How to find the right words??

Hi ladies,

My sister-in-law has severe fertility issues and has been struggling to conceive for the past two years.

I am after some advice relating to a situation that has arisen in our family. My younger sister and her hubby have just got pregnant. They literally were one of those couples who got pregnant on the first try. I am so feeling for my sister in law at the moment. She is absolutely devastated on hearing this news and has been trying to be happy for my sister. But at the same time it’s just hit home to her all the more the problems that she and my brother have been having. She has endometriosis and ovarian cysts. She has had surgery for the endo and cysts a year ago but still no luck.

I am wondering on how to help her cope with the next months? Does anyone have any advice? I want to be able to help her through this and support her as I know it will be a tough time for her. And it seems so unfair in a way, that they've been trying for so long and have had no luck.

I should add that I've got a son of my own, so probably makes it even harder for her….

4 Replies

  • Just be a good friend and support, listen. Don't offer advice. Let her feel what she feels. I wouldn't avoid talking about the pregnancy unless that's what she wants you to do. Because if people are on eggshells around her, it might make her feel more isolated and uncomfortable. If there is a shower, don't expect her to go. Let her skip it if she wants. This is also a good idea to chat with others being in the same boat with her.

  • Thanks for the advice. I just so feel for my sister in law. She and my brother have been trying for over two years to conceive and she has severe endometriosis and cysts on her ovaries. My sister on the other hand, got pregnant after trying ONCE.

    I'll take the advice about just letting her take the lead on talking about it etc. I've told my mum not to go on and on about the pregnancy. As she is prone to do, she thinks in a way my girl needs to 'get over it'. She also has told my brother to tell her the same and to 'Try to be happy for my sister and her husband' etc.

    I don't think my mum understands what a big deal this is! When she found out the news she told me she was devastated and couldn't stop crying for hours.

    She and my brother are going to see a fertility doctor in a month's time. I hope it will give them some hope. They might be able to start some fertility treatments to boost the chances for their much wanted child.

  • What you are already doing is so so wonderful to show her empathy and understanding. I wish her all the best in her journey and she is super lucky to have you by her side xxxx

  • Thank you so much for kind words! I'm behaving in this very way as I cannot do it in other way. We're so close with my poor thing, I'd like to support her as well as I can. I've been one of the struggling ones once. This is so tough and emotionally draining, I cannot find even right words for the pain a woman has to go through.....

    I was diagnosed at a time on the fallopian tubes blockage and poor egg quality. That was the right route for egg donation. But we tried IUI first which evidently failed.

    Our fertility journey ended in Biotexcom clinic only where we applied for 5 att. de ivf program. Thankfully money wasn't the matter for us but the term of guarantee given by them brought us to some ease as far as I can remember. Now we have our 8 mo son Arnold, may God protect him all the time....

    So I want so so so much people struggling to become absolutely happy one day!!!! And this is the tinies thing I can do for others to give any soothing word, to tell my story, to share feelings for them even for a moment to feel relief that they're not alone on the path. That's the point.

    What about you, dear? What did make you to follow the group if it's ok my asking?

    Wish you all the best Xx