Now I am stressed my little boy whom I have legal guardianship for my step grandson is in first year at school having completed reception and now displaying behaviour problems he doe have a diagnosis of fas but now instead of me getting it at home all the time he is hitting other children every day this only happens at play times when obviously there is not so much supervision they have put a behaviour plan in place but basically saying if it happens again they will have to exclude him for few days which to me is a reward because he doesn't like school he is booked for play therapy in January due to both parent problems whilst he was with them but had him at the age of 16 months now feel nothing is working at my wits end as he is only now 5

Many thanks to any one who can read this

12 Replies

  • Hi Caz2caz,

    We have this problem at school, our boys have never made friends and get too close/touch the other children which inevitably ends in the kids hitting each other. After much insistence from us the school agreed to provide supervision at play and lunch times, which really helps - if needed the boys are also taken inside for some quiet play with Lego etc.

    It seems a bit harsh for your school to talk about exclusion when they should really be helping your little one - do you think they might agree to some supervision? I even suggested at one time that I would be able to go in daily and provide such supervision for them; the school soon put an alternative in place!

    I presume you have an EHCP or statement; are break time needs mentioned in that?

  • Thanks much appreciated for info will go into school on Monday and discuss more

  • Hi Caz2caz, we had the same with our AD. It was a very stressful time, and she also attacked the teachers. She had a couple of short exclusions, which wasn't good. However, what helped was almost full time 1:1, stickers, targets, positive rewards etc rather than punitive. It took them a long time to understand her, but the 1:1 they got in the end was very experienced in behavioural problems which was a help. She got a Statement for about 25 hours eventually. Also, diagnosed with ADHD aged 8, so was put on medication for this which helped her to calm down. It gets very stressful for them I suppose when bigger expectations are made of them that they can't manage. They need to understand that these children need lots more supervison, structure, and help with social skill development. I do hope he gets the help he needs.

  • Thanks for that info will look into more support

  • Was exactly our situation too. I could have written your post. School need to be more understanding of FASD. Phone the FASD Trust helpline and get some copies of their leaflet for teachers and if you can persuade school try and organise some training. Our little man ( my grandson to too) now age 8 doesn't cope in crowded situations such as playtime, unstructured lessons and lining up. He has super sensitive hearing and sensory overload. He's been excluded twice and unfortunately schools behaviour plan didn't have a hope of working. It's taken 3 years to get them on board and our wonderful paediatrician is holding a professional meeting at school next week and then I'll try persuade them to have some training from the Trust. we also have a disability support charity called the Kids Hub which have been very supportive. It's tough but our children are worth the struggle. Good luck, Liz

  • Oh thank you it's good to no that I'm not alone beginning to think it's something I'm doing wrong it is so hard to understand his behaviour

  • No it's definitely not you. If you read Juilia's book available from the Trust and worth every penny, you realise that usual behavioural techniques like time out etc just don't work for our children, but this confuses school. The head at my little ones school reprimanded him in the morning for kicking a classmate and gave him a pep talk and then got very angry in the afternoon because he hit a child with a tennis racquet. She thought he just wasn't taking any notice of her instead of understanding FASD and the resulting behaviour. Tricky for school as well though because other children's parents have complained. This is why management in school is key. We have gradually learnt what works and what doesn't through trial and error. Just been turned down for an EHCP assess so this is the next fight!! Onwards and upwards!! Take care of yourself

  • Thank you

  • Do get Julia and Dr Mather's book - you can get if from Amazon -

    Tell school, as he is diagnosed that they need to be very careful in excluding him because of behaviour which is known to be a "symptom" of his disability as they run the risk of falling foul of the Disability Discrimination Laws.

    Send an email to and ask for a copy of the teachers' guide and ask about training for the school. We do a lot of twilight sessions (after school sessions for staff), inset days and there are also our open public days which the school can send a staff member along to - details here

    Look for yourself for the nearest support group because as others have said it is important you also look after yourself!

  • Thank you for information my head is all over the place at the minute and thanks I am a member of the group in peterbough but haven't been for a while really need to go again as I feel very isolated at the moment

  • I also already have that book and a couple more about Fasd

  • Do please get in touch with the Peterborough group or go onto the Facebook Group as well. They have lots of people who can help in Peterborough with school stuff as well.

    We are all with you and it does get better -especially in your head!

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