New here: 3 Year Old Chronic Constipation - desperate for advice

[Jrosie09]

Hi, it's my first time posting here. Already I am amazed by how many people have had exactly the same experience and feel much less alone.

My daughter is 3, turning 4 in August. We have just delayed her school start as she is still in nappies due to chronic constipation and the ongoing dance of disimpaction. She is on pico and movicol. It was really heartbreaking to make this choice, particularly as there is no guarantee we will have any toilet training success in time for her new start date. She is ready for school in every other way.

My first question really is has anyone had any answers given for their children's constipation? She had blood tests for coeliacs which came back negative. I initially felt very strongly it was dairy causing the issue, but as she is already under the care of the allergy team for a peanut allergy; they firmly advised against omitting another food group as there is a risk of developing further allergies. It just feels crazy that so many children are experiencing this but with no clear cause? Maybe I am just desperate for an answer that doesn't exist.

I was also wondering if anyone could share their experiences with potty training. She was previously potty trained until all this started. Now she will sit on the toilet to wee, but not poo. Her nappy has also become a real crutch. She won't run around naked anymore she starts to panic and has to have a nappy on ]:

I have read a lot of stories about gradually moving them closer to the toilet etc, but I am worried about causing further regression. It feels like such a good step that she is happy to sit on the toilet but I am so stuck on what to do next. She knows when she needs to poo and still feels the urge to push. I don't believe she's holding anymore, but the feeling obviously comes on very quickly and she will just dart out of the room and hide in her bedroom.

There's also the issue of nursery. At home I can keep a healthy routine; she sets a timer, sits on the toilet, we chat, she gets a reward. But it takes a lot of one to one time and patience that nursery can't provide. She is there three days a week which is a significant amount of time to be 'out' of the routine. I have considered pulling her out but I then feel I am just failing her in a different way.

Like everyone else here, I feel blessed to have a child who is happy and healthy in so many ways, but the guilt and paranoia is starting to drain me.

[HPig]

Hi, our daughter is a similar age 3, turning 4 in June. We feel fortunate that we are coming out the other side of her bowel issues after being admitted to hospital twice before turning 1, on one occasion for 3.5 weeks. She was a few days old on the first occasion and had an obstructed bowel and was diagnosed with sepsis. On the second occasion she had sever impaction and needed huge doses (12 sachets) of movicol to break down the blockage and then a week after discharge passed a large hard ball of poo. Weve been through some tough times in life, but I can genuinely say that supporting her during and after her issues have been by far the most challenging. There is always a chronic low level stress associated with the condition that we've had to learn to manage or allow to eat us alive. The transition to potty training was really hard for us, it led to some regression in her frequency which was stressful and often she wasn't interested in using the potty to poo (wee was fine). We had to let her spend a long time on the potty, often whilst watching TV or tablet to keep her on there. We also had to reward her and be patient about soiling as she also waited until the last minute to get to the toilet. Nursery were not very supportive and she often came home in dry soiled pants, so we took her out over the summer and enrolled her in another better staffed nursery in the autumn. It took some time, years, but gradually she warmed to the potty, she liked the rewards for having a poo and she became more aware about when she needed the potty. During this time, we dosed her with movicol to ensure that her stools were either soft like a cow pat, or a very soft sausage. We did not seek to have a well formed stool as any change to water intake, diet or even weather could result in delays for her having a bowel movement. Its only over the last few months that we've reduced the dose of movicol to half a sachet and the stools have been well formed.

More than happy to answer any questions you have, but the best advice I can give is to make sure that the stool is soft via the movicol (we dropped the pico asap, unless 48 passed with no stool, but whatever worked for you), invest the time with just sitting on a comfy potty and rewards. It sounds like you are already doing the right thing. Sounds very simple, it didn't feel it at the time, but its made a huge difference to our sanity and her condition.

[Jrosie09 in reply to HPig]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it. They are definitely tough times that you can only imagine if you've been there. I am so happy for you & your daughter that you can see light at the end of the experience [:

Can I ask how confident you feel in your daughter starting school? This is a really big one for us as we have been granted a delay which can go as far as next June if needed, and she will still be educated within her year group. I am so reluctant to send her until we have truly cracked it, both mentally and physically, but of course I in no way want to rush her.

At the moment, she will sit on the toilet and we have set a timer for 5 minutes. She's fairly chilled when she's sat there, but no poo. Maybe an ipad would be a better choice, and encouraging her to sit longer? I feel like I've mentally hit a wall with how to encourage her to actually poo on the toilet. Do you think it will just be a case of more and more gradual exposure?

Thank you again for your reply [: x

[HPig in reply to Jrosie09]

The process of getting her to poo was very hard emotionally, we knew she must need to poo, but she would often indicate that she didn't want to. We were worried she was withholding and that it would lead to constipation and blockage and there was little we could do. But, we just had to keep at it, there were no shortcuts for us. We had her sit on the potty for as long as she wanted to with the tablet or toys, intact she only got the tablet on the potty and she could spend over 20mins sat there. That helped as it was the right position for her and she was right next to us, so wasn't in another room. The main key to unlocking the encouragement was to realise we were powerless, we could only get her in the right position for as long as we could and reward her with something she loved if she went. We did blow bubbles on the potty too with milkshake straws (dr moo i think), which she thought was fun.

We are now 100% confident that she will be ok at school, she will leave it too late to go for a wee and wet herself at some point or another. We used to think this might be nerve damage, but in reality, its just what kids do :-). We are lucky that a sibling is already at the school, its a great place and she will be well looked after. I dont envy the decision you have to make between being confident in regular movements and delaying being with her classmates, its incredibly tough. What I would say is September is still 5 ish months away, which could make the world of difference. There is every chance your daughter will beat this by then, especially if you have the ability to spend more time together over the summer.

As I said before, more than happy to help with anything else or talk about our experience. X