4 year old has never poo’d on the toilet

[Garden2021]

Hi, looking for some advice for my son. He’s been potty trained for 18 months, he will go for a wee stood up or sat on the toilet but he has never poo’d on the toilet. His body is in a strict routine where he only needs to go at night before he falls asleep-this makes trying any other time of day really difficult as he doesn’t need to go. At the moment he wears a nappy for bed, does a poo happily in his nappy then goes to sleep or we change him before he falls asleep. He has absolutely not problems going-it’s soft and easy-no pain or grimaces. He simply thinks he can’t go on the toilet-probably because he requires a bit more effort than standing. He will happily sit on the loo and pretend to try but he isn’t really pushing then just convinced himself he can’t do it. I feel like we’ve tried everything under the sun with no improvements. Wondering whether to try encourage him to stand and do it in his nappy in the bathroom (or maybe even steps towards the bathroom like the case study on the ERIC website. Any advice would be gratefully received. Thanks

[Yaleamanda]

I would definitely use the case study from the Eric website

[Iffets]

HI there, i sympathise. My son is 7y3months and has only just started pooing in the loo. I am so happy the day has finally arrived. He has been dry at night since he turned 3yrs old but refused to poo in the toilet, preferring a pull up. I didn't push him as he only pooed 4x a week for many years. He wasn't constipated per se as when he went it was easy to push out (altho large volume!) With the help of a naturopath 12 months ago we sorted his gut so that he started pooing daily. Sounds like your lil one has no issues here tho. Once he was going daily we made him sit on the toilet to practice.. this took about 5 months. To make it comfy we had an insert toilet seat, a heater if it was cold and he was allowed the iPad. For years he said he couldn't push it out whilst sat on the toilet but had no issues standing next to the loo and using a pull up. we always tried to do this 20mins after dinner or breakfast, and he would sit there for about 10mins (then he would get the pull up). Finally 2 wks ago he actually poo-ed into the toilet during one of his practice sessions. He now goes everyday after breakfast and sometimes 2x a day. I believe they go in the toilet when they are ready to do so. I did not want him to withhold causing major problems down the line with constipation, so I let him use the pull up and met some other mums here whose kids also still don't poo in the loo aged 6 or 7 yrs so I knew i wasn't the only one . Our next step is to get him to try pooing in a toilet that is not at our house, like a public loo or at school. But I am so happy he is finally there.

[Garden2021 in reply to Iffets]

Thank you so much for your reply. Your story is so similar to ours! Amazing news your son has starting going on the toilet at home 😀 we started the ‘X’ on the floor Wednesday night-I put it in the bathroom as I knew he wouldn’t be too put off by this and he went happily, did his poo in his nappy and came back to tell me, I gave him lots of praise and he put a sticker on his chart. Last night he started to stand behind his bedroom door so I said go to the bathroom if you need a poo, he went and did it again. He then asked for his bedroom gate to stay open incase he needed another one, 5 mins later he called down to me to say he had done another. Obviously still in his nappy but I’m so proud of him for doing it in the bathroom after 18 months of going in his bedroom. I’m going to keep the ‘X’ the same for a few weeks to make sure he’s happy and it’s part of his new routine and then I might try him sitting on the toilet (with a toilet seat insert) with his nappy and see if we can progress like the ERIC case study! Wish mid luck 🤞

[Iffets]

Thats fab news , you'll get there! We said the bathroom is where we go toilet so he's been using that room for a long while now. I forgot to mention he also has a step stool for his feet. This raises his knees slightly above his seated position making evacuation easier. I think i would also find it harder to poo if legs are dangling down...When he was younger and smaller his knees weren't as raised on the step stool and maybe he found it harder to push it out, and therefore preferred standing which he was used to? He also used to say he didn't like his bum 'open and cold' on the toilet, but his lifelong habit had been poo squished against his skin inside the nappy, so that long habit is hard to break. Maybe get your lil one to sit and practice on the loo every morning without a nappy, and in the evening when is his habit to actually have a poo he can sit with the nappy on then?

[Garden2021 in reply to Iffets]

Thank you for your reply 😀 did you have a standard kids stool or something higher? We’ve got a little 2 step plastic one so hoping that will be ok but guess we’ll see in a few weeks when we make the next step. I’m just so pleased he seems ok with this new arrange-my mother in law babysat last night and he did it in the bathroom fine with her too! My only thought now is whether to do another step before trying him on the toilet-I don’t know if standing closer to the toilet at this stage will help…it’s not a big bathroom so it’s literally going to be a few steps different to where he’s standing now. Guess I could ask him how he feels about trying to sit on the toilet 🤔

[Iffets in reply to Garden2021]

Just a normal step stool for kids to use to reach higher surfaces in the kitchen or bathroom. You can add books underneath to make the stool higher as your aim is to get their bent knees to be slightly higher than their seated bum which helps to push it out. Legs dangly actually hinders pooing as the shape of the body changes and its harder to evacuate using more effort. We used to put the iPad on the closed toilet lid down so he was leaning against the loo when going in a pull-up - couldn't get much closer lol. We used to put toilet paper in the loo to cover the water and long drop to make it look less like a hole, just incase his fear was about falling in.. but it was more about trying to change his habit of standing rather than sitting to poo. I would definitely get him to practice sitting on the loo..start with the lid down, fully clothed for a while..get him to blow bubbles as that helps push it out..then he can sit on the loo with lid open, seat insert inside and fully clothed.. then progress to pants down sitting..always for 10mins and do it 20mins after a meal which is when the body is most likely to poo after a meal. Good luck!

[Garden2021 in reply to Iffets]

Thanks so much for your really helpful advice!! Really appreciate it 😀 we’ve done a lot of sitting on the toilet to practice and have done blowing bubbles for a few weeks so I think the problem will be the sensation of sitting rather than the toilet so will see what happens. For the first time EVER yesterday he looked like he needed a poo before teatime so I asked if he wanted to go on his X and he did-that’s the first pre bedtime intentional poo! So proud of him, it must have been a relief for him to feel comfortable to go without having to hang on until bedtime ☺️ we’re going on holiday in a few weeks so depending whether we’ve tried the toilet before then I think I might take an X with us-don’t want to undo the good progress

[Iffets in reply to Garden2021]

Yes sometimes a new venue might be cathartic and change his state of mind. My son always went in the early evening as he would hold on til school was finished and go at home. Now he goes after breakfast and sometimes in the evening - i never thought that would happen.. takes A LOT of patience and you can read your child, you know how far you can push it before they dig their heels. I think the sitting on the loo after breakfast or any meal, 20 mins after eating is the sweet spot to tell the body now you can poo lol

[Iffets]

This is a link to another mum having a similar issue healthunlocked.com/eric/pos...

[Garden2021 in reply to Iffets]

Tonight when my son told me he wanted his ‘X’ to poo on, I put a little one I’d made into the toilet bowl and sat him on the toilet (with his nappy on) and with no fuss at all he did his poo 🤯🤯🤯 feels like such a massive step forward and so exciting!!!!

[Garden2021 in reply to Garden2021]

He’s also used his X at nursery, grandparents houses and public toilets. Can’t believe the difference it has made 😀

[Iffets in reply to Garden2021]

Amazing, I'm so happy for you!