The journey of infertility is a long and emotionally challenging one....from complete and utter devastation and a deep sense of sadness in finally accepting that the odds are most definitely against me of having my own baby now at the age of 44. I feel that I have been grieving for the child I will never have for the last 12 months since we paid privately to see a consultant and were told the harsh reality of our situation...ivf / icsi, egg donation or adoption. Choosing which path you go down is a very individual thing and perhaps if money was no option then my outlook and opinion would be different. But for me, ivf is like a lottery and psychologically it has that potential to play havoc with your mind, getting obsessed almost to keep trying for a positive outcome, when in actual fact, that positive outcome only happens for the minority of people rather than the majority, if statistics were really telling you the truth. But ofcourse statistics will never provide you with the information we really want to see...because the world of infertility and ivf is a business and if the 'real' statistics were to be published then it wouldn't be the profitable business that it is today. I'm sure I'm not alone to have the feeling of total isolation in this journey of infertility and not being able to talk to many people about my situation. Perhaps I'm just not aware of what supports are out there. I know I tried before to find out if there were any support groups around my area but had no success. And so, I call on my reserves and inner strength to...just keeping going, try and remain positive, fit and healthy and believe that what will be....will be. BUT, it has taken us a year to think long and hard about adoption and felt for so long that we were totally stuck and unable to move forward. Now we have finally decided that adoption is worth exploring so we'll see where that takes us
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