What is the hardest thing for you to ... - Fertility Network UK
What is the hardest thing for you to manage as you try to conceive?
241 VotersPlease select one:
I could pick any of these depending on my feeling at that moment!!!
Me too FG!! X
Me 3!
Me 4! 
Good poll x
I would say that the answer I choose as having the most impact (other people having babies) leads on to the other answers all affecting me too i.e. that creates pressure on your relationship and leads to expectations and questions from family and friends. Not being able to move (to a more affordable area and a house because that would mean changing PCTs and messing up treatment and funding) also creates pressures, along with stagnating in your career and not performing well at work because of the worry and stress of IF and TTC. NHS treatment availability and timescales is also hell.
Since my fertility problems were identified 8 months ago after 14 months of trying to conceive I've had 8 friends and close aquaintances announce pregnancies and now they're giving birth. I've also spent 13 weeks waiting for a lap and dye / hysteroscopy, had 2 weeks off work to recover from the operation, a further two weeks signed off with stress / depression and low mood a few months later, waited 3 months for an NHS counselling appointment and have wasted countless days and evenings moping about feeling angry, depressed, frustrated, alone, hopeless, ignored, sad and despairing. I've lost touch with friends and my social life has deteriorated. I've been under-performing at work. And I've had countless arguments with my husband and we're almost a breaking point. That's how IF has affected me......
Me 5....IF is a heartbreaking, totally underestimated problem which rips lives apart, after 12 years, numerous lost friendships, 8 IVF attempts & 50k, our dreams finally became reality last year, but I must say Im still bitter, resentful & struggling to leave the unfairness of our journey behind, I will never ever EVER forget the empty, depressing feeling that IF brings.....keep the faith my lovelies, it does work xxxxx
My 1st day on this board and felt the need to stick my oar in! I'm not surprised that my answer was in the majority, that its hardest to see everyone else having their babies. For me, its slightly different - I've been blessed with a gorgeous son 3 years ago, after 4 miscarriages and still feel very lucky every day. We've been trying for a sibling for most of the last 3 years because I knew time and my history was against us, but nothings happened and we've just started our 1st ICSI cycle with PGD. I find it managable when friends and celebs have their 1st babies, seem to cope with that well - its when they announce their 2nd, especially when their 1st is younger than my son. Its sounds petty I'm sure to those who don't understand secondary infertility but Im really struggling. I have 3 or 4 close friends all trying for thier 2nd at the moment and a friend who got pregnant with her 2nd 'by mistake' and wasn't happy about it - all very very hard to deal with. I hate feeling jealous, its one of the worst emotions - and worse when I know how hard those friends have found it to tell me their good news, knowing how hurt i will be deep inside, no matter how well I hide it. Blimey its hard
Dear Treacle
Experiencing secondary infertility, having families smaller than you'd hoped or wished for is one of the reasons ACeBabes was established.
Do have a look at acebabes.co.uk
Thank you for sharing the normalities of secondary infertility. -you don't sound petty and we do wish you success with your ICSi cycle.
It is hard and we're pleased you've found a place to share.
Tracey
Thank you everyone for sharing, if you have poll suggestions do get in touch!
Tracey
The question about not being able to plan anything about your career is kind of right but only one small piece - the overwhelming feeling was not being able to plan anything about my life or even know where my life was going.
You couldnt necessarily plan a holiday or break easily because you didnt know when the next cycle was, you didnt feel like, money would be an issue; meeting with friends who had babies you were conscious of sometimes being excluded because you didnt have a child - and the lives of friends with kids does revolve around the kids many times, not because they mean anything bad towards you, that is just how it is.
All the above affect me atm the most hardest thing is people around me having babies and friends having older children is hard for me too.
all of the above affect me but more so the fact that everyone around me is on to having their second, third and sometimes fourth child and i cant seem to have one although i have been pregnant before i always miscarry. i feel very socially excluded as i dont have a child, i feel very sad that i am being left behind, ive always wanted a large family but just to have one child of my own would mean the world to me x
I totally agree with all of the above comments!! Especially about work suffering as at the moment I have absolutely no interest in my job whatsoever. I have no support other than my partner as all my "friends" have children and dont relate or sympathise with what we are going through. I could just sit and cry and feel soooo frustrated!! Its great to finally be in touch with people who know and understand how it feels xx
Thank you for all your comments - they just help to confirm the difficulties we all have to manage when dealing with fertility problems. We will be posting a new poll soon - any ideas for a topic?
Mostly the feeling of complete hopelessness and despair and worry that it may never happen. The worry about a possible future without children when it is ALL I have ever wanted and wondering how or if I will cope with that.
I cannot believe that I have found this website it's helped me soo much, after spending all our savings on fertility treatment and test we were then told that I had a blocked Fallopian tube and to make matters worse my best friend who wasn't even trying to have a baby found out she was pregnant the month I found out my tube was blocked. It's just soo unfair I have been trying for months and months its got to a point where I have become very depressed and just want to stay at home I don't even want to go out into public unless I have to its affected me soo bad that I even feel suicidal it's distroying my mental state it's killing me inside.
friends having babies with no problems trying conceive....and insensitive questions comments from family member.
Having periods
Family members who don't particularly get on with having babies
My relationship with my own husband
Stress of relationships with others
& all emotions - depression anxiety
The sense it's never going to happen. And why us when there is people who don't deserve children who have them .. But people who want them the most don't get that
