ivf with donor egg

Hello, hope for your help. I’m stuck, have no idea what to do. I’m 32, married, no kids. I was diagnosed with PCOS last year. Of course it was a shocking ‘news’. We were ttc for a long time. We’ve been dreaming about having children for 8 years already. But my doctor told me about medical treatment, that medicines will help and I have all chances to get pregnant. We put all our hope in this treatment. I spent one year in clinics, buying pills and other stuff. We spent so much nerves and money on this. Unfortunately no result. Only now I understand, that everything is not that easy as I thought. I really believed that I will be that lucky one, who get pregnant thanks to treatment. I can’t understand, why me? What have I done to deserve this. I’ve read so many stories about successful treatment. I’m happy for those women, but it makes me so sad nothing helped me… There are so many reports in the news about women, who throw their new born babies out. I personally know a couple of women, who made an abortion and not once. I’m not judging in no case! Different situation can happen in life. I’m just asking why God gives them children they don't want? And here I am, who wants to have kids more then anybody else, but I can’t. I don’t mean to be rude. I just have all this feelings and thoughts inside… They don’t let me live happily. I can’t accept childless life. My doctor told me, that my only chance to become a mother is ivf with donor egg. I have no idea about this procedure. Where should I look for donor egg? Will it be ok to carry someone else’s child? Will I love this baby? I have so many doubts! Girls, please, help me to figure it out…

14 Replies

  • If you want a child this much does it really matter that the egg isn't yours ??? When you go through the process of picking a doner they will be picked for similarity to you ! So the baby would more than likely have your hair colour obviously nothing is definite but there is a higher chance if the Doner has the same major characteristics if that's the right word to describe it!!

    You would still carry that child for 9 months and bound with it, you would be the one that gives birth to it so it is no one else's baby just yours. That baby would like the same things you like as it tastes them when you eat them when pregnant. Some of the clinics I have looked at for egg sharers have a higher success rate than some of the standard IVF clinics. There are clinics that specialise in Doner eggs 1 I have looked at is Londons women clinic which isn't just based in London btw.

    The one question is though if you have so many doubts ATM are you ready for this ? If you want a baby so badly why have you got so many doubts ? I don't mean any offence with these questions just think they are questions you need to ask yourself before you make any decisions.

    Hope this helps and all the best !

  • Thank you for your advices and support! I'll definitely keep in mind all you've said. I'll talk with my family again... But they don't support my desire at all. They think this procedure is wrong and unnatural. They try to convince me to wait or simply accept childless life. But I can't live like this! I feel like depression eats me from inside. I pray and believe everything will change for the best and we'll become parents one day.

  • I'm not sure why your family wouldn't support you in this and if you feel so strongly you shouldn't fight your feelings you can't allow yourself to be depressed to keep your family happy !

    The problem with people that haven't been in your situation don't know how it feels or what they would do in your place and they will never understand how it feels !

    There are a lot of people on here who are here to try and help and support you and they have more idea of how it feels

    Hope you know your not on your own !!!

  • Thank you for your kind words! You warm my heart and inspired to keep going to my goal. I really don't understand my family. Instead of support I receive only criticism and judgement because of my decision. But it's my life and my choice! Now I spend 24/7 in the Internet, trying to find some answers. I must say it's not easy... There are so many controversial reviews. I hope I'll find all needed info. I appreciate your help!

  • Same situation here. I was diagnosed with PCOS 6 years ago. My only chance to become a mother was ivf with donor egg. I also had so many doubts! All these thoughts you are talking about never left my mind. The greatest fear was that I will not be able to give love to this child, because it won't be genetically related with me. It's much more easier for man to accept this procedure. In any case there will be blood relation between them. But I decided to try and forget about my confusion. I must say I have no regrets! One more problem was prices. Costs for this procedure are very high in USA and Greece. It was hard to find clinic with professional doctors, quality service and affordable price. Also we've read so many reviews about scammers and fake agencies. Those people know nothing about empathy. After a couple of months of thorough search, reading of hundreds reviews and contacting clinics directly we've found Ukrainian biotexcom. I wanted to carry my baby and give birth by myself. I wanted to be with him from the moment of his birth, from his first breath. I wanted baby to look like us. I should say that all doubts just faded away when the doctor made an embryo transfer. The only thing I wanted at that moment was my baby to be born healthy. Now, when I remember how I was tearing myself apart with all that thoughts I smile. Every time I look at my son, I see that every day more and more he looks like me. I raise healthy and, of course, the most beautiful baby in the world! We asked our doctor to find egg donor, who will look similar with me. Now I have absolutely no feeling that my son is not mine genetically! No one can ever tell he is from donor egg. We decided not to tell anyone that we underwent this procedure. I think I will not tell my son about donor. I'll do everything for him so he will have no need to know about this. I think it will change nothing for him. We are very happy that we addressed to this clinic and had de ivf. I hope you'll find all answers you need! I really hope you come to terms with your situation and are able to make a decision that you're happy with. I wish you all the best for the future)

  • Your story is so inspiring! You know my pain( All these thoughts are driving me crazy! But anyway I don't want to step back. I need this procedure! I really want to have children and to be a happy mom. You're absolutely right about prices. When I've just started to learn about de ivf, I was shocked. It's so unfair we should pay to become parents. We want to find clinic with affordable price so don't stay homeless in the end of the procedure. Your words give me hope and belief my feelings toward baby will change. I want to sincerely love my baby with my whole heart!I don't want my child to feel unloved or unwanted. I want my journey to begin asap! I'm so tired of waiting. It drives me crazy because I think up some terrible scenarios in my head. I'm afraid that when my child will grow up he/she will want to find donor... I don't know should I tell the truth or not... I'm so sorry for these revelations. This thoughts are tearing me apart and I have no one to share them with. May I ask you some questions about this clinic? I'll understand if you don't answer. It's too personal I know... But I really want to find good clinic which will make the process easy and effective. Why did you choose exactly this clinic? What was the major factor which convinced you? Were there other couples? How were their services? Maybe there was something you didn't like? I'm not trying to find falls, don't get me wrong! I just want to know both sides, good and bad. I'll be grateful for any info!

  • You have the right mood. It's very important to stay positive. You should believe in result and never step back. We are the only one who create our future. Negative thoughts only make it worse. I'm happy my story inspired you! I remember myself in the beginning of process. Thanks to ladies, who shared their experience and successful stories, I've got strength to keep going. My life changed completely thanks to the procedure and my clinic. I'm happy mother and wife now. My husband is so greatful and he loves our son. We never raise the issue of de ivf. We live like normal family and don't even think about problems we had. I love my son, he's my treasure. I'm sure your feelings will also change! You can ask me everything you need. I'll help with pleasure) We chose this clinic because there were mostly positive reviews and quick response from the clinic on our mail. I've browsed each forum, each thread, each comment about egg donation. There were both good and bad reviews. But generally the clinic seemed to me professional and popular among infertile couples. Also they have good prices and don't ask to pat extra fees. Don't think we are greedy. But this procedure is only the beginning. After childbirth costs grow along with baby. So why pay high prices, give all your money and then work at 3 jobs, so have no time for child you wanted so much? This clinic propose same services for lower price. There were a couple of factors which convinced us to sign contract. When we came to the clinic for the first time, we saw many people there. I should say we didn't expect this at all! I never thought Ukraine is that popular. And since that moment I had a feeling that everything will be fine. Not for nothing people go there! At first I was sceptical. I thought their medicine stuck in the past. But after looking at the clinic and their modern equipment I changed my mind. Also their services. The clinic have already took care about everything. So our stay in Ukraine was absolutely comfortable. We were met in the airport by taxi driver, who was carrying us across Kiev by his car. He was transporting us to the clinic and our apartment, which was also provided by the clinic. We had a manager and she translated everything for us. She spoke language fluently, so there were no misunderstandings. They even provided us with food supply! The only thing which we cared about was de ivf procedure.

  • Their services seem to be good. It's nice the clinic found translator and housing for you. I didn't know clinics provide such services. I really had no idea how to find all this by myself. It's seems impossible to organize all this without knowing language. I understand these services are not for free. The clinic counted each detail so foreign patients will be in absolute comfort in another country. How much did you pay for all these services?

    And how much did you pay for the procedure? Did you pay all sum at once? I'm a little bit afraid to give all money right away. We never know what will wait for us tomorrow. Was there some additional fees? I've read some clinics start to pull more money after signing a contract. When you think about termination of contract, you remember how hard it was to find clinic, how much efforts were made. So the only way is to pay and wait till it will be over. I'm glad to know they have modern equipment! I had some doubts about their medicine. There is not really stable situation in Ukraine. They have poor economy. Also I'm interested how much attempts of ivf did you have? And which one was successful? Sorry if it's too personal. How do they choose egg donors? How can you be sure your donor is healthy and doesn't have some genetic deseases? Did you choose donor by yourself? There is lots of info about unhealthy egg donors. Some clinics don't make proper checks. Sometimes babies born with genetic diseases. This scared me so much! I don't want my child suffer physically and mentally from bullying and reproaches. What mother will want this... I'm so afraid that clinic will miss something and then aftermath will be horrible.

  • All those services were already included in our package. We didn't pay some extra fees. The clinic never asked to pay additional charges. The clinic has a couple of packages. So you can choose the one, which suits you the most. We chose 'Guaranteed success' for €9 900. Also there was 'Double package' for €6 900, where you can have 2 attempts. If you choose 'Economy package' for €4 900, you'll have one attempt of de ivf. Speaking about package we chose, we had 5 attempts. In case of failure of all tries, the clinic gives money back. So there was no risk for us! That's why we chose exactly this package. I've got pregnant from second attempt. It's ok for me to talk about this, so don't worry) We didn't pay all sum at once! I think it's too risky to do so. The payment was divided into 2 parts. We paid €4500 after we signed contract during our first visit. We paid second half on the day of the first embryo transfer. We were never asked to pay some extra money! You can't choose donor by yourself. Contact of clients with donor is prohibited by law. So we provided desired phenotype. We sent information about the desirable characteristics of the donor to the clinic. We indicated height, weight, hair color, eyes color, nose, face and lips shape. Generally saying, all features we needed. Then the clinic found three donors corresponding to our phenotypes and sent us info about them. We chose the one, who suited us the most. Speaking about egg donors and their health. All requirements to donors were specified in the package we've chosen. First requirement is age of donor. All their donors are 18 – 25 years old. Second requirement is perfect physical and mental health. And third requirement is absence of genetic diseases in the donor and her family. So we were absolutely sure in health of our donor.

  • Thank you for all info. I'm surprised that theclinic repays if procedure fails. Their donors are very young. I'm glad to hear they check not only donors, but also their families. I'm relieved to hear there is an the opportunity to give the clinic characteristics of donor. My child will look like me. I think it will help me not to think about the procedure in future. No one will tell me that my child looks differently from me. I was scared that it will be obvious that baby is not mine. And everyone would start judging or feel pity for me. I understand I shouldn't listen to some people's opinion. It's not their bussinness anyway. But I don't want my child to suffer because of some offensive words. I just want to live normal life. I want to have my family. I want my husband to be happy. And the most important I want my child to live life full of joy. That's all I need! I want to ask you just a couple more things. I hope I don't bother you too much. How much time did you visit the clinic? And what was with transportation and housing? I mean the clinic provides all these services during first visit. But what with other times? What about medical tests and ultrasounds? Did you have to do them each time in biotexcom? And finally my last question! I need to clarify one issue which concerns me the most. Is it safe to go to Ukraine at this moment? There is war in Ukraine. I’ve read some articles and comments on forums that it's dangerous to go there. People are killed there. Many cities are destroyed... There are many homeless and poor people, who became so because of this war. Maybe it’s better to set aside our visit? I really don’t know what to do. There are so many controversial opinions about this situation. Somebody says it’s safe, but another say it’s so dangerous and tell some terrifying stories. I don’t know who should I listen to. So I put all my hope on you! Thank you so much for your patience!

  • You're welcome, hun! I'm sure everything will be as you wish. You have the right mood! I had same thoughts on my mind. I perfectly know how it feels. I was afraid, that people will guess that we had the procedure. And the problem was not only in some strangers. My mother in law was literally killing me with questions like 'When will I have grandchildren?' or 'Are you planning to have kids? What are you waiting for?'. I was barely holding myself not to say something rude. Our relations are very tense. She always makes some hints that I don't deserve her son. In one word, we have typical relations of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. So telling her about the procedure would be a huge mistake. That's why we told her and everybody else, that we had a relaxing vacations. We told, that time, we spent together, far away from work and stress, helped us to get pregnant. We should be grateful for such chance to have this procedure and become mothers! We had 3 visits in a frameworks of our procedure. The clinic provided us with accommodation during all our visits. By the way, we were provided with food supply too. Our doctor assigned the treatment plan for us. Also she gave us all needed instructions. We didn't go to biotexcom for ultrasounds and tests. All these we did in our local clinic. Then we just had to send the results to our program coordinator by mail. So there was no extra waste of money. The first attendance lasted 2 days. During this visit we had medical examination. Also we were provided with information about the program, organizational and medical parts and terms of the contract. Our second and third visits lasted for 6 days. We had sperm pick-up, fertilization of donor’s eggs and embryo transfer. You can set your worries about war aside! We were in Kiev in 2015 last time. We were nervous too! We didn't know what picture we’ll see after we leave our plane. Especially after watching some videos our panic was huge! But I assure you it’s one of the most peaceful and friendly cities in the world. It's absolutely safe in central part of the country. The hostilities take place in east part of Ukraine. So you have nothing to concern about. The only thing you should think about is de ivf.

  • Thank you for your help! I'll consider everything you've told. This clinic seems a very good option for us. I'm relieved to hear that it's safe to go there. I'll talk to my husband and I think he'll also like this variant. We'll contact this clinic in one of these days and I'll update as soon as we'll have any shifts. I hope our journey will begin asap!

  • Hello girls! I've also used this clinic. I was diagnosed with pcos. I've been in treatment for years. Unfortunately it brought zero result. I'm currently pregnant with twins from donor egg. I should say now I have no feeling my babies are not mine genetically. To be honest I had some doubts. I didn't know how I feel about the procedure... I thought maybe I should wait and try something else and it will help me to get pregnant. But we'd found out that the likelihood of having our own children was practically zero. So ivf with donor egg was our last and only one option. I have a very 'modern' family with step parents/brothers/sisters, half siblings and step nieces and nephews etc. Genetics really means nothing to me. People who raise and love you are your true family. In the beginning my dh wasn't fully on board. We had some very serious arguments about the procedure. But when he found out I was pregnant everything in him changed! The babies I'm carrying are our children and will always be ours. It's such a hard decision to make, I know. Only you will ever know if it's right for you or not as it's not right for some people. I look at it like at usual treatment of infertility. Doctors just help you a little bit. And then you carry/ give birth/ raise - do what usual parents do. We still haven't decided whether or not we'll ever tell the babies about the donor. But we're definitely not telling anyone else how we came to be pregnant. It's only our bussiness. I don't see something super special in it so everyone should know. These babies are mine. I really feel it and I don't make myself to do so) I really hope you will find what you're looking for! Wish you good luck!

  • Hi, ladies! We're passing DE IVF in Ukrainian clinic too. Found them through eviternity.org International patient coordinator. I'm 34 yo and have fallopian tubes blockage. They even didn't want them to be 'unblocked' as my eggs are of a poor quality. We couldn't use them with ivf so had to move onto egg donation. The mentioned site offers free consultations in London with their international patient coordinator. So we didn't miss the chance and met Josephine there, and she explained us all the procedure we had to go through. Moreover she was passing ivf herself in the clinic we signed the papers with. That's why our trust doubled. Time flew then and soon we got our BFP. In a couple of days we'll pass 12 weeks safety period and the program will be completed.

    (We booked the one for 9900 euro. It covered 5 ivf shots with donor eggs, all meds needed, selective reduction. Also accommodation, transportation, meals. But the most attractive thing of all is that they refund money paid if you face 5 failures in a row!!)

    The place is definitely worth to be in! ;) Baby dust to all X