Attachment problems and fas

[Love2nag]

Hi,I was hoping that you maybe able to give some advice with regards to my 6 year old daughter.She has been diagnosed with fas and a complex attachment style.My problem is that after 4 years she is now responding to being dependent on adults ( to family only)..it is a joy to see her behaving and enjoying as a 3 /4year old .Sadly we return to school (year2) soon and they have no evidence of difficult behaviour / sensory overload .She is very independent and indeed the ed psych saw no evidence of transition difficulty,she asks for help from her peers and is controlling in the playground.She is a popular girl but gets no invites to homes !!!?Indeed I do all the invitations ?She now tells me that she needs t see me to feel safe and is angry with me when I pick her up from school .I guess I need advice as to whether I am being over protective and that she is good in school and that this is a home problem and the transition to home.Or she is so good at masking her feelings and is only safe to expose her anger at home which is very structured.

Thanks very much from a confused mum

I

[racheyhuk]

Hiya, my daughter also misses me in school and it had been so bad when she's fallen that I've had to go in several times to soothe her.

It's very common for FAS children to hold it together in school and then let it all out at home in their own safe space, my daughter does exactly that with bells on!

She is scared in school and can't tell the teachers, she gets through her day by being compliant and quiet. As she's not naughty she's flown under their radar.

School told me she has friends when in reality she stalks other kids until they tell her to go away or give in and let her play with them for a very short period of time. We don't get invited anywhere either, it's quite sad really.

In school she also she struggles with instructions, self care, physical activities, and definitely unstructured time, I had to point all this out though before they could see it (not bad considering I'm even in school with her!!)

You are doing a fantastic job if your daughter can tell you how she's feeling, you need to wear that badge with pride!!

It's not a home issue, it's part of her diagnosis that she finds any transition difficult and she's been so good in school all day her anxieties then show themselves at home.

Reassure her and maybe give her a small transitional object to keep and touch in her school like a photo keyring of you both or a keyring teddy with your perfume on.

I also never ever say goodbye, I always say something like I'll see you at 3.20 when I'll be here to pick you up. If I say goodbye she absolutely hates it and it feeds her insecurity like an all you can eat buffet, so it's always see you later

School need to see through the compliant behaviour.

The fasd trust have a guide for teachers which is really good it's only £2.50, I've bought it ready to take to school in September.

Where are you in the UK?? I'm in South Wales xx

[ojzj2012 in reply to racheyhuk]

Hi where can I get the book from to give my sons reception teacher when he starts in September please. As a lot of people who don't know his background or him very well assume he is fine and I have been worrying about it. Many thanks

[racheyhuk in reply to ojzj2012]

If you email family [e-mail] they will send you one for a £2.50 donation

[ojzj2012 in reply to racheyhuk]

Thankyou so much

[Love2nag in reply to racheyhuk]

just want to say Thankyou for your support and suggestions.I am feeling a bit overwhelmed today and so will reply more fully when it is a better day..Going to watch Zootropolis with 2 giggly girls and eat SWEETS !!

[dianakitten15]

Hi there,

I couldn't agree more with the previous response, my son was exactly the same on every single point made, and yes you need to get the FASD Trust leaflet and also information on the next FAS in Education training dates (see FASD Trust Website) and speak to your school SENCO, in order to further educate the school about your child's needs. Your child is not coping well with school at the moment, her behaviour is demonstrating that (being angry with you after school or saying she needs to see you to feel safe) is her way of communicating that to you. The school are not seeing the problems, unless they have been trained in FASD they are not going to, but you most definitely are, ( you as her parent are the expert), and therefore, in the meantime you need to give to your SENCO a list of strategies that you feel will help your daughter eg. structured break times (unstructued times are a'no go' for FASD kids) therefore ask what other options are available for you daughter eg. can she do something inside the school instead? Can she do a luntime club, learn to play an instrument? Also, and if possible for you, ask can you pick up your daughter over the lunchtime period ie. the longest unstructured break period and the most daunting, can she have a buddy, can she reduce her hours? These are in fact the 'sensory breaks' that children with FASD need in order to regulate their emotions. Think back to school with the hundreds of other children, the changes in teaching staff, the noisy canteen, the numerous instructions etc. Children with FAS become sensorily overwhelmed in mainstream schools and you simply need to say to your SENCO (in writing). My child, diagnosed with FASD and attachment, has sensory issues. This is causing her to feel overwhelmed (give examples ie she is tired and cross when she comes out of school, she wants me there etc) and currently impacting upon her enjoyment of school. Therefore, I would like to suggest the following strategies which I feel will help my daughter by reducing her sensory overload. (attach the FAS leaflet and also the training dates).This can then be monitored for improvements etc with you and SENCO working together to meet your childs needs. Also, look on the FASD website for a FASD LInk Group (a support group for parents and carers), to see if there is one near you.

I hope this helps.