Fertility Network UK

Ran out of Optimism BUT hoping still for a happy ending

The journey of infertility is a long and emotionally challenging one....from complete and utter devastation and a deep sense of sadness in finally accepting that the odds are most definitely against me of having my own baby now at the age of 44. I feel that I have been grieving for the child I will never have for the last 12 months since we paid privately to see a consultant and were told the harsh reality of our situation...ivf / icsi, egg donation or adoption. Choosing which path you go down is a very individual thing and perhaps if money was no option then my outlook and opinion would be different. But for me, ivf is like a lottery and psychologically it has that potential to play havoc with your mind, getting obsessed almost to keep trying for a positive outcome, when in actual fact, that positive outcome only happens for the minority of people rather than the majority, if statistics were really telling you the truth. But ofcourse statistics will never provide you with the information we really want to see...because the world of infertility and ivf is a business and if the 'real' statistics were to be published then it wouldn't be the profitable business that it is today. I'm sure I'm not alone to have the feeling of total isolation in this journey of infertility and not being able to talk to many people about my situation. Perhaps I'm just not aware of what supports are out there. I know I tried before to find out if there were any support groups around my area but had no success. And so, I call on my reserves and inner strength to...just keeping going, try and remain positive, fit and healthy and believe that what will be....will be. BUT, it has taken us a year to think long and hard about adoption and felt for so long that we were totally stuck and unable to move forward. Now we have finally decided that adoption is worth exploring so we'll see where that takes us

2 Replies

I feel for you the journey is long and hard your right. I know you would love a baby of your own but I think it's amazing you are considering adoption there are so many children out there that need a loving family and it sounds like you have a lot of love to give. I have been trying for a baby for 6 years and had 1 failed ivf and am also looking into donor eggs or adoption which is something I never thought I would be open too but I think when you exhaust all your other options it doesn't seem like such a scary thing. I know I have enough love to give a baby/child even if it's not biologically mine.


Sorry to hear of your difficulties but there are others out there. We've had two miscarriages and a failed IVF but are still plugging on with different options and also thinking about adoption or surrogacy. A lot of emotions and deep thinking decisions are needed but all we can do is give it our best shot because there are some success stories. Whatever route you take, including adoption, can get it's rewards in the end.


You may also like...