Breaking the cycle!

[Stanley0301]

My little girl has just turned 4, been potty trained for about 18 months, until we started nursery and then gradually this regressed and she started pooing in her pants. Assumed they were accidents and then this steadily got worse and worse and she began holding her poo, and like many other parents seem to find on here, just soiling bit by bit through the day (and I am literally at my wits end)

She still goes to the toilet for wees, is dry in the night, just goes and hides under a table or anywhere to avoid doing a poo on the toilet. I have become a bit of a master at recognising when she is about to do one, so will take her to the toilet but she screams and goes mad, she is desperate to do it in her pants.

Any ideas on how I break this cycle, she starts school in September and if I am honest I am quite disappointed this has happened, I always imagined she would be 100 % sorted before starting school.

Weirdly, we went on holiday about a month ago, she did all her poos on the toilet without being asked, just hopped on the toilet and went and then slowly it regressed again when we got home. Her diets good, she has lots of fruit and veg and water/squash (I am really lucky with that) I just want to help her before school, because I can't imagine this is nice for her either.

Any ideas would be appreciated!!!

[Helen36]

Hiya - couple of things you can try: get her to sit on the loo about 15/20 minutes after every meal to try for a poo. Get her to do big breaths out whilst she does this, like blowing a balloon. My little girl tries to blow my fringe! All this is linked to the best time of day when she is likely to get an urge and to relax the right muscles to have a poo. This will help teach her the sensations and help take away toilet fear. Use a toilet seat and a high step. Her knees need to be above her hips ideally.

My little girl is now 6 and still does the same madly infuriating hiding/madness thing when she thinks she is about to soil. Now she’s older she can explain that she knows she’s about to soil and is trying to stop it happening. She knows that if she gets that feeling she must run to the loo and not hide and that I won’t be cross for the accident. It’s taken a long time to get there with this, but just be really kind and consistent with the message.

Next, assume there is an underlying constipation. After a few years on this forum I have come to believe that nearly all soiling comes down to constipation ultimately. Have you ever spoken to a GP? Trying something like movicol could help you. She may not have a blockage but could just have a very ‘loaded’ bowel and a bit of softening of the poo in her bowel could help. As a test, try getting some prune juice down her to see if it has any effect. Also, cut out sweetcorn for a week and then give some to her and time how long it takes to come out. Anything more than 48 hours (although 12-24 is more ideal) suggests there is an issue.

There’s also a good book on amazon called ‘meet the poos’ which aims to take some of the fear out of pooing.

And finally, don’t worry about school. Lots and lots of children still soil in reception. I was so worried for my daughter but she was not alone in her class (and still isn’t going into year 2!) and it makes no difference to how she will settle. There are so many interesting things at school that I promise you the other kids won’t notice.

Rather than try and fix it before September start to prepare for it. Speak to the school/teacher about how to help and what happens when an accident happens. I taught my little girl how to clean herself up under supervision as school staff can’t touch them to do this (unlike preschool staff).

Good luck x

[Lexibon11]

This is like my daughter, but is with wee instead of poo. Was fine until started nursery, and now at school, and has daily wet accidents. So frustrating!

Have you tried the "Poo land" app. It's made by the NHS and helped when mine was younger.

[ivory_47]

I have no answers, but we’re in a similar position. My 4 year old daughter had faecal impaction as a result of withholding and has been on maintenance dose movicol for almost 2 years. She is starting school in September.

She had antibiotics last week, which gave her diarrhoea so I reduced the movicol down to nil (she only had 0.5-1 sachet a day anyway) and within one day, she got constipated, eventually passed a hard stool under a great many tears and is now withholding despite being on 4 movicol daily for the last three days.... she says her bottom and tummy hurt, she is really tired, cries at times and lacks appetite. She’s also started hitting and has a lot of anger outbursts. I am really worried, as there is no reasoning with her at all and don’t wanna go back to where we were 2 years ago. 😢

[Stanley0301]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, it is such a frustrating situation and one I never thought we would be in. Your suggestions are all awesome, I have been starting some, the blowing thing helps, we now have bubbles next to the toilet. The suggestion about getting her to clean herself up is a good idea for school, because looking at some other parents on there, this looks lile it may well go on for years!!! In answer to a query, she has been prescribed laxatives, but I honestly dont think its constipation, its more like she deliberately holds it because she just cant be bothered. Good luck all