The FASD Trust
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Role reversal?

Does anyone else have an FASD child that constantly turns the situation around? My daughter is an expert at it but it is detrimental to her learning anything be it school work or how to behave etc. It never seems like the point has sunk in because before I know it she's checking if I'm alright and telling me what she's going to do and "do I understand?". She copies all my language and tones and it's quite hard to take being talked to like that by a 7yr old not in the least because she obviously hasn't grasped the adult child relationship. Any tips anyone? Feeling quite exhausted and lacking in any authority whatsoever.

5 Replies

Wish I could offer you advice but I can empathise as my 10 year old FASD daughter is much the same, although without the benefit of checking whether I'm ok or understand. She completely misunderstands her position in the family and believes that she should get our respect without offering any in return. it can be very wearing. Any ideas anyone?

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These kids are just copying you but have no understanding of what they are saying. You will need to tell them what they are supposed to say. Also some of these kids have a need to externalized everything they are doing and saying and give a running commentary on what they are going to do and what they are going to say, eg I am going to say, I love you and give you a hug, are you ready for a hug? I love you, I just said I love you." and on it goes all day.... you learn after a while to screen it out, when it gets too bad, tell them it is time to stop talking, (gives you 2 minutes peace). You can try politely redirect too, "Thank you for asking. I am fine. Please go now and play with your dolly".

Try as well teaching scripts, eg, "when visitors arrive we say, hello, welcome, then you go into the living room while mummy makes them a cup, of tea.". or, "when daddy is sad, you can give him a hug, then you need to go play with your dolly and let him talk to mummy".

Have you had her receptive language level assessed. This is done by speech and language therapy. If not, you will probably find that although she talks well she does not actually understand the majority of what is being said to her, hence the copying or "inappropriate" replies.

You end up having the ability to conduct two conversations at once, which is very funny when you are on the phone and the poor person at the other end does not realise you are talking to your child as well as them!!!!!!


Very good booklet on how FAS FASD children think and Act . By Mary Cunningham. can down load for free at Under documents " Educational Success.


Thanks everyone, feeling a bit better today. Telling her what she should say in a couple of situations, rather than "don't say that", worked. The fasaware website is great too. Much appreciated.


Do not forget Adopted Parent's of the following, can now apply too schools for Pupil premium plus £1900pa.

Also includes children on SGO's , and for family carer's., just have too take in Copy of relevant Court document. all is confidential. Can buy in educational support , OT's , Training for TA's, extra tuition,

Lessons, in or out of school , strategy's which include inclusion's. etc., etc., Is for children who have left care into adoption ,SGO, Family care too help with any future problems, funds can be used for whole school if not needed for the individual.

Their is also Adoption support fund for children and family's who need a package of on going support for some time , this can be applied for through your LA or agency. see


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