How can I make it right

[Coleen1]

My 6 year old was being very different one day and I lost it and hit him round the face I apologized to him and quickly gave him a cuddle this is the only time I had hit my son now he has told the school I hit him round the face the school not contacted social services but wants my son to go to ,Elsa is this to find out what is going on at home I've never hit my son her and feels so bad the effect it's had on my son I've reassures my son it will never happen again my son says he's not sure if he wants to go away I told mummy don't want you to go and that I love him how can I try and make things right again my order ha's

[Sandy_FASD Partner]

Hi Colleen -

First of all, it's never ok to hit a child, we have to emphasise this. It sounds like you know that. Sometimes situations are really challenging and things can escalate. If that is something that you struggle with, discuss it with your GP, maybe the school, or other support people and they can put you in touch with people who can help.

It's always important to take a deep breath, to try to calm a situation before it keeps getting worse. When FASD is involved it means a person's brain is wired differently and sometimes can get overloaded and the person can go into 'fight/flight' mode. It makes it really hard to control impulses, sometimes people say things they don't mean, etc. This isn't always 'on purpose' but a reaction to a whole lot of things that build up.

When things are escalated, it's not possible to 'talk' through a situation. It's always best to put safety first, to calm a situation, to lower voices, speak slowly. In our house we used to say anyone could say "Take 5". And that meant we all need to stop talking, stop whatever was happening and take 5 deep breaths, counting together.

It's not clear from your post what role FASD plays in your lives.

If your little one has FASD, there are strategies that can help decrease tensions in the house and at school. See resources here: nofas-uk.org/?cat=25. There are ways to help if a child is in meltdown. Some information and links about that are here: nofas-uk.org/WP/wp-content/...

If you have FASD and are raising a child, that can be very challenging. There are ways for you to find support through local services. The school can help tie you in with various services and support. There are charities out there like Mencap and Mind who might be able to help you tie in with local services.

If you are on Facebook, the FASD UK Facebook group is a great place to go for some more support from others who know about FASD and can link you into local support groups across the UK: facebook.com/groups/FASDUK/

All good wishes. Just remember, love matters most. Even on the hard days, it's so important to reconnect. Hang in there!