now onto IVF, so yeah the family & close friends all know.

Even when I had my operations, I was surprised at what seemed like a lack of interest or support from certain people, and it upsets me when they say things like that as it seems like they are just totally downplaying what I am going through. I get the same kind of "oh well, that's a shame dear" that I would expect if I had told them I saw a pair of shoes I really liked but they didn't have my size, rather than 'I am having to deal with the real possibility of never being a mother or grandmother, and having to deal with my husband never being a Dad or Grandfather due to my inability to conceive'.

I know its hard to know what to say, but I just want some acknowledgement of my pain sometimes.


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