I'm mum to two adopted siblings (aged three and one) I fairly recently found out birth mother drank heavily (as well as drug use) during her pregnancy with my little boy, though apparently a little less with his younger sister. My son is currently a lot more challenging than my daughter - although that may be age and gender related! I haven't had an official diagnosis for either child, but after reading resources on this site I can identify with a lot of 'symptoms' in my son and some with my daughter. His behaviour is more challenging with me than anyone else, largely as a result of his jealousy and clinginess.
I love them both to bits but I'm finding it really hard to cope with their behaviour, especially now they have started to fight. I have got sporadic appointments with speech therapists, and with the community paediatrician (and have mentioned FASD to her) but the diagnosis seems so slow, Although social and medical services know about Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, no one seems to undestand about the 'Spectrum'. If anyone can share their experiences or suggestions for getting a diagnosis, or can suggest North East based support I'd be really grateful!
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StressedMum
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Drop a note to Sarah at familysupport@fasdtrust.co.uk and she can advise of your nearest support groups and plans for your area. There are parenting workshops and support groups in February in Leeds, Yorkshire, if that helps.
Hard work with them at this age. Try going back to your GP and asking for help. Ask if portage or anything similar is available in your area and for your 3 year old strong suggest you ring up the local education authority special needs section and ask about a special nursery placement and getting a statement. They will be able to advise and may help too.
Thanks very much for your helpful answer - I live near Newcastle upon Tyne, so Leeds is a bit far too (because I don't get much free time to myself!) but will investigate further with Sarah.
My son is already at the primary local school nursery and after a slow, stressful and shaky start this September, he does seem to enjoy it (it takes him a long time to settle in somewhere new and he's - unsurprisingly - a bit developmentally behind the other kids.) It does seem to have improved his confidence and communication ability a bit too - although it almost seems like he holds in his 'challenging' behaviour to use with me on his return home!
I did mention my FASD suspicions to his teacher but she did the usual, "oh he hasn't got that - his face looks 'normal" response. Though she has been quite patient and he has bonded with her more than I thought he would. I think I'd like to keep him in mainstream schooling if he can cope - but will look into getting a statement as I think that might help a lot in the future. I'll try going to the GP too as our initial referral was via the health visitor.
Thanks again - it's nice to know you aren't alone!
Wehave an adopted son of 6yrs old who has been with me since birth. I would like to tell you what has worked for us and made our house a happier and less stressful environment.
We knew that our son had Fas at birth and so did the health care and social work professionals but it took until he was almost 5yrs to obtain a diagnosis. The diagnosis has made very little difference to the care he receives.
The first thing I would advise is to presume they have it as early intervention does help but a word of caution, BE POSITIVE for both you and your children. The information on Fas is very depressing and before long, life is spent worrying about all the possibilities of the future.
Behaviour was a huge concern for us from an early age. Traditional parenting and advice from professionals not only did not work but was counterproductive. After much confusion and trial an error we adopted the nurtured heart approach by Howard Glasser with excellent results. this can be adapted for very young children. Most children I understand to have been through the care system and this too can make the child feel less secure with triggers that "drop them down a time hole" resulting in certain behaviours. Emotional behaviour is very often considerably less than the child's chronological age and they can exhibit a range of emotional ages at the same time!
We have had numerous professionals in our sons young life, some very necessary, others not so. Each is keen to pass on their expertise but often poorly understand Fas. We found the following professionals helpful
An occupational therapist with expertise in sensory processing disorder. Sensory issues are common in children with Fas and result in behaviours deemed often to be naughty and or socially unacceptable.
A paediatric neuropsychologist when the child is old enough. Educational psychologists will often measure the child's IQ but this is a poor indicator of how the child can actually function.
Other measures we have found helpful are an excellent diet free of additives.
Melatonin to help with sleep.
Be cautious with your support network, you need people around you that will not only be able to share with you what life is really like but to be able to lift your spirits. Supporting each other is important but listening to others doom and gloom is not helpful.
Go with the flow, take each day as it comes, ensure they are always in a very nurturing environment and trust your own instincts!
Thank you for your very useful advice - I think you are so right - some of the info on FASD is really depressing and after the intial light bulb/relief moment of - 'oh - that makes perfect sense' I was starting to worry about the negativity of the outlook for children with FASD.
I've decided to look at some of these publications as 'worst case scenarios' - some of it seems to apply to my kids, some definately doesn't, and as with anything else, they are individuals with their own personality quirks, traits, likes and dislikes.
I find your point about sensory processing disorder really interesting too as my husband's (biological) niece has recently been diagnosed with this, although she doesn't have FASD - and I've already had a few conversations with my sister in law about commonalities in our kids' 'challenging' behaviour. I'll definately investigate further.
I think one major problem with FASD is the stigma attached - people like teachers and health care workers can be quite accepting, to some extent understanding and even sympathetic (though no doubt not always) if you say that your child's unusual behaviour is related to the autistic spectrum for example - but the FASD label throws up a whole range of questions that you'd probably rather not get into - for the sake of your children's privacy/feelings and also your own!
I'll also check out Howard Glasser - the reviews look excellent and seem to follow my New Year plan to 'live in the now' and focus on the postives (maybe I'm reading a few too many of these self help books?!) I'll also look into your other suggestions - though we do have problems aiming for an excellent diet - our kids are really faddy eaters like a lot of pre- schoolers, though seem to be getting better. Texture of food is a problem (linked to sensory processing/just a young child thing?) for our son - so fruit and vegetables aren't popular!
Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to answer my post - much appreciated.
You are welcome! Faddy eating is a HUGE issue for us and fruit and veg needs to be disguised. Our son likes strong flavoured foods and has problems with texture, all linked to sensory processing. Oh it's hard work!
Like you I have read lots on FASD and it can be very disturbing reading, and I think you are right Maclean, I would still like a diagnosis so that if problems arise I have a strong basis for accessing the help he needs, not the help they have!! I very much enjoy the positives so for a wee example to lighten the subject -
L - I used to visit my gran and she had a parrot, I was allowed to touch the parrot
Me - Thats nice did you like it
L - Yea but she's dead now
Me - aw thats a shame.... the parrot??
L. - The parrot or my gran... I'm not really too sure, I didn't really like either so I wasn't really listening.
It made me "laugh out loud"
We need to be prepared for anything so that we can enjoy the good bits
Hello, I run the FASD Network which is a FASD organisation dedicated to the north east region. I have just seen your messages. I am not sure why you haven't been signposted earlier because I have been working regionally for 3 years now. I run groups in Newcastle, Teesside and North Yorkshire too. Happy to help in any way. I look forward to getting to know you.
Hi, I'd really recommend you join the FASDUK Facebook group. There are 1600 members and lots of people in the North East - I think it was set up there x
Hello, not sure if this was meant for me but I posted this message 5 years ago and have been in the FASD UK Facebook group since then! 😁 Thank you though, I appreciate your help and agree it’s a fab group! X x
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