Problem with wetting and soiling

[Evenstar]

Hi my son is 4 1/2 and is not reliably dry or clean during the day and still wears pull ups at night. He doesn't seem to care whether he is wet or not and at times actively avoids going to the toilet. We are running out of ideas, have tried rewarding when he goes but this doesn't seem to work. He will deny that he is wet or soiled and it can be a real struggle to get him to sit on the toilet. He hasn't any additional needs just will not use the toilet. Just really looking for any advice or ideas as it isn't long until school starts. Thanks in advance

[Georgina1475]

Although you've already tried it you need to start a daily routine where he sits for 5 mins to start 20 mins after each meal. Sit with him and talk, read and play games to distract. Blowing bubbles worked for my son as did blowing small bits of tissues into the air making it a competition to see who can get it highest. As he gets used to the routine increase the time by a minuet. It doesn't matter if he doesn't go at first it's the routine you need to instil. Only change his pull up in the bathroom and get him used to wiping himself after you've cleaned him get him to wipe himself too. There's a good YouTube video about Incontinence. I will find the name for you. As he's soiling there's a good chance he's constipated which may need poo softener called movical to help him clear his bowl easier, best to get the gp to check and talk about his wetting at the same time as there are things they can help with. Some children don't get night dry for sometime and it could be an age thing. Have a look at ERIC.org.uk they have great advice for wetting and soiling and keep in touch here too.

[Georgina1475]

YouTube video is Sandra hanson worth a look. Best of luck.

[Evenstar]

Many thanks for your reply I will try

[bluecow]

Hi Evenstar, we're going through exactly the same, great advice from Georgina I too will be trying here advice xx good luck

[luna2017]

We are in the same position, following & sending hugs!x

[Mum2Mai]

My dd is similar but has just finished first year at school. I am lucky that school are supportive. We also had help from the local school nursing team who worked with the school inclusion manager to put an intimate care plan in place. I would recommend asking for this to be done if you can x

[luna2017 in reply to Mum2Mai]

We are hoping for an ICP to be put in place. The continence nurse & the school have both mentioned it to me but I'm unsure who will actually put it together 🤔 I'm praying they put it in place asap when we get back

[Katie_R]

We're in the same place but my son has finished his first year of school. No advice just lots of empathy, it feels like one step forward one step back at the moment x

[Evenstar]

One of the main things is that he doesn't seem to be bothered about it will run away if you ask him if he's had an accident. I sit him on the toilet and can get him to do a wee wee but very infrequently will he have a poo. It really is getting me down I feel like all I do is say have you been to the toilet and I worry about school there has been no real progress all year waiting for an appointment with the paediatrician.

[Mum2Mai]

Yep my daughter often doesn't seem bothered by sitting in messy pants and doesnt tell anyone, particularly at school. The school implemented a card system where she handed in a green card for needing to go and a red to say she had gone in her pants. She liked doing it for a while but after a while couldn't be bothered to go and get a card and we were back to square one.

[luna2017]

My son isn't bothered either, he will rarely admit to being wet & even less times will actually approach somebody to say he's wet 😔 We've tried all sorts...sticker charts, fun alarm reminder, actual prizes...nothing seems to motivate him enough x